Narcissistic Parents: How to Get Your Painful Childhood OUT OF YOU

JoAnn grew up in a painfully dysfunctional family. Jerry shares JoAnn's story and her pain and trauma. He also shares 9 ways to get your painful childhood out of you.

HERE'S HOW I CAN HELP YOU👇🏼

➡️ RECOMMENDED PLAYLISTS:

🌐 More free resources available on my website:

➡️ FOLLOW ME:

Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[Journeyman-Fixit]

Imagine how much further one could go / what one could achieve without having to carry those psychological chains around (like Jacob Marley), not to mention just feeling truly good. My dog taught me more about happiness than any human ever did.

[foxyred]

I was raised by a single parent psychopathic mother. I was physically, verbally, emotionally abused since I was 5. I was scared of my mother to death. I was afraid of pain, physical pain mostly. Bruises on my face were the norm. I was severely punished for any mistakes, bad grades. I've developed Asthma at the age of 5. Asthma attacks were so bad that my mother had to call 911 ( in my country it was a different number) almost every single week. I had to cook for her, clean the house, had to do grocery shopping, walk miles in the brutal winter storms ( having Asthma) I was never a child I was always a slave! She would yell at me if she had a bad day at work, call me names if food was under cooked. She would be beat me up if dishes were not sparkling clean. I had to wash dishes with ice cold water half the time. My childhood was AWFUL for the most part. I left the house as soon as I graduated from high school. I was never allowed to cry or show ANY emotion. I couldn't cry I felt numb, like a robot until I was 35. This is very scary. And then I began learning about cluster B personality disorders. Thank you to all you tube channels and coaches for helping people like me to learn and heal. It's a very long process but, I've learned a lot about narcissism, psychopathy, codependency etc.

[cindylou]

Sometimes I wonder why our schools waste any time on silly things like math, reading, and writing when learning how to be a good parent could literally change the world.

[colleenjohnstoncomedy]

It think it’s worth mentioning we are to be an adult when interacting with toxic family members but don’t fall into the trap of parenting them.

[teresastratton]

Thank you, i don't know how to explain it but a lifetime of pain has made me so tired

[Honey-vzqq]

That story is making my stomach churn. I fought against my mother's lack of love for me. If it had not been for my grandmother, Susie, people would be reading about me in the newspaper.

[kathyallzem]

Give yourself the love you needed as a child. ♥

[radial]

"It is either chaotic, or stone cold quiet"; "loneliness began to be my friend"; "I began not to love me"; "in my mom's eyes nothing was good enough"; "the feelings of worth were to be sacrificed"; "I gave up ever trying to be someone." Joanne is not alone...

[anniewang]

This sounds so much like my own experience during childhood. The abuse continues on though, up until I finally made decision to go no contact. I finally realized I not only never being loved, but also never being treated like a real human being -instead I was an object to them, because they raised me, so I belong to them. They can treat me anyway they want, no matter how old I am, what life stage I am in.

[happyhiker]

As a 75 year old man I'm still dealing with the first 18 years of living in a war zone of parental emotional abuse. Almost daily arguments. Often my mother over reacted to something I did, or something I should have done because she was still in the fight mode from an argument with my father. Sometimes it was a slap but mostly verbal. My relationship with my father was distant and I was not sure he would miss me if I disappeared. The worst thing was I was 11 years old when my sister was born. Mother worked nights so I became the caregiver for my sister. As she grew I tried to teach her manners and obeying. My father, when he was home would tell her to ignore me and tell me to leave her alone to do as she pleased. I was in the middle with mother telling me to get her ready for bed at a regular time and father interfering. I was a child trying to keep everyone happy, and feeling like I was a failure. School was difficult and my grades reflected that. Finally. when I was about 16, I started staying away. I don't remember what they did for childcare for her. I joined the Navy when I graduated from highschool and got away. Those years from 16 to almost 19 are so vague I can't recall details. I made it out of there but have spent most of my life feeling I was not good enough, but I was successful in marriage. 55 years married to my first true love. Rule number is never argue when our son was present. Rule number never shout. She always encourages me, and I always encouraged her. But I still here the anger and criticism from childhood. I can't get it out of my head.

[loisdahl]

Thanks again for helping! I very definitely am the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and am really for the first time understanding that the reason she was never sympathetic to my problems was that for her - my behavior triggered her sense of shame, although it was completely absurd, and was the reason I got yelled at instead of comforted. One really painful experience was when I was eleven I was out riding my bike in a new dress I loved, and some kid darted out and hit me with a water balloon which drenched me. I came home very upset and crying, but when my mother saw me, her response was to yell at me “I don’t know why these things happen to my kids and nobody else’s!” I dried myself off sobbing, unable to understand any of it, but understanding that I had embarrassed my mother, and it was my fault. So now, at age 65, I finally DO understand! It was first, last and always about her - my feelings were irrelevant. Of course! Thanks for listening.

[DiamondGirl]

I wish I had this information 20 or 30 years ago. At 57, poor health, being alone 95% of the time I don't think recovery would change my circumstances much. Having said that, at least I can maybe start attempting to rid myself of feelings of self loathing and just learn to be my own friend if nothing else. Thank you for posting this and for your obvious empathy for those who are suffering from very painful childhoods.

[francescaverdi]

The last thing I want is to get closer to my narcissistic mother - I just keep it light and shallow and try not to choke on my food when she says vacuous things like "we were a small but close family." The whole concept of self-reflection is an anathema to her. I can't really be bothered to hate her any more but I am aware of the devastation she has caused my sister and myself.

[kl]

These videos are so helpful to me, I am so grateful. I always knew I had a difficult childhood but because I was raised upper middle class, my dad was a surgeon and we were well off...lived by the beach and I had all the material comforts my friends never had...I was definitely NOT allowed to be unhappy. Ever. My mo. Would emotionally (and sometimes physically) abuse me when no one else saw...she was PERFECT in everyone else’s eyes. I was all alone and made to feel crazy because my experiences were not matching up to what everyone around me assumed it was. For 20 yrs I stuffed those feelings aside because my mom was a good grandma to my kids. They loved her more than anything and she was the kind of grandma I wished she was to me as a mother. So I let all my childhood trauma slide as if it never happened. Then old diaries surfaced and all the memories came flooding back. It’s been 6 mo since I stetted this journey of healing and 4 mo since I’ve talked to my mom after she abandoned me when I was feeling suicidal. I checked myself into the ER and in that moment I knew that I did not have a mother, not one I deserved. And I needed to mourn that loss. I’m still desperately grieving but slowly opening my eyes to the abuse I suffered and giving myself permission to go through the emotions and pain I suffered in silence for 44 yrs. it’s so hard and seems so unfair. I’m sad for the child me who never felt love and safety of a mother. I’m a mother now and the abuse ends with me...my children will not go on to continue this cycle. I feel empowered and weak all at the same time. Most of all, I still feel alone and scared.

[valeriehay]

Journaling works for me. Not just words but I art journal. Getting it out on paper helps me tremendously. I was also lucky to find my husband, who is very supportive. He met my family and knew something was wrong and saved me. He's still saving me, bless him.

[moirosalina]

I love your tip to NOT work it out WITH mom, dad, brother and sister. Instead to learn to be an adult with them. Thank you!

[snowstormonsat]

Sounds like my family. Made me cry hearing this. I thought I was alone in what I went through. painful. I'm 47 now and still hurting and healing from the childhood abuse and neglect. My narc BPD mother will never admit her faults or apologize. She will never ever validate my feelings. She really believes I deserved punishment and pain and that I was a terrible child. Truth is, I was a very good little girl. Just wanted love but never got any from her. My psychopath father is dead now, no one misses him. He was a monster. Why do these totally messed up people have children? They hate kids...it's just so crazy. My childhood home was evil, a scary place, chaotic, violent, abusive, cruel, sadistic. I always thought it was demonic and possessed. My home now is cozy, loving, peaceful, warm. I love my child every day, lots of hugs and kisses. Filled with loving pets, everyone is very well cared for. Cozy log home on a farm with lots of gardens. Candle burning at night with wood stove going. Everyone says what a cozy home. It's all I ever wanted. Very peaceful, good energy. The way it should be.

[janegallagher]

The feeling of loneliness from childhood is one of the most difficult aches to push through. I sometime feel the damage is irreversible however, jerry wise is one of the best in his field. What he shares makes great sense and that mountaintop to becoming an adult is in reach. The loneliness from childhood is compound ed when you have no family. I do believe friends can become such but unconditional love is a rare gift that few people know how to share. It only takes one to teach. It is with a lifetime of waiting for such. Thank you Jerry Wise for caring for those of us who know pain to the core but still hope to love and relieve love in this life-time. I always believed in it but it sure ain't a guaranteed.

[hannahi]

You could be the nicest person in the world, but if you gaslight me, we are DONE. It is the HEIGHT of disrespect. You cannot profess to love someone and gaslight them at the same time. Its really infuriating when adults no less, don't understand that you do not have to been intentional to hurt people.