Denial-based narcissistic relationships

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[julieb]

Before I learned about narcissistic abuse and codependence, I was one of these people. Wasted many years of my life in these relationships. Nowadays, I am living an authentic life and would rather slit my wrists than repeat that relationship dynamic. Thanks again for what you do, Dr. Ramani. Great work as always.

[DolceIbarra]

I was married for 30 years and didn’t know for 28 of them that it was a trauma bonded relationship. I wanted my kids to grow up in a “normal” family, unlike my upbringing by a single alcoholic bi-polar mother. I painted the picture of happiness and success. It was me gaslighting myself however. When I learned of the co-dependent/narcissistic dynamic things stated to make sense. The dysfunction became illuminated. My learning led to awareness of how little self respect I had and eventually to my having boundaries, which ultimately led to the end of our marriage. Realistically it was never much of a marriage, just a shared fantasy that I pretended was real.

[fruhlingsfrisch]

Yes, I was in denial because I literally didn't know that narcissism is a thing back in 2008 when I was in a relationship with a very malignant sadistic narcissist. It took me until recently and to discover this very YouTube channel to educate myself. So thank you so much for spreading this crucial information!☀️

[truth]

My narcissistic dad lived to age 92. My steeped-in-denial mom died at age 57 of autoimmune issues and the massive amount of steroids she took to treat them. My (possibly vulnerable narcissist?) brother, after a lifetime of heavy depression and substance abuse, died of autoimmune issues and alcohol abuse. At age 64, I am the only one left, trying to make something of my life. When I start to feel bad about "not accomplishing this" or "not accomplishing that", I remind myself how long and hard I have worked on my own health and mental health, and how wonderful and amazing it is just to be alive.

[mtc-ji]

It is hard to give up on people and relationships. Denial keeps us safe until it becomes too painful, confusing, and draining to keep up. It will suck the life out of you until you don't recognize yourself anymore. I often used the analogy of the leaky boat when I started to realize my life was unmanageable. I felt like I was keeping us afloat while my partner was consistently drilled holes at the bottom the entire time. I was working hard to get nowhere.

[jennrobi]

I suffered for 10 yrs. With a narc. husband. Was conditioned in dysfunctional family to believe I married him and was therefore “ stuck” in that mess forever!! Gotta love religious guilt and manipulation in a toxic family system. So grateful NOW that I was the scapegoat and NOT the golden child. My tenacity drove me to counseling, support groups and now in my 50’s I know: “I am enough”! Ty Dr. Ramani💕

[jenniferrivera]

The hope of an empath is relentlessly tragic.

[edjoshuatungul]

Was once a denial partner. Whenever my ex does something suspicious or something that may hurt me or our relationship, the cognitive dissonance always kicks in, saying that "it's okay, its normal. It's part of the relationship" or "She didn't mean to do/say that, its fine. It will be fine." Will always let it slide because of the thought that it was normal, until I got cheated on.

Learning about narcissism this year was something I have never thought of doing. And I am thankful not only to Dr. Ramani but to everyone who has shared their experiences and hardships dealing with someone who's narcissistic or a toxic/difficult person.

[minttea]

I was in denial. 100%. I thought I was just in a complex relationship with a difficult man but loved me. I am not sure I would have listened to anyone pointing out how messed up it was. In the end, he nearly destroyed me. It was terrible. The future faking is also a major part. I justified, excused and normalised for years because I didn’t know about narcissism. Also because my experience of abuse did not fit the playbook for ‘normal’ cycle of domestic abuse so I was really confused. I got educated (thanks Dr R!) Now I see narcissistic behaviour everywhere!

[XCocoaCutieX]

I decided to walk away, I couldn’t take feeling small, not appreciated or not valued. He used me and took advantage of my kindness. It hurts so bad but I know this is the best decision for myself. Interestingly, I found your channel over the weekend, right after I called it quits. This video came at the right time.

[daniellee]

Every time she lied to me I told myself she was protecting me. I'd project that into gratitude and love her even more. I feel sick even saying that.

[susancoates]

For me it was my own health. I was a walking zombie who couldn’t function in my own life. I tried everything to try and heal but eventually I came to realize the toxic relationship was literally going to kill me. I would not get better only worse. It opened my eyes and I began to systemically pull away and get some space from him. His habitual silent treatment for weeks at a time, that at first gutted me became a time of healing for me. I would start to come out of the fog and start sleeping better and feel more like myself. It gave me an opportunity to really access and feel the difference from when I was with him and when I wasn’t. Not being with him became something I looked forward to. Eventually I realized being with him truly was at the root of my health issues, and I just one day had enough of his manipulation and game playing with my feelings and called it quits. He was shocked. I have gone no contact and everyday I feel more and more like my old self but better and stronger. None of this would have happened without your channel and others educating me on what I was dealing with. You are an amazing woman ❤️ I love your honesty, humour and dedication. You make a difference in my life. Thank you 👍❤️

[AnaBrigidaGomez]

This one hit hard. What pushed me over was my children, especially my son he made me realize I was giving them a terrible example for future relationships to him and worse to my daughter that could grow up thinking this is how a man should treat her. I couldn't do that to them.

[dianabailey]

Story of my childhood. My father was my mother's primary enabler. He used his children as human shields for his own personal relief. He constantly exhorted us to be the better person. Everything that happened had to be denied, excused, or appropriately spun so that the T Rex that was our mother could do what she did.
Denial used to be my biggest Achilles heel.

[spacegirl]

My life growing up was a denial relationship. My mother was obsessed with keeping everything secret so we could look like a normal, loving family on the outside. My older brother was a monster of her own creation. He did awful things to me and to her. She denied that anything was wrong with him. She made excuses for everything as it related to him and his sadistic tendencies. Nobody could know how bad it was at home -- least of all her. The need to keep her fictions alive was more important than dealing with them and having a true chance at happiness.

And now, decades later, nothing changed because she didn't want it to. She would rather be terrorized by my brother-monster than admit anything was ever wrong.

She reminds me of Miss Havisham from Dickens' "Great Expectations." Everything around her has been ruined but she's still holding on to the story she wants to believe which does not at all resemble reality in any shape or form.

[issabellacasado]

Thank you doctor Ramani for teaching me so much, probably the knowledge that led me to still being alive. I’m 19 I escaped my toxic 31 year old ex Narcissistic partner! When I say escapes I mean it, I started watching your videos a month into before I left. I was only with him for 6 months it felt like years at the time. I went no contact, contacted the police and got a family violence restraining order.
He breached the fvro 9 times and was charged with 6 of the breaches all within the first week of having the 5 years order served on him! He was relentless and brutal, completely justified his own behaviour to his delusional self.
He’s since gotten himself locked up in prison! the police raided his house due to his prior criminality and the breaches of the order. They found guns and drugs and what looked like a literal shrine to me, he had gone mental and had a complete break. I live in Australia and guns are illegal.

Once I left he had told everyone I had been abducted, taken away from him and much worse. I saw this as a pre confession to the crimes he once told me would be my fate.
However I got away and went no contact, I sleep much better at night knowing I’m not going to wake up with to a cold barrel held by psychopath in my room at my family members houses.
The days leading up to his arrest were the worst, ever car, ever noise ever person I was so scared.
I would not have been able to navigate the path away from him without your videos. I was once so stuck and definitely in denial.

Thank you I love you❤️

[indigovj]

When I entered into a relationship with the narcissist, I was looking for acceptance, reciprocity, joy and peace. As the relationship progressed, the narc was extremely critical expected more and more from me to do things for them and for the status. Continually triangulating and making people do more for them is their trick.
I had to see and accept that the narc is making me struggle and fight to win a competition that I don’t even want to take part in.

[kiawalker]

I was in that kind of relationship and refused to see it until a woman at my job went on and on about her past relationships and I started saying wow my husband is like that. I started researching and realized what I was dealing with. Thank God because any love I had for my husband at the time vanished as soon as I could see him and I was out. Thank u Dr. Ramani.

[bkpsly]

I lived in denial for 27 years. That catches up with you eventually! I was someone who didn't know about Narcissism but found out the hard way, by the narcissist betraying me. So fair warning...pull your head out! If it FEELS like something is wrong, there IS something wrong. Stop and take a look at it, what it could be. Save yourself! Your narcissistic partner will not only NOT save you, they will hurt you ON PURPOSE in every way possible, break your heart and leave you empty and without a soul if you let them! They will take everything from you. Be there for yourself! Be strong!

[treesarose]

Because he was covert my denial was entrenched. My kids paid a price. Regrets. Therapy. Years of healing with them kids. But we were changed. Grieving.