Autism and Rejection: The Endless Chain Of Evaporating Relationships (How To Break The Cycle)

"Rejection is the story of my life" - Many of us know the pain of rejection and broken relationships. In this video I share some emotional intelligence tips on how to manage autism in relationships and break the cycle of rejection.

CHANNEL LINKS:
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!

My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.

Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.

As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.

I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.

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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.

The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).

In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)

Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests

Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)

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// ABOUT ME

I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.

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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING

I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:

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// CONTACT

Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace,

~Paul

[asmrmetalman]

The problem for me often when building relationships with non autistics is this:

Twice the effort, half the result.

[hisnewlife]

I am actually afraid of relationships now, even friendships because of my being hurt all my life.

[Sparkle.Dammit]

Lol ouch.. "how do I make friends? I know! I'll be a good friend!" This rings so true in my experience. I ended up just accepting that I'm the type of friend that shows up when someone needs me, and "I" disappear when I'm no longer needed.

[mistylanoire]

I learned as a child that my needs were too much, so I tend to pull back when I’m in shutdown mode. I don’t want to burden people but it makes it hard to maintain relationships because I am MIA so frequently.

[Peristerygr]

I felt so much rejection in my school years that in my adult years when I see aprooval I spend a lot of time to convince myself that it isn't a trap.

[MiaMantri]

​I think a lot of us are taught to sacrifice and be selfless so we think we shouldn't ask for reciprocity. But we need to remember it''s ok to ask for it.

[SirBoden]

People avoid me when they realize I can see NT manipulation techniques and logical fallacies as if they had a blinking red arrow pointing at them. When I point out what they are doing it makes them mad. I realized a while ago that most normal people don’t even realize they’re being manipulative or that they’re using lies to get what they want. The more I care about a person the more likely I am to point out when they’re being deceitful, if they are low self-esteem they go away.

The friends that stick around are the ones who are secure enough to tell the truth. I’d rather have five really good friends than dozens of manipulators.

[dillbill]

I've never asked a friend or family member besides my parents for anything in my entire life. Now that i think about it. Not even for someone to pass a bag of chips so I can have some. I never borrow anything or ask for favors. I never complain to people and accept them for who they are. This actually makes a lot of sense now. They just get used to it and don't even think I might need help.

[RichardVaught]

"It seems like I'm surrounded...but as soon as I would reach out they would disappear." Damn... felt that

[rivolinho]

My experience:
A close friend in my elementary school years evaporated when we both went to high school. It was as if a switch flipped in his head at age 13 and mine did not.

A close friendship in early years of high school evaporated in senior years and despite attending the same college we never spoke.

A close friendship that I had for three years in college evaporated in the final year. Three years of daily friendship, shared notes, shared projects, shared gone. The final year we acted as if we barely knew each other. I was practically ghosted.

The worst of all. A friendship from high school which lasted 20 years. The brother I never had. My best man if I should ever need one. A fellow lost soul who also was never comfortable in the world. That same switch flipped. I was surplus to requirements. Ghosted.

I envy people who skip through life oblivious to this kind of life experience.

[hisnewlife]

I wish we had an Aspie social media platform with only Aspies.

[portlandrestaurants]

I find reading recovery material and books on codependency and boundaries help with this issue a lot. I also have learned to treat friends like cats; let them come to you, then pet.

[porridgeramen]

I got a feeling this video is gonna be the words I've needed to hear for a while now

[rogerogue]

While "rejection is the story of my life" massively hit home with me, this video doesn't. Nothing against this video, i'm very glad it's here for those who need it. The problem i run into that causes my rejection cycle isn't the same one; i never even get to any relationship to test. Whenever i reach out to someone, want to make an appointment for something to get to know them, want to connect in some way, i just....get no response. Calls don't get returned, appointments not made, conversations aren't reprochiated, single events don't get followed up on. Doesn't seem to matter how much i try, or what angle i take, i get no response or connection from the other side to build anything. The whole school of fish metaphore in the first stages of contact and connection.

[BobfishAlmighty]

Prioritising yourself isn't the same as being selfish. If you need to work on you, then you _need_ to work on you

[oscardelvalle]

I am at the spectrum. Two years ago I lost my partner from ten years, this week I lost my sister. Now being alone feels like hell. Just want to say your words make a LOT of sense to me right now. So thank you.

[mindym.]

I think the key that might be missing for me is the ability to identify which people are just naturally takers. I’m talking about people who are for whatever reason unable to give much in nearly all situations. I managed purely by chance to meet and marry a giver, and we do things for each other all the time. In times of great stress, he has never let me down! I believe this is rare in the world of relationships no matter how your brain works. But your advice in this video is spot on! Gentle testing will help identify people who can give as well as take.

[traceycrawford]

Wow this has been really eye-opening. I’ve always been the people-pleaser (‘fully accepting’) giving everything but receiving very little. Risking rejection more regularly is a completely new concept to me (and I’m 53)! Thank you so much Paul 👍👍

[elizabethowen]

Hmm perhaps, adult female friendships are different. I’ve paced it with new friendships, invited a friend over for coffee, I had not seen in a long time. I was polite, my house was clean, we seemed to have a good conversation. She said she would love to catch up with me again. All I did was msg her a few days later saying how nice it was to see her and we should catch up again soon, she never replied back. So I left it as didn’t want to be needy. Being needy has cost me friendships but being aloof also doesn’t seem to work 🤷‍♀️.

[weirdchannel]

I have accepted to be alone, got rid all of the expectations/relationship needs and now I am super happy