Narcissist or Dark Empath?

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You may understand the signs of a narcissist, but have you ever heard of a ""dark empath""? Some behaviors look like narcissism, but the two are actually very different. In this video interview, psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula walks through the dark empath vs the narcissist: the signs you need to know.

Topics:
00:00 What is a dark empath?
00:35 3 types of empathy
00:56 The dark empath vs the narcissist
01:36 Type 1: Cognitive empathy
03:10 Type 2: Compassionate empathy
04:39 Signs of cognitive empathy (from a dark empath)
07:20 Do dark empaths have a high EQ (emotional intelligence)?
09:00 Dr. Ramani's final advice (more signs)

#psychology #narcissism #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #darkempath

[allinaday]

As the scapegoat of the family, this explains why my instinct is never let any one know that I am ill, hurting or need help. Because I learned that this information gave my family members a means to further damage me. It is very difficult to trust my perception of who is a trustworthy friend or even medical professional.

[jasongrice]

"Love is protecting and guarding the vulnerabilities of the person you care about"

[larryleker]

We all learned by age 7 not to tell our mother about any of our problems. We found that she would tell them to other adults and even use those problems as proof that we were bad defective kids.

[jacquelinesmart]

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used against you by a narcissist.

[pradheepag]

“Love is protecting and guarding the vulnerabilities of the person you care about.” Thanks for this!❤️❤️❤️

[rightweaponry]

As the daughter of a seriously BPD mother, i totally get the different kinds of empathy, i think emotional and compassionate empathy can be exhausted at a certain point though. I think intellectual empathy can also be an attempt at setting personal boundaries with people who demand endless emotional empathy without ever really reciprocating. At a certain point it's like i can totally get it, and feel bad, but i can't live on an emotional rollercoaster because other people can't handle their emotions.

[ariannapetralia]

Emotional empathy can be exhausting if someone keep on expecting it from you no matter what. I try not let out all my sadness on someone else, especially if it's someone i care about. and I voluntary choose to be only cognitive involved with someone else, because the first option hurt me too much in the past. Compassion is a gift, but if you don't protect yourself, there isn't going to be much left for you to give

[julieb]

"We accept empathy lite and we take it as the real thing." Oof! She nailed it, as always!

[yasumimir]

unfortunately dated someone like this.
thought "if i'm vulnerable instead of closed off like my last relationship, maybe it'll work out" laid it all out on the table, he love bombed me, we moved in together, went from totally empathetic and affectionate to just straight up cold and not being interested in understanding, but would always promise to "do better". he admitted to a friend who was concerned about me that he was gaslighting me on purpose for years, because he didn't see eye to eye with me on relationship issues and wanted to basically break down my thinking.

when i finally left him and brought that up, i told him "why, knowing all that i've been through, knowing what i struggle with, would you even 'take me in' if you weren't going to nurture that?" and he said he wanted to "give me a safe environment to heal"
safe. making me feel crazy, to the point where i wanted to hurt myself, giving me the silent treatment if i was understandably frustrated, making me move so far away from friends and family, telling me all his friends disliked me, minimizing everything i felt... that was his twisted idea of safety.

these people are sick, and i pray that no one ever has to experience being with one. it's been years and i still don't know how i'll be able to trust anyone ever again.

[tuffvision]

My former boss was a dark empath. She would have people confide in her, express empathy, but the minute we don’t agree with her opinion or thoughts, she would use our issues in a very dark conniving evil way. She was always in everyone’s personal business and often treated the work environment like it’s a friendship circle or sorority. If you don’t pledge your support for her she will come after you. I remember having to remove her and her circle of favorites from my social media because she would search and try to find information on me. I didn’t realize this until watching this video. Very toxic person.

[gingerreynolds]

My Aunt was sharing a very traumatic incident that had happened to her in childhood and her husband interrupted and said something to the effect of haven't we discussed this enough, let's move on to something important, like lunch. That happened more than 10 years ago and I am still totally baffled as to how he could be soooo unempathetic

[mypetgiraffe]

I experienced this. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for over a year.
When I finally got pregnant, and subsequently miscarried in the second trimester, a week later he asked why I wasn't over it yet and tried to have me admitted to a psyche ward.
I Thank God We're Not Married any more.
Malignant narcissists do this "dark empathy" behavior as a major tool in their tool box.

[zaviahopethomas-woundedsou]

I think the malignant narcissist is the best at cognitive empathy and they use everything you shared with them to completely destroy you with a sadistic grin on their face.

[hearthealevolve]

Which explains why my mother's love felt crazymaking. I could hear she could identify my emotion but could never figure out what was missing. It was FEELING!!!!

[azarahwagner]

Just because a narcissist can pretend to care doesn’t make them empathic . They are actually covert narcissists playing out a strategy.
To me empathy is a shared experience. I was hurt and I recognize that in others and want to help them.

[costelloandlizzievolk]

This is 💯 how my narcissist ex sucked me in at the beginning by making me think he was empathetic and respectful when I talked about past hurts. He was not and used the info and my vulnerability to exploit me after. He was totally a camouflaged poisonous snake. It was hard for me to wrap my head around. Tough lesson to learn but now I can see it for what it is, so when I see it in others, I run. Thank you for clarifying this. 🙏😊❤️

[hermitthefrog]

I believe my narc pushed me to become a dark empath... I used to have emotional empathy but it was never enough - she always needed more. Now I just intellectualize the situation, say the right things, check the boxes, and move on.

[bepresent_reflect]

Don’t have a person with Dark Empathy be your therapist. My therapist literally said we already talked about that last week even though I still had pain from it. I now realize my issues are a check list to her.

[peakbagger]

I found this informational. I lost my wife of 26 years to COVID-19 a year ago. I have stopped talking about her passing because a couple people have said; " Oh, you haven't got over that yet" or something to that nature. I have decided I will mourn my wife's passing my way. In April 2023, I will hike the 2, 194-mile Appalachian Trail to fulfill a dream and "walk off" her passing the same way Earl V. Shaffer, the first man to hike the entire AT, walked off his WW II combat experience. The trail provides and heals. Pithy statements that seem empathetic are of no help to me.

[paulstuart]

So glad you said this, it is false empathy. They never take responsibility for their behaviour & always play victim. Dark empath is an oxymoron, they use emotional insight to exploit - this is narcissism, a way to manipulate with lack of compassion. My mother was an accomplished narcissist & all three of my significant partners targeted & intrigued me, using the classic techniques I wasn't aware of. I was used to trying to excuse toxic behaviour, so it took a long time for me to establish firm boundaries or just say enough. From my mother's manipulations to my much older brother's sexual abuse through my infancy, distorted love was a normality, I stupidly turned away the few genuinely kind invested nurturing people I met & feel guilty for hurting them by returning to being a loveless convenience.