How to Date an Aspie | Patrons Choice

If you're going to date an Aspie there are a few things you need to know. It's all about communication, and there are a couple of things you can do to improve your chances of avoiding misunderstandings.

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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

I value your time which means there are NO YOUTUBE ADS on my videos.
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[nrsharn]

I'm dating a guy with Asperger and I have ADHD. He made it very clear at first, that he didn't want a relationship, because he's scared of the overwhelming feelings that he might go through. But somehow i managed to change his mind by showing him that I'm just as vulnerable as he is. And it's the best relationship i ever had. No mind game, no lies, no trying to understand things between the lines, it's all very clear. No keeping track of who messaged first and who replied late, we're on the same page when it comes to these small things. We both reply to messages very slow. We hung out with each other almost everyday, but our date was just us having a meal together when it's lunch and dinner time and then we'd do our own stuff (he'll play his game and i'll do my artwork) in the same room. So we love having each other's company and not exhausted by it. Now, I'm in my home country and he's 6000 miles away. It's quite hard. But oh well. It's how it is. :)

[joanelizabethhall]

I just stumbled across your videos and I love them. My boyfriend of 3 years was diagnosed years ago as "moderate to severe Aspergers." The first thing he told me, on our first "not--a-date" was: "I can't live with people or have relationships, and I'm not very good at sex." Um, wow, awkward Dude!! But after that rather peculiar start, things developed and I moved in with him 6 months ago and we are absurdly happy. I have become better about not expecting him to read subtle social cues. I can tell him things like: "Someone hurt my feelings and I'm sad. Please sit next to me and put your arm around me - bonus points for gently stroking my hair." Perfect - my needs are met, and he's happy because he's clear on what the situation calls for.

[Celestein]

Maybe it's because I'm aspie myself, but when I started dating another aspie (before I myself was diagnosed) it was so delightful how straightforward he was without all the 'normal' little headgames often encouraged in dating. I remember the first time I put my finger on what was so striking to me about his way to communicate and I told him "you are the least manipulative or passive aggressive person I've ever met". He always just said exactly how he felt or what he thought about. He just was so authentic. So if that type of delivery works for you, it's actually a gift from heaven when you find it.

[marshhag]

My Aspie partner and I live in two separate RV's right next to each other. That way we can live together but can also retreat into our own spaces when we need alone time or want to get absorbed in our hobbies without interference. It's funny because living together in this manner has allowed us to spend far MORE time together than before we had this arrangement.

[fashunpuss]

Just want to say that I've loved an Aspie for years. We used to live together and I fell in love with him. It was difficult because it wasn't reciprocated and yet he seemed to be flirting with me it was SO hard to read. Anyway - just wanted to put it out there that him being on the spectrum is actually one of the main reasons I find him so attractive. He is honest, creative, very handsome and bloody funny! We are very good friends to this day and it is lovely seeing him grow and change mentally. I've learned not to assume anything! And for some reason he makes me very calm when I'm with him. Which is just lovely because i have Anxiety. He accepts me for who i am and that is precious.

[stephaniebennett]

I am so in love with my new husband! We got married last July (2022). I needed time because I had severe trust issues. My husband is so smart and brilliant and I understand his love language is doing things for me, building things, special projects, etc. He allows me to have dogs and horses and he goes to church with me. I give him space for his coin and stamp collection hobbies. He gives me space to ride horses. I am 51 years old and he is 69 years old. We live in rural Oklahoma and enjoy not being around other people constantly. I moved here from Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas to escape the millions of people moving there. My husband is quiet and I can talk or stay quiet. It's a perfect match! Thank you for your channel and the important information.

[sss]

a lot of this applies for regular friendships too. I cannot take it when people don't communicate

[lala-ctir]

Did she every explain to you the no slippers thing? I was born in the Nordic countries and have lived i Stockholm for more than 25 years, and I've never heard this rule before. No shoes inside, yes, because it brings in all the dirt from the outside, especially bad in the winter when there is snow outside. But lots of people wear slippers inside, I have a pair myself.

[muscovy]

Yes! Understand that we overexplain, that feel like lying to others perhaps, when it is in fact, one of our traits to detail everything.

[nicemarmot]

There wasn't a misunderstanding on your part because slippers aren't shoes. If she had said no footwear or, socks/barefoot only in the house, then you would have been one misunderstanding. #justsaying :D

[MatAuDHD]

This spoke directly to me and made me cry. I can't even imagine how much different things would have been if I'd known about my ASD during my failed marriage. Thank you for doing what you do. I hope other people can learn about themselves earlier in life than I did.

[cortster]

4:20
As an aspie, I have so much trouble with this. I have a tendency to always explain myself, and it always rubs people the wrong way. But I can't NOT explain myself, you know? I hate it when people have the wrong idea and I just have to explain. Because if I don't explain, then it's even worse, I feel. How do I overcome this? It's a lose-lose-situation it feels. Every time.

[xxBreakxxAwayxx]

Using past experience is huge for finding clarity after misunderstandings. It can make ALL the difference when one person is able to say, "Remember that time you did x? What did it mean? What would have been the best response? What would you like me to know about it?" Curiosity is so valuable, especially when we are hurt or angry or disconnected.

[patchoulicolt]

This really helped me. It's hard dating an aspie. My guy is my favorite person. I'm good biggest fan. But it's hard for me due to my own insecurities and depression which shades everything a different color. You do have to check in constantly. My aspie is so amazing. He cares about me so much. I love how he sees things differently. It's so worth it. I don't give him the benefit of the doing like I should. I project a lot. I'm gonna do better.

[colleenhowe]

This is great advice for all relationships, not just when dating aspires. Miscommunication, assumption about behaviour motives are very common problems in a lot of relationships I think.

[viorp]

7:04 That is actually a weird thing for me. I don't need recharge time from my gf. I can't explain it much either.
If I am all day with other people I am usually so exhausted I can barely stand people anymore. For example when in lab I need to take 20 min breaks where I hide in the toilet in silence or on the stairs.


But with her it ain't really a problem. Spending all day 24h per day for 17 days and I was fine. Heck I could "recharge" with her around.

[leah_lani_may]

After this video I can clearly see the mistakes I’ve made in my relationship with my boyfriend who has aspergers. But I can also see the things that I’ve done right. He and I have a very unorthodox relationship seeing as though I have a disability too. I think that has helped us be very accepting of one another. Thank you for these videos. They help a lot of people!

[howardlanus]

You really hit the nail on the head with the issue of unmet and unquestioned assumptions. I got into trouble with a colleague at work without meaning to, and when I said something along the lines of "I guess it's harder when you're an Aspie" and they said "That's no excuse!". I did NOT mean it as an excuse, but as an explanation. Being on the Spectrum means that you DON'T see the world the same way as others, but they assume that you do without really checking if those assumptions are right.

And it was so easy for them to check. Just ASK and LISTEN to the answer.

[MNkno]

Yes!! It is so much easier living as a foreigner, because people will explain things to you, and not assume "the real motives" that just aren't there!

[alexandrabroadbere]

I FEEL the assumption aspect SO much. I often find I am having to explain my actions even though I genuinely feel like I haven't done or said anything wrong.