Respond, DON'T React When You're Triggered

When someone does or says something we don't like we often react to it - and the ways we react are usually not helpful or effective. A sign of emotional intelligence is to be able to respond rather than react when someone is triggering you and in this talk I'll teach you how.

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#angermanagement #trigger #emotionalintelligence

[gurudra]

When you react, you give away your power. When you respond, you are in control of yourself🙏

[chrismcevoy]

You shouldn’t hurt someone else in order to feel better yourself.❤

[admirbarucija]

Definitely best to respond from a state of calm once I’ve given the situation plenty of thought! Responding while angered/deeply upset tends to be a disaster

[kurisuchiinu]

This is what I needed the most. I usually give in whenever someone insults me by the side, you know, just like you said, they're waiting for me to react. And when I react, they make fun of me! If I don't, they're really persistent to get my attention just to ruin my day, you know?

[chrismcevoy]

If someone criticized my body image Julia I would say to them “Oh gee I guess I won’t be making it to the cover of Sports Illustrated like you or some other magazine.

[mymentorjane]

I really appreciate that you made the distinction between reflecting vs ruminating over a bad reaction. That is how I’m growing. I also acknowledge that even noticing I’ve been triggered, that I reacted out of the trigger rather than with my skills, and that the result wasn’t what I wanted. That is really HUGE and necessary before I can begin to master the skills.

[LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

My boss is my biggest trigger but so have certain bosses before her so it is not them, it is me. A few weeks ago she was being really negative and I felt myself dissociate and leave my body. Last week she called and I was calm not engaging in her criticism, rather answering questions and told I would take care of the task. Improvement!

[drekeamohuang]

I got a friend complaining about his boss and company, I offered some advice, and he is ghosting me now. This video is right on time, I think I will just acknowledge that he has been trying to pass his negative energy to me, and move on without thinking about it. Thank you, Julia!

[mel]

I love that you used loading the dishwasher as an example. Sometimes it's the little things like this that create huge problems in relationships, or in my mind.

[LevelUpYourLife]

Such an important piece of wisdom. I used to be so bad at that I would always react when I felt triggered. I have since learned to calmly be aware of my feelings and excuse myself if necessary to deal with it in private. Helps SO much🙏 🙏

[ScottScorpioSunTarot]

Thanks so much for this video. I am a reactive Scorpio, but have learned to be reflective and responsive (most of the time), and I have such a much more happy and balanced life. This is such an important video. Great presentation and so needed for so many of us!!!

[PeterLarsenJr]

I have someone in my life, close relative, who projects his pain, his self-loathing, his overeating guilt all over me through victim behavior and veiled hatred toward sensible actions that I take. Whew! Your message Julia helped me know what’s going on. Thank you.

[NFSMAN]

Truth, they want a reaction out of you, it gives them power and control over you!

[lesliengo]

Once my father did not like one of my choices in life and as he was driving me for volunteering he complained and argued why I shouldn't do this and I should focus on something else. He was angry and is placing blame on me. However, I took many deep breathes, remain silent, and not engage with the argument. I can tell I am not escalating the situation. When my volunteering is over my dad called and he apologized. Although he couldn't handle his emotions well, by not reacting it gives him no choice but to back down. Couldn't say that for my mom though, but at least one member of the family is becoming more emotionally resilient, which means my knowledge could be passed around. This is very helpful Julia

[agi]

something that has helped me a lot in processing triggers and past trauma is reminding myself of a thing that I call "The Element of Surrender" (lol). For an example.. lets say someone who is attractive calls you ugly or someone successful calls you "unsuccessful" or w/e that is and this triggers and hurts you. You would just take all of it in, this person who is "better" than you (in your mind you might think so) just critizised me and I know they're right and they hurt me ("they got me"), just take all of it in and accept it. No avoiding, deflecting, saying/thinking stuff like "well they're a bad person for doing that so I'm better than them blah blah". Easier said than done, but this is part of how I process through pain and frustration etc. Take it in, accept it and have a cry.
This is not about accepting someone's shitty behaviour, we have boundaries to deal with that. It's about reminding yourself to not resist and fight pain because that only builds up the trauma and creates deeper wounds.

[sekoudiarra]

Most of growing up, I hardly say anything back when people hurt me with words, but sometimes throughout teen years, I snap at others to show them not to mess with me. It’s hard not to get upset and hold on to it. All I want is peace

[robhansford]

Watched this through twice now. I will remember to ‘take a breath’ before reacting or beating myself up when I get triggered and to view the words spoken to me in a more detached manner as opposed to going off on one and getting hurt as I am prone to be doing! Very insightful and helpful as always so thank you Julia.

[MissDoreen]

Julia thank you 😊 I just ended my membership you do finances. I wanted to thank you so much. For me being in the Shift Society has made such a huge difference in the way that I think now 😊 you may never know what a difference you made in my life! Thank you so much Julia ❤🙏

[victoriastallard]

Thank you Julia I have such a hard time with reacting rather than responding & it's so hard, upsetting, frustrating, very depressing & makes me more anxiety filled when I get triggered & react rather than responding especially when I know these steps & don't practice or use them like I should so I took notes on this video & intend to use these steps plus practice them much more

[chrismcevoy]

You’re really an inspiration to me Julia.