DETACH FROM YOUR ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT

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[rowankatz]

You will know you’ve healed your anxious attachment when you no longer shame yourself for being anxious, but are your own best advocate and best friend and can see avoidant behavior for what it is: insecure, wounded behavior, that is not your job to fix, placate, or dance with.

You have to have a sense of self and belonging to yourself that is stronger than your desire to gain reassurance.

When you step back and look at the behavior that was then triggering you, it becomes obvious that the behavior is entirely not about you, and that bargaining with it and playing into it is not doing you or that person any favors.

Prioritize yourself, your life, and your goals. That is self worth, and in that it will become obvious through people’s actions if they intend to stay and build with you or to go.

A lot of avoidant behavior is baiting - it’s childish attention seeking in a backwards way. They WANT you to overreact so they have an excuse to pull away. And your reaction makes sense, given that the behavior is childish.

But don’t do it, don’t take the bait, don’t give them the reaction. Don’t do the dance. Let them go off and deal with their shit, it’s not your job to do it for them, and you are not going to change them by negotiating with it.

[indiakxoxo]

I’ve been overcoming anxious attachment by focusing on myself more and looking at things from a different perspective. If a person ghosts or treats you badly etc you’ll feel better about yourself just giving your energy back to yourself. Since doing this I’ve increased my income. I’ve accomplished a lot of things and this increased my self esteem and I tell myself I don’t deserve these kinds of behaviors.

Great video!!! You’ve helped me a lot.

[ChillingwithDil]

Detaching from anxious attachment is like removing a cloudy filter from your vision. It's amazing how it can change the way you perceive the world. Letting go of anxiety and embracing a more peaceful perspective is a game-changer.

[waytofreedom]

It is horrible how I get anxious when a guy doesn't reply for a very long time (or plainly shows little interest in me) but then, when someone does, I get afraid of letting them get close and I start acting avoidantly. Anyone else?

[cinthaa]

I am 37 years old and always falling into the same kind of trap of dating/chasing an avoidant guy. No one has ever woken me up so clearly as Margarita does. It’s like she surpasses the slow logical brain and hits you right into the emotional/caring brain to open all our eyes and let us drop the infatuation with these unavailable men. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Margarita ❤

[lillaperendy]

What I realized in my case (AA) is that I have this very deep-seated feeling that I dont deserve more. I dont dare to aim higher because I am scared that I wouldnt be enough for a “good guy” anyway. This feeling sucks a lot. And when I choose bad this feeling of self-loathing gets even worse :( Got a lot to work on…

[aiden_zae]

when u said "even if theyre doing some madness, you're still pursuing them" that was me for 4 months. my ex of 9 years was running away from me, dating and sleeping w someone else and i still forgive her and willing to accept her. but in the end, i gave up. its not worth it. i am the one who keeps pursuing, that person on the other hand, keep me to the side as an option incase it doesnt work out w the new one. it kills me. i am healing thanks to YOU

[alunalalune]

This by far is so true and I have come so so far from the double texting, needing closure, asking why, cry baby I used to be.
When you have a robust life, when you have little niches that allow you to give back to other people and cultivate communities like your friends, family, or support groups- you do heal.
I don't really get what time alot of guys I've been running into are on, like the trauma response games and the little shit test but I'm really not interested. it's a huge turn off to me, I make sure I properly fail or not participate at all and move on about my merry way-

Margarita said it in one of her videos that literally saved me "You only got one life to live on this planet, why would you want to spend it not choosing yourself"

[bencook]

I’m a guy and this resonated with me. Excellent video and so true. Why would you put up with this behaviour if you know your worth, you wouldn’t, it’s that simple!

[daeclipse]

I've been anxious most of my life. My mother was and is awful. Always yelling and swearing and will get all angry over everything and nothing smh. So exhausting to be around an energy vampire that just brings bad vibes everytime your around her.

