Midweek with Dr. C- Finding Peace In The Midst Of A Narcissist’s Chaos

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[martyprivate]

That last question really resonated with me. "After years of being gaslit and walking on eggshells, and finally leaving my narcissist, I find that I'm afraid of him". I was married for 18 years. I left my narc within 6 months of finding out and understanding that he was a covert narcissist. I was always in survival and coping mode when I was still with him. Now that I'm out of the relationship, I realize what a monster I was living with and I am petrified of any contact with him. Some friends don't understand that and tell me that time heals all wounds and that after a couple of years, I should be able to be friends with him, and not care if he follows me to my new location in another state, as he has threatened to do.It's been 2 years since our divorce and I still feel that way. I've had to set boundaries with those friends, and limit my contact with them as well, since they can't possibly understand what went on behind closed doors. They only see his mask and I'm the one who appears to be unnecessarily anxious, avoidant, unforgiving and resentful.

[Alice-fref]

They love to isolate you. My house has always been like we are in lockdown. I had a neighbor ask me one time " why is it no one ever comes to your house?" They never came over either. This has been over 50 years now. I began to have panic attacks soon after getting married. We thank you so much Dr. Carter for being here for us.

[panfried]

In my 25 years of living with a narcissist, i have found that finding peace in life, serenity, showing gentleness and kindness to her was BORING and pathetic. It made her feel 'dead'. So she resorted to chaos, even pulling BS out of thin air to somehow feel that she was still important, significant and necessary in my life.

damn. that can be achieved in peace, but she chose chaos.
this video hits home.

thanks, Dr. C.

[noraj]

' I really get under your skin, don't I LOL' ... That was
the comment my narc made that finally made me realize that I need to focus on not responding, controlling my emotions towards him more, that nothing I will ever say will click in his brain. I have been pouring myself into those types of videos lately and I'm glad I finally switched my focus to that. Dr. Carter, your videos are a life changer, thank you from the bottom of my heart♥️

[lorimoulton]

That is the best definition or test of narcissism I’ve heard. “Watch how they act in conflict.” It’s confusing to know if they’re a narcissist when they’re being generous or kind, but in conflict their true colors show.

[LordMondegrene]

Nothing drives a narcissist crazy like your perfect Zen equanimity. Your calm starves them of their reason for existing, your hate, your upset, your misery.

Starve the monster.

[jeankipper]

A quick closing comment from the seminar was, "Nobody can take care of you like you can take care of you.". Undoubtedly I've heard versions of this many times. This time, whew, it clicked. Thank you.

[doemydear]

I noticed sometimes I feel sick to my stomach while watching learning more.

[kesmarn]

It has always given me an uncomfortable feeling when I hear people use the words "my narcissist." (I'm glad you had the same reaction, Dr C.) Please, friends, let's not take ownership of them. We didn't create them and we're not responsible for them.

[ByongGJun]

I got rid of narcissist from my life by listening to Dr. Carter!!!

[theresafowler]

Agree. It’s one big mess! And so hard when the narcissist performs with “acceptable “ behavior in front of others and others don’t see it. But you know exactly what is happening!

[snowbear]

My sister, a narcissist, is highly controlling but certainly not chaotic. She is highly organised, and I think she has a cleaning disorder. I see it as a need to be in control of everything, including germs.

[vickibrigham]

I was partners with a narcissist for eight years. I had no idea what was happening to me. I finally started to get a clue, and saved up enough money to leave the relationship. I have been free for a little over a year, and I’m on the path of healing, moving past just surviving, towards thriving. (I am on Team Healthy!!) Dr. C., you end most of your videos saying you hope we find our “place of peace”. I’m not sure what peace even feels like. Would you please address this topic? What is peace? How do I know if I’m peaceful? It’s almost like “peace” is a foreign language that I can’t understand…. Thanks for all you do!

[ivatennant]

I ended the relationship of 2 years and had to change my locks and install security cameras---that helped me a lot as far as being terrified at every sound. I am trying to be so kind to me and being gentle to me. Peace

[anta]

I used to get puzzled and confused when someone, who barely knew me, would tell me they loved me. My "friends" would think it was so romantic and didn't think there was anything strange about it so I would question myself (I thought I was wrong for being suspicious). These days I know better ... a lot better!

[obieobrien]

I can’t begin to describe the confusion I had! Nothing I said was validated, and I couldn’t finish what I was saying. On the other side; I was talking at a family function (he was invited to) and he interrupted me. I looked at him and said (I’m front of everyone) excuse me, I wasn’t finished, don’t interrupt. It felt so good when he stopped.

[ΜαρίαΣταυροπούλου-γφ]

"That's the best revenge: Be a healthy You", that's the wisest, Graced advice, I so thank you, Dr C!!!

[sandrag]

I loved the comment, " you are free to choose how to react, how to feel and how to respond." I forgot that I was free to choose. How empowering! I'm free to choose to be me, loving, kind, respectful etc. I can choose not to answer or simply state, "I'm not going to discuss that". This of course will result in very abusive language, rage, name calling etc.... But, I am FREE to choose how I respond. I don't need his validation. I AM a GOOD person! God loves me, I'll learn to love me, and that is simply all I need to be whole and happy!! This is my first positive affirmation that I actually believe and can say!
You really hit a home run with that comment!! Thank you so much Dr C!!

[KL-pqmz]

Team Healthy!!! Yes. Calm in the Chaos!!! Narcissist’s are horribly chaotic ppl. My life has been turned upside down and inside out by my lack of boundaries, and my spouse’s chaos!! I had to leave. Too much. Thank God I can fix me, work on me, love me and completely heal myself instead of spending any more time trying to fix another’s brokenness. I can just work on my own person now = true peace. Thank you Dr Carter. So grateful for you. God bless!! 💝💝

[MAMABRUNOSKITCHEN]

When I know I’m seeing a certain friend, I will listen to Dr. Carter and get inspiration. Yes, it still bothers me that I have to prepare myself but rehearsing helps.