My Ex Told Me to Move On .- Clay Andrews 5 Stages [4 of 5]

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The fourth phase of getting back together with your ex is confusing for a lot of people because you and your ex are having some very consistent and positive interactions with one another.

You’re past the Riding the Dragon stage, so the hot and cold behavior may be gone.

But your ex may be telling you to move on. Your ex may be confused about what they want. Your ex may even be looking for reasons why the two of you will never work as a couple.

What’s going on?

Why is your ex doing this when you two are having positive interactions?

Why the pullback?

Well, this is because your ex is at the Crisis Point.

Here your ex knows that they have positive feelings for you. They know that they like you.

However, they are scared because they are at a place where they know that they don’t have any moves left without making some changes in their life to get back together with you.

And this scares them.

They know that if things keep going this way, they are going to have to rearrange their life and actually get serious about the prospect of getting back together with you.

This means they may need to break up with anyone else that they might be in a rebound relationship with. They may need to tell their friends and family that the two of you are getting back together again. They may need to make some real changes in their life.

And, although the interactions with you feel good, they still have some lingering wisps of doubt. They aren’t completely sure that the two of you are going to work out.

What your ex needs at this point in time is the knowledge that you are going to be there for them.

They need to know that if they make any big changes in their life that you aren’t going to leave them high and dry and vanish on them, change on them, or let them down.

This is the point where it actually makes sense to tell your ex how much they mean to you.

[mommabear]

I just wanted to let you know that I watched all your videos over and over again after a bad break up with the love of my life. The process went exactly as you described in each video and I am happy to say that after 4-5 months of being apart we are now back together and happier then ever. :) thank you!!!

This is where we are now. Today was the day I showed empathy and apologized, no pressure, no hidden goals. It worked. He was happy to hear that I'm aware of what he's been through and I could feel no barriers from him. For all those who are abt to give up, let me tell you smthing. There's always a hope. We ended when I was 7 months pregnant. It was bad and ugly, it was the worst possible scenario. My daughter is 3 months now. Thank you Clay! Your advices worth gold. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Will update, hopefully with a good news. Good luck everyone!

[enteblu]

My ex basically did everything he shouldn’t have done since our break up . Biggest disappointment of my life. I hate him but still miss him. At least the old good version. So nasty.

[Kabecat]

I'm good moving on. Probably the best decision I've made since she decided she would marry someone else. Happy she's happy.

[alljenniferis]

What happens if my ex looked for me after two years of breaking up with the intentions of getting back together. But one day I discovered something he did in the past and I yelled at him for it. Now he is saying that I reminded him of the problems we had before and can just offer me his friendship. I’m convinced he’s the love of my life what do I do?

[JellySkulls]

When I log on messenger we talk and he'll ask me where I've been. I just tell him I've been busy. Honestly, I've been avoiding him because I don't want him to get sick of me. I make him laugh and talk about stuff we're into. Sometimes he'll tell me he's really sad but it's really hard for me to ask why because I know he's going through heartache and guilt. It makes me feel pressured to console him and I don't want to. In my head I'm like "boohoo I'm so sorry you're so sad for dumping me instead of trying to work things out, EVEN THOUGH WE TOGETHER 14 YEARS." lol. Instead I don't ask why and I just send him something funny to cheer him up. Am I wrong for doing this? I'm scared by consoling him that I'm making it easier for him to deal with him breaking up with me or helping him move on. Is it okay to feel angry about their sadness?

Can you make a video explaining how to deal with confronted with your ex's sadness over the breakup?

[julielopez]

He keeps saying we are over he has no feelings towards me, yet I’m not implying anything . I don’t push or anything we have had 4 interactions and he had came on to me, obviously I accepted bc I miss him but I’m just going on his wave but then keep getting told whoa whoa we ain’t anything we are over .. so I’m confused wtf I’m doing wrong

[Grace_Psychology]

Hi there, I’m so confused and idk what stage my ex is at and I feel like it’s hopeless. He really enjoys spending time with me and he is connecting with me a lot. But he also encourages me to meet other people and seems confident about the decision to break up. I know you said an ex can never be in the friend zone, but I really feel like I’m slowly being friend zoned because he’s having an easier time maintaining physical boundaries.