[lovelylin]

Margarita, girl I was clapping and yelling “YES!” after listening to this! Girl, there is literally no one else on YouTube that I have ever found that deals the truth out like you do. This video is going to be on my playlist for many weeks to come to solidify the lesson . I’m training myself out of a fearful avoidant attachment that I’ve had most of my life up until now. Thank you so much for your presence. I wish I could say something more profound. Your videos are without a doubt, a breath of fresh air towards rapid transformative healing. You should totally partner with the personal development school that Thais Gibson co-owns, she is another heavy hitter that delivers content in a truly special way. I truly appreciate you both for the quality Content you bring to YouTube and life in general. Thank you

[Mom_Luvs_Tech]

So my anxious attachment shows up in a slightly different way. If someone is treating me badly, I feel unsafe. So I’ll feel anxious. And I use that energy to try and get to the root of the problem and say “this is guilt tripping. You’re guilt tripping me. And I’d like it it stop.” But it’s not just 1 thing they do. It’s like 20 things. Covert contracts, setting me up to fail, manipulation, ect.

They sayid I just needed to learn to speak up for my needs………..no, I need to use that energy to LEAVE!

[ashleypowell]

Margarita i just want you to know that you’ve changed my mindset forever. I never even heard the term “anxious attachment” until I saw your video. It describes me to a T. You started me on the self discovery journey that I’ve always wanted to go on but never knew how to start. love you lots like jelly tots ❤️

[zoe-mvji]

Margarita I’m a 23 y/o woman turning 24 this year and I’m so happy I found your channel. God bless you, this video along with the 5 type of woman men use spoke volumes to me as a quiet, “good girl” woman. And the weirdest thing is I have no childhood trauma which has probably helped me not reach the point where I’ve entered relationships with these men (just situationships ) BUT I still have anxious attachment and I think this can come from being naive when you have really nice parents and thinking everyone else will be that kind to you, so extending that kindness which just leads to people using you. It’s a weird line to navigate but I’m going to try and deal with it by being kinder to children, the needy, the elderly and people who deserve it and take a break from men, only a husband (a kind one) would deserve that. Anyways thank you again!

[ThisIsSoul]

❤I am 48 years old and for the first time in my life I found a peak of light leaning on clarity as to why I am the way I am and.. you changed things for me 🙏🏿
I bawled I spoke light into me
I felt every word and I am tuned in fully to me and will make this a journey of a life time
What got me Margarita.. is when you said whatever dream I have or project I’m working on I may as well hang it up and stop (the last part of the video) I got up hollering and bawling saying no no no I won’t do this to me any more
I will show up as the beautiful being that God created me to be
I love you ❤️

[rijd]

I use a few mindfulness meditation practices from the book 30 Days to Reduce Anxiety by Harper Daniels to detach from my anxiety. It's critical to give the brain and body a rest from the influx of thoughts and just simply be in silence a little each day. Emptying the mind for a few minutes is important.

[leilacarvalho]

I didn’t realize what I was acting like until I dated someone just like me and I was like omg is this how I act. I was disgusted boy did that lil episode change. After him I realized that the min I get a sense like the communication isnt right or the treat me I get busy. Naturally busy because I just dont have time for basic treatment and I refuse to say a word we are just not a match and that’s okay.

[ashhmita]

as an 18yo who've never been in a relationship i specifically choose to stay single because of my attachment style. as someone who have witnessed divorce at a young age, i realised the more healing i do and observations i make the better i understand myself as well as why certain people behave a certain way in relationships. i respect you so much for being so open because doing the inner work can be so hard yet it has saved me from negative experiences several times. your vids are so insightful and engaging, you're truly a gem of a woman! <333

[char_latte]

Your words hit home like no one elses. I love your no introduction/ bullshit free straight to the point advice. I can see myself so hard in your descriptions of the anxiously attached, that it almost hurts. But I want to get better, I want to be happy, I want to have an anxiety free and healthy life with stable relationships and your own story gives me a silver lining of hope that it‘s possible to have this.
Thank you so much, I hope you know how much you help people like me!❤️

[Milioem]

I wish I knew all of this in my early 20s.
It’s sad that our mothers didn’t know how to teach us this, instead we learn through sad life lessons.

I’ve just been surviving, never stopped to access how my behavior was sabotaging my relationship.