Re-Parenting - Part 87 - Limerence and Relationship Addiction

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What is Limerence? Is it connected to relationship addiction? What causes it? Does it have anything to do with Complex Trauma?

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[Hags]

I always entered all my relationships with a Limerence script until I met a safe friend who has a healthy script. One thing that stood me most about him is that he had/has boundaries, was respectful and I did not feel like he was a performer at the start of our relationship like I was.

[IamKateIsabella]

Oh wow. I’m 29 and I have some of these serious issues. Maybe I can turn it around before it’s too late.

[MrBrunoUSA]

limerance is why i had so many relationship failires in the 80s. i ended up taking myself off the market. now i know why i kept acting like i did. i used to long to be loved and to love but i stopped a d took myself off the market thirty years ago. i have fallen for too many preators that way. Now I know why. sorry this is so scattered.

[charmedprince]

As someone who just got out of two consecutive limerence episodes from 2021-2022 and 2023-2024, I would never wish this upon anybody. I hope you all meet the loves of your lives and they will love you and reciprocate every effort you give. I hope you heal your traumas to avoid this shxt. I, however, vow to never love again until I di3.

[unity]

WOW. 😢 I started out insisting on healthy reasonable boundaries. All my boundaries evaporated as I developed fears that my partner would abandon me. In my love addiction, I abandoned myself

[TimToGim]

I am so disappointed in myself for not knowing this before I got into a relationship. Sadly it ended because of this terrible obsession, I hope she can forgive me and I can forgive myself in the future.

[angel-mqmo]

I have never heard a more understandable, relatable, concise, and in-depth explanation of this subject matter before. Thank you! Although I have very few traits of a love addicted person or a person who tends to be in limerence patterns continually, I do identify with and fall into some of the descriptions you gave. I never let anyone break my boundaries without taking clear action. I never give up my own life, interests, or important friend and family relationships for anyone. And I cut off a relationship with anyone who isn't reciprocating or being consistent with me. I never spend time fantasizing about what could be. I never chase anyone who clearly doesn't want me in their life. Never stalk or try to find out what they are doing. However, I do tend to silently long for and miss someone that I truly cared about and absolutely loved spending time with. And those feelings of loss and sadness seem to last a really long time for me, despite the fact that I continue being successful, cheerful, productive, and interactive with those I hold dear. But deep down, the pain lingers and I continue to hold out hope for us in the future, but not in an unrealistic way and not by compromising my standards. Guess I need to learn to detach🥺

[bradallenfitness]

Why did I not see this before? Life would have been so much better. Tim, I thank you for putting these topics in such a comprehensive way. God bless you.

[BXLrules]

this is excellent, Ive been going through this cycle for 20 years and it eats me alive. I really want to beat this, videos like this one are a gift to troubled people like me. thank you

[frizzyrascal]

This is so helpful. I'm already over the wishful fantasy of one person "fixing" me. But at times I still feel like I'm desperate and your videos help me calm down

[cherankimiorak]

What Tim is explaining is everything I went through with my ex narc and how I felt in that relationship. I put him on a pedestal that he would be my fixer to making me feel better and loved. I had so much stress and anxiety I depended heavily on his approval and “love for me” it became an obsession . This video is sooo helpful and now I can understand what exactly was happening with me.

[kurt]

I'd like you to do a video about complex trauma and employment and why it's hard to keep a job

[anjieliverpool]

Now that i know the root cause, i can begin to work on myself.never heard this word before. Thanks, the video was very helpful .

[lakshmanmp]

Thank So much Sir. Your explanations on Limerence and anxious attachment style, completely resonates with me, and my characteristics. I am 47. I still experience fair amount of Limerence w.r.t a girl I pursued for 2 years from the age of 14 to 16, before I got rejected by her. Just to help others, Dr. Becky Spelman's video "Limerence vs Love: 13 Signs You're Experiencing Limerence, Not Love" is also very helpful.

[madellie]

Wish I'd watched this decades ago. Thankyou so much for explaining

[JJtvee]

A good portion of this description in the begging was the definition of falling in love. ❤😂

[ms.seipatisekokotoana]

This is me explained. God Lord i hate it it has an aspect of Envy or jealousy in it.

I feel very hurt by this because i don't like envying someone else.

CPTSD its such a burden but I still thank God for my successes were also the results of it. Some people went to the grave because of their Childhood traumas.

[angstrom]

Thank you VERY MUCH for this. I won't tell my story, but you just explained it all. THANK YOU.

[Mom_Luvs_Tech]

Ugh, I see that I’m still exhibiting patterns of love addiction. As an FA attachment I still need to work on my anxious side. I hang on to broken, dysfunctional relationships too long still.

[andresmendez]

I've come to learn, my parents f*cked me up 😔💔