6 Signs of Emotional Unavailability

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Emotional unavailability can be hard to spot, especially since it all seems so genuine that you probably can relate emotionally to what the other person is experiencing. Especially if you are into them.

Typically emotionally unavailable men tend to cut and run because they are in search of the perfect partner, and, of course, no one is perfect, so once that relationship starts to become "real" and he feels the pressure to connect, he will cut and run.

Emotionally unavailable women, on the other hand, SEEM like they are emotionally available, but they are attached to the wrong person. Typically they are hooked on an emotionally unavailable man because he helps her prove to herself the many limiting beliefs about herself that she secretly holds on to.

Of course this is not a healthy dynamic, but if you know what to look for there are definitely a few signs that someone is emotionally available.

Primarily though you want to look beneath the surface on what a person's emotional state is. Is this person present in the moment? Or are they chasing an ideal?

[Dana-ookp]

If i were to add a 7th sign of the emotionally unavailable person, it would be that they never fully answer your questions when you confront the issue. They have a way of either having the conversations over text which plays into timing of responses...or if it’s a verbal conversation, there tends to be so many questions and such vague answers that you get sidetracked to another point. They really don’t produce a satisfactory answer to quell the anxiety you feel. And really, the conversation, despite your efforts, always ends up unresolved thereby perpetuating your frustration.

[c.a.dunlop]

Seventh sign of emotional unavailability.... Silent treatment, similar to bread crumbing it creates a platform on communication on their terms only, this slowly breaches your boundaries and lowers your standards if you give in.

[bixumbi]

They are feeling guilty for having lead you on, but lack the courage to break it off and come out as the 'villain' of the story. So they will slow fade and wear you out until you, the dumpee, becomes the dumper. How is that for some irony?

[DanielRamBeats]

This is so spot on I can’t even explain

[sofierasmussen]

Thank you!
Wise words - that makes sense!
He is suddenly distant again again.. Like almost ghosting.. been there many times.
Trying to be patient, but sometimes I feel so confused and emotionally drained.
I don't want to give up. But this is simply just too much for me. I have to ask myself - If this REALLY is worth my time and energy in the long run.
But still I love him so much. It feels like I am breaking inside.
😔

[Julio-eznp]

I love the way you teach, you are realistic and humane with all, while the others be demonizing women and teaching to be in a war with therm, to treat them harsh and indifference, and be always in a defensive mode. 👍👍

[saraholland]

Very helpful advice. I’m learning to not over analyze what my ex is thinking or doing. Especially in regards to response to texts. Thank you.

[trexi]

Hi Clay, I have been binging your playlists since my ex broke up with me. Kudos to you for being one of the only people out there not insisting on mind games.
I have a question though, my ex left me because of a mental health crisis. It is almost like he is in the first stage as well as riding the dragon. One moment it will be exhaustive walling me out and then it will be the quick changes of hot and cold where he will say he doesn't feel like we are over and he still feels committed to me, but then will say he isn't sure if he feels that out of guilt (he says he only feels numb atm) and then insists on us being single and doing what we want. I want nothing more than to have him back and for him to heal. So I guess my question is, what do you do if their reasoning for the break up is their mental health and wanting to not drag you down with them?

[ggozum]

Wow Clay you read my mind and put it into practical analyses. Sheesh I've seen great Korean movies as well as Mindy Kaling with her annoying screechy 🦉 voice and the bread crumbing and all the signs are scary, so we shall see: the trip to Paris may be helpful on many levels! "On y va!" We shall see!

[kathleencarosi]

Wish I had thought to watch this 9 months ago. I know deep down the guy didn't do it on purpose but when he would cancel plans because of a change in his work schedule or he wasn't feeling good he would always say he was sorry to be such a disappointment. Now he is rushing in my opinion with a single mom with a 6 and 11 year old (half sisters) (we had multiple talks about kids and he was very happy/thankful to be childfree). I miss our friendship and our fun conversations about sports and such. I've decided they may just be two people with low self esteem pairing up. She filed for divorce after a 6.5 year marriage and they got together around when it was final 3 months later.

[anasia]

Is it good when i know that he didnt do rebound before our relationship? That he is not a type for this but he does it now?

[vegpuppy]

I know this video is about a year old from when I am writing.
After a few really great dates with a guy, he completely blocked me from any way of contacting him; phone, e-mail, social media, etc.
Is that or could that be a sign of him being emotionally unavailable?
(I’m just trying not to blame myself here)

[tanyatanu]

Good video and good answers. I’m going to also add that having a counselor will help you get through all of your emotional feelings and states so you can do what this guy is recommending. By yourself, if you are a neurotic, it’s really hard to analyze and change your behavior. Ask for professional help, there is no shame in that.

[kianathomas]

If you break up your relationship with a emotionally unavailable person does that mean that you are becoming more emotionally available to yourself? Thank you for the videos.

[liamhutton]

Hey Clay, urgent help needed!
I fucked up... Big time. Me and my ex were on texting terms, she remained cold and distant but was open to texting. I was getting anxious and asked one of her friends about her, her friend then told her that i was in contact with her amd my ex flew off the handle.... I got a series of text saying that i lied to her as i said that i wouldn't contact her friends. She said she tried to be friends with me but now she is done. I was going to call her and apologize for my actions explaining that i have grown alot since our breakup but what i did was a big back step. Is this a good idea? I want to put this to bed and get back on talking terms with her, please help me clay.
Thank you

[gem]

I know you did these videos on letting go but sometimes I hear about the situation with your dad and mom (sorry to pick on personal stuff) and I feel like I may be like your dad in 10yrs time 😔

I know you explained what’s letting go? But who’s definition is right? He feels he’s letting go coz he left and is trying to forget the past and start a new chapter but by breaking up. I’m saying he can’t let go coz he couldn’t look past ‘my neglecting his needs’ and see how we both were in a bad cycle and so it isn’t something I’m proud of. But here I am owning my stuff and wanting to deal with the issues so we can move forward.

I’m saying ‘I forgive you for your bad stuff coz I saw your bad acts in context and it isn’t reflective of who you truly are’ - so I’m the one who can let go of past and forgive him and start on a clean slate and by him walking away means he can’t let go. He feels me discussing stuff is I can’t let go and that letting go is breaking up?
So who’s right?

Thanks 😊🤗

[billieglasscock]

I can s relate to these 7 things. I see them in myself. I’m dating an amazing man & I find myself asking myself, why am I just not bonding with him like I’d like. We’ve been dating about 7 months & I’m just numb. I enjoy his company. The sex is amazing. He checks so many boxes! It sucks to be numb. What do I do!?

[denisejaydub]

Thank you for this video. Can you talk more about attachment theories please? 🙂

[Azyz]

Wow you watching love from the star😍😍you are also k-drama fan😅😅😍😍

[mirakhatib]

I am emotionally unavailable and i dont know how to fix this. I am dating a really nice guy he treats me very nicely however i had never been in a relationship like this all my exs treated me badly so this is new to me .