[jeffreykadriu]

Ex and I got back together and dated for 15 months it was amazing but the back end was a little rough with random arguments.. we worked together and I think that made things worse… she broke up with me in February of 2022! I went into NC then a week later on Valentine’s Day she reaches out wanting to talk etc.. told her I wasn’t ready.. two weeks later we meet up and talk and it’s good then randomly we mutually started making out.. I went to Europe the next day with my family for 2 weeks! I come back and she’s wanting to hang out but deep down I was confused cause I wanted to give you space.. we had sex a couple of times and it was amazing! She texted me saying That’s why last week was different 😪 idk I feel bad bc I want you to be happy but we gotta move on a little too yk. We can’t just sit in this relationship some more. I’m confused because she also invited me late December for a cruise for her bday and wanted to share a room! And in January I’m going to Italy for culinary school and she said she wants to visit me .. now she’s like I wanna be friends and take it slow… any idea ?

[mariannakrejniuk]

Hi Clay, is it possible that your ex can give you some mixed signals in the Crisis Point as well (just like in the phase of Riding the Dragon)?

[yeoitscori]

It's a 2 year long distance but because of my dependency on him pressured him to feeling insecure in his capabilities of giving my demands. Trying to work on myself now but we are in no contact. So what can I do?

[TheKlopka]

I have a question. My ex is clearly in riding the dragon. A problem is she constantly, even as she's backing away, says she loves me and misses me. She came over the other night and we spent a good 5 hours together. All good vibes. I told her I was open to trying again if she ever wanted. She told me she kind of lost feelings for me in the relationship and doesn't want to end up in the same place again. I agreed and I feel like I'm being forced into this really good friend role which is where I don't want to be. She just had "the talk" with her rebound and he beat her to the punch and broke up with her. She seems more upset about that than anything. She wants to be friends. She calls me every night and if someone saw us together they would in no way think we were just friends.

How do I navigate this into her committing to something? I feel like she is a squirrel caked in oil and I'm trying to catch it.

[silkbuttons]

Clay! I did my NC both active and non active and my ex reached out to say merry Xmas and to get his things back but I stuffed up because when we spoke on the phone he was emotional and wanted to bring up the past. Stupidly I had this long discussion with him and I cried and we argued a bit and went back and forth. He wants to put me in the lets keep in touch so I know you're doing ok model and this can serve his guilt and keep me as a planB. I cannot handle that as I'm really struggling to begin to move in. I know he still loves me and cares for me. Help? Xx

[mandihall]

I don’t think my ex husband wants to get back with me he says to leave him alone and move on. Pls help

[bailey]

I did ask if we could talk... is that the same as asking to get back together?
I did show empathy because I mean it. I got in my head in our relationship and deserved the breakup; I expressed that to him...

[nicolaking]

Me and my ex are amazing. Meeting up. He's attracted to me. But he keeps throwing the dating card at me. I need to get past this. What do i say everytime he brings up me having to date others

[markis]

Is this a crisis point?


My ex came over recently this past Wednesday July 3rd and the sexual tension was there. She left feeling upset because she felt herself feeling like she did during our relationship and felt that she was becoming horny and wanted to have sex with me. She has a boyfriend and she claims she is happy and won’t cheat on him but for the past few weeks prior to her coming over she has been saying she misses me or that she has her doubts because unlike me the boyfriend doesn’t know what or where he wants to go in life just yet. I have applied the active no contact rule you suggest and let her initiate contact. What should I do it is confusing.

[linahmphuthi]

My ex told me he loves me so much but not in love then later told me to just move on. Not sure if it’s the same situation that you’re talking about🙇🏻‍♀️💔I’m so conflicted. Is there even a chance of us getting back together?

[mariannakrejniuk]

Hi Clay, if your ex switches his behavior from giving you mixed signs to "negative signs" where he's like rejecting you, does it definitely mean that he switched from The riding to dragon to The crisis? Or can it be sonewhere in between? Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between The riding the dragon and The crisis point.

[jebfrost]

Clay i have an important question. If your had a short term relationship and it was good but they weren't ready because of a previous marriage. But the break up escalated badly. Is there still a chance because of how yu felt together, or can the animosity from the break be to much to get through.