Re-Parenting - Part 32 - Loving Someone with BPD

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Borderline Personality Disorder has become a label that carries a stigma. Tim asks people to get rid of that label and look at how a person would cope today in an intimate relationship if they were deeply hurt in a relationship as a child. How do we heal from deep relationship wounds? What are helpful tools for when those wounds are triggered today?

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[Lyrielonwind]

What is undermining is that the people who caused those deep wounds get the sympathy from the community, they still get praise 😢

[StellaSable]

Healing, loving myself finally after almost 40 years of narc trauma and abuse.

Sink or swim. We're all on our own.

[bebaaskaful]

I was crying while listening youre explanation on BPD. So much compassion and understanding. As someone who has BPD I know that it is bad coping strategy from deep pain, fear of abondonment, rejection. Any behaviour that comes when we get triggered do high makes us feel toxic shame and that we dont deserve to live. It is not a manipulation as many say, it is so incredably paintfull that you dont have any other choice if you didnt get youre toolbox right before bad thing happens. So amyone out there with BPD we can heal, it is a hard road but it is wotrh. Noone deserves that kind of punishment for mistake. And we punish ourselves so much. Thank you Tim

[V]

It’s heartbreaking to see how BPD destroys relationships you can do everything you can but until they admit they have a problem nothing changes

[jessicamorales]

So sad, ...but their role is to get better, our role is not to get worse. Thanks Tim!

[smustipher]

Have dealt with someone like this and over the years learned to expect that they will be defensive over the most innocous things - a glance, a simple question where I am expressing curiousity or trying to be of assistance, and they feel criticized, attacked, or insulted and go into fight or flight. I just let them keep their world view and do not expect them to be able to trust or fully participate in healthy relating. I used to worry about it, but now I accept that's just their limitation.

[angelamossucco]

Wow. I accepted the behavior of someone with non conventional bpd and cptsd. I had to walk away after years of trying to build a mutually safe relationship emotionally.

He would not go to get help.

He had been kind in many ways

[JuliaShalomJordan]

Thank u for providing much needed info and healing for those who can’t afford therapy.❤️

[itamar.j.rachailovich]

I have BPD.
I am extremely successful in my studies (I excelled at every university I studied, by which I mean I was top at my class) of biology and neural sciences.
However I always find myself get into troubles because of my temper and anger, I just can’t get along with people.
People can see me as dangerous even though I never get into physical violence.
In the end of the day despite being highly highly successful in my academic achievement and intelligent, I find myself out of the system and can’t fulfil my potential. It’s highly frustrating.
Furthermore, I kinda of lonely, socially and romantically.
The truth is that I have good heart, I never lie, never deceive, never cheat, always direct and straight forward, and I never hurt people other then rages curses and screams.

[jak]

Thank you for your compassionate stance. Yes old wounds fuel the current ones. Catching the gap between the trigger and the response is where the work is- namely in emotional regulation, plus learning to be vulnerable. That said there needs to be a vessel to receive that vulnerability. The traits or disorder are the person’s responsibility- if the awareness is there, however it can’t be overlooked that a relationship is a dynamic between two people. The person without bpd also contributes to the relationships dynamic. It is great that there are bpd self help and relationship resources out there to assist. Assuