When Two “Emotional Neglect Adults” Marry | Dr. Jonice Webb

In this video, I’ll describe what happens when two people with Childhood Emotional Neglect marry each other. They are then separated by not just one emotion-blocking wall but two. I’ll outline the 5 problems that arise in these “double emotional neglect” couples.

CEN Breakthrough Video Series:
1. Emotional Neglect: How to Recognize it, Why it’s Invisible, And How it Affects You | Dr. Jonice Webb:
2. Emotional Neglect: 4 Subtle but Painful Things You May Have Missed Growing Up | Dr. Jonice Webb
3. Emotional Neglect: How it Can Make it Hard to Recognize Your Emotions | Dr. Jonice Webb
4. Emotional Neglect: 5 Ways it can Affect Your Emotional Intelligence | Dr. Jonice Webb
5. Emotional Neglect: How to Connect with Yourself and Find Your Voice | Dr. Jonice Webb
6. Emotional Neglect: What Most Therapists Don’t Know and How to Find One Who Does | Dr. Jonice Webb
7. Emotional Neglect: Use These 10 Affirmations to Reparent Yourself | Dr. Jonice Webb
8. Emotional Neglect: Lack of Self-Discipline? It might be Self Neglect Instead | Dr. Jonice Webb
9. Emotional Neglect: How it Impacts Your Love Relationships | Dr. Jonice Webb
10. Emotional Neglect: Jumpstart Your Healing by Doing These 3 Things | Dr. Jonice Webb

00:00 Introduction
01:46 What is Childhood Emotional Neglect?
03:00 The Double CEN Couple
05:36 Struggles of CEN Couples
09:00 Conclusion

[kurt]

What would an adult look like who suffered child emotional neglect but also had undiagnosed ADD, ADHD or autism?

[stef]

I love your videos, you seem so passionate and speak so kindly. My husband and I after the kids moved out are finally working on ourselves! We both suffer from childhood neglect, but made our lives work together with raising our boys to not be how our parents' raised us.

[dianaeverett]

This video and diagnosis described my marriage. Unfortunately we divorced after 12 years and ultimately my former husband drank himself to death after retiring. His emotions were seriously suppressed, and was an alcoholic as a result. He refused counseling and was contemptuous of emotions and anything "touchy feely." His idols were John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, stoic macho males with too many firearms and not enough emotional intelligence. This denial killed him. I am similar but a little more to the center on the "CEN continuum."

Thank you for all your wonderful work, Dr. Webb, you and the concept of CEN weren't around when I was a young adult!

[marcusmartinez]

Yeah, they end up getting divorced ....just went through it all this summer. Now my children will be put through the same treatment as I have little to no custody. Gotta love the system when it comes to divorce court.

[ujg]

In the classic BBC drama 'Fawlty Towers' John Cleves perfectly illustrates a CEN man in action.

[marthawhite]

My recent partner and I struggled with this concept, except that I was actively working on myself through counseling and different recovery groups. Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings really help you to focus on "becoming your own loving parent, " and that has been a great foundation for me to work from. He did grow through his connection with me, but he also resisted and that came out in verbal abuse and insults.

In the end, I feel sad whenever someone doesn't choose to grow and heal their childhood wounds. I think now he might be looking at these issues, as we are not together as a couple anymore. It would be a gift if he could open his heart and look at how the emotional neglect of his own childhood affected him today. As for me, I am glad to keep growing and changing. Thank you Jonice, great recovery help here.

[sandyhodges]

This is so interesting and sad. Thank you for sharing what you’ve studied so in-debt.

[surrealistidealist]

The examples here of thoughts and feelings that the partners won't directly tell each other, and the misinterpretations that ensue, make me think of the terms "covert contract" and "overt contract" I've seen elsewhere. Are you familiar with these terms, and do they seem relevant to you?

The distinction between the two revolves around whether or not people can tell each other explicitly about all of their real goals and values, which include what they fear or feel insecure about. And when we don't tell each other what we need explicitly, we can still end up pursuing those needs covertly, which can cause its own layer of new problems. What do you think?

[sunshinesunflowerz]

This is exactly what happened to iny childhood and its still happening, amd im 40 years old. I came across a guy: 45 years old (met him when he was 39) with the same issue.

[lorifavre]

Try being a CEN adult who married a narcissist/CEN

[vinoslr]

I feel so much hope when listening to this. I read your book "Running on empty" and it really opened my eyes, I could relate so much to what was written and I'm currently learning how to better understand what I'm feeling at any given moment.

So I just want to say thanks for the work you're doing.

Greetings from Sweden!

[joseppersico]

This video sounds like me in my last relationship. HOWEVER you make it sound so easy when you say "access your emotions" and fix it all. Still trying to find the video of yours (I really enjoy your videos) that helps me start to unravel my problem of repressed emotions. I'm pretty sure I already watched your free 10-part series 'CEN breakthrough'.

[terrieknight]

Could you do a video on when a CEN is with an emotionally healthy person. I feel I've found someone that's helped me heal and we have a great relationship but :
1. I get triggered every now and then by his emotional healthiness - I can feel resentful and jealous of his freedom to not have had to carry the weight that I do and can interact with life so much easier.
2. I get jealous of him in social situations where he has ease and confidence, whereas all my relating to others feels heavy and complex with the result that he can make good connections with others and I can feel left out which is a HUGE trigger.
3. Being with him I can feel doubly worthless as I'm constantly comparing myself to him.

Having said all of that though, we would never have been together for 30 happy years if it wasn't the combination of him being so understanding and 'motherley' towards me (the only person in my life that has given me unconditional positive regard) and myself being acutely aware of the why's and wherfores of who I am and making it my life's work to get better.

[noora]

This is exactly our communication. We love each other but we can't get close.

[lalunaytierra]

Oh yes, I see this happening, it is a pattern. We have committed to recognize and repair.

[SpeakingVolumes]

Thank you Jonice. I rarely comment on videos but your videos and book is helping me so much. Love from Australia

[tjasagavez]

Your work answers a lot of my questions and is so so helpful on my healing journey. Thank you 🙏🏻

[JaneEvg]

Thank you Dr. Webb! Very helpful video and right in point all the way to number 5.

[owlsnightout]

Hi Dr. Webb, thank you SO much for making this very specific video about the effects of CEN on a marriage...I truly appreciate this very helpful information!

[dulceneiabarbosa]

Wow. Very helpful, I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for sharing