The pace of narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[loljoyful]

Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a new place to stay.

[NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists have to move fast before you get a chance to figure them out.

[julieb]

My first "adult" relationship. I was 19 and very naive. He was a little older and financially well off. He love bombed me, swept me off my feet and moved super fast. We were engaged and living together after a few months. His mask came off after he had me "under his control". He wanted to get married right away, but I was reluctant because of his controlling behavior. His abuse eventually escalated to physical violence. After I left him, he stalked me and threatened me. He also threatened my friends who helped me get away from him. The police said a restraining order would not really help me, and it might enrage him even more, so I didn't pursue it. I consider myself very lucky because I had a somewhere safe to escape to. A lot of women leaving domestic abuse don't have that option.

This is why I wish teenagers were taught about all types of abuse in high school.

[raymond]

Thank you for all that you do. I am in a completely different place mentally because of you.

[MrsRitchieBlackmore]

From my experience, the "slow moving" narc is usually already in a marriage/exclusive relationship, but wants to keep you around as a side piece. If a narc wants to make you a primary partner, they step on the gas!

[theresablanton]

In my last relationship it was really fast. I hadn’t been in a relationship in 4 years. She told me I’m getting you a huge diamond and I’m going to marry you. 🧐 and then when I talked about it again…. She didn’t know what I was talking about 🤷🏻‍♀️. In my healing I realized I was being gaslighted and felt crazy throughout the whole thing. I left over 4 years ago. I’m still single doing the work to heal on my part in the relationship. And actually I’m not triggered by her at this time I feel. I’m grateful and blessed. ❤️💯🥰🙏

[davidhinkson]

My narc wife and I did move too fast at the beginning. Within three months I had joined her church and dropped my friends at her request; changed my job where I was doing well after a year since we both worked in the same place, then within two years we were married and our child came two and a half years later. After the child came the sex stopped and the discard process began. That process took a long time because she and her mother had convinced me I was responsible for all that was going wrong in the relationship. Today I am celebrating my first year out of that mess!

[Melevarin]

This is so what happened to me in my last relationship... 6 years of promising things and then blaming me for when he wouldn't follow through. Making me believe it was all my fault and that if I did better the next time he would do what he so glad to be out of that....

[Anoppinion]

The narcissist hypnotise the new victim with "everyone are horrible", "poor me, you are the only one that gets me" and "my rent is tooo high... what can I do...." leading questions.... The victim feels very special and a saviour - in the beginning...

[virgomoon]

This is totally me in a nutshell. I finally left after it was clear he had no intentions on following through. And I realized…what am I fighting so hard for? The bare minimum. Triangulation with his abusive mother. Backstabbing and deceit. I finally got the courage to leave after two years.

[lorainnemorris]

I ignored multiple red flags over the 2 years before we married, mostly I wanted to secure my future, tired from years of dating because I thought it was a good idea to marry a man that most resembled my narcissistic dad.

[Cekatu]

Dr. Ramani "thank you" for addressing "the pace" from this angle. I have been saying this for ages. But everyone says to me "... that's not what the books/experts say..."

It's my belief that some narcissists begin to move slowly after a very short period of extreme fast paced love-bombing. A form of manipulation intended to position themselves in the "power"/control position . It's a power play that is well planned and perfectly timed to happen (often) right on the cusp of transitioning into a committed relationship.

In essence, they wait until the victim's defense is lowered; and are sure that s/he is hooked, and ready to they pull back and slow right down.... which in turn throws the victim off stumbling and flailing in the dark....

I've seen and heard enough accounts of this behaviour to know it was a "thing" with narcissists, even if it wasn't yet acknowledged by the experts.

This recognition by you, will help many.

[coreyrenik]

I've been in both fast and slow narcissistic relationship's now back in the dating world after a 20 year relationship I see most red flags pop up 60-90 days. I'm still learning about myself which will never stop. Thank you Dr Ramani

[itsfilipbitch]

Dr Ramani, if you ever see this I am thankful I have come across your videos. Thank you so so much. It's been 2 years since I started watching your channel. There's no video that I watch without a new perspective or some information that is of value.

I am narc free and have been for the last 2.5 years and you have helped greatly. From the bottom of my heat thank you.

[quoteme.goddess]

After 5:15, my 2 failed marriages are explained! I didn't know the signs. All of this! My, then husbands, were taking me off the market, and after marriage they stopped trying, IMMEDIATELY, after we married.

[NayabImtiaz]

We jumped into a relationship in less than 3 months (and he already started talking about marriage). My ex would ALWAYS tell me how he can NOT wait to marry be but the "goal post" kept moving. 3 years ago it was "couple of years" last month, it was still "couple of years ago." And he wanted me to keep waiting (it could have been 3 years, or 13, who tf knows) and not pursue my academic goals (I told him it was a dream to get a doctorate from abroad and he FLIPPED).

My mom's been pressuring me to get engaged. And I thought okay why not, I was soo deep into that trauma bond and thought "okayy that way I'd be a part of his inner world and meet his family and all, " and I thought he'd be happy about it (because he always said marrying me or being with me was ALL he EVER wanted). I floated the idea and he without even giving it even a single thought said no.

After that call ended, I SOBBED, because I was so friggin' heart broken and I think it contributed towards me seeing through him (I am GLAD). I broke up with him last month (the manipulation and hovering was horrible) but I went no contact. The grief comes in waves but I am better off without him.

[juliehurst]

Hello Dr. Ramani! My therapist suggested I watch your videos here on YouTube. She was right! Between my therapist and watching your videos, I'm going to be just fine. Thank you for all you do to help.

[phantomyoda]

The first night we met in person she said it seems like we had know each other forever.

2 to 3 weeks later she was talking about marraige and what ring she wanted and what engagement gift she wanted.. wedding and honeymoon details etc.

About a month in she was trauma bonding and playing the pity part about how she's constantly having to move and no place is stable. Giving me sob stories. I had just bought a new house. Triangulation had started before this time too.

2 months in she moved in. Trauma bonding and raging really started

4 months in she brought her daughter up from another state

6 months in she was my executor and medical POA because she convinced me via love and truma bonding that she was the only one who would honor my wishes and our religious beliefs. Future faking had been going on since day one. Didn't know what it was till I found this page.

6 to 7 months in she was doing wild mood swings with rage and shame. 7 to 8 months I helped her get a housing voucher and moved her out.

9 to 10 months I broke it off and the real rage and vindictiveness and false narrative and slandering etc started.

Now a year this month since I broke it off and she still creates fake online accounts to keep tabs on me. Still portrays herself as the victim and states we were never anything and I imaged it all.

[finnsya]

Yup! You hit my relationship like a nail on the head. He was "cagey and withholding" and I was "fighting to level up while missing all the red flags." For five whole years. Your content saved me Dr. Ramani. The healing program helped me explore my trauma bonds. At some point I did see the red flags mentally, but emotionally still felt drawn to him which was so confusing. Thank you sooo much for helping me through that!❤️

[ChattyLionheart]

I'd sum this up as "whatever happens, it will ALWAYS progress at a pace that's inappropriate for the stage of the relationship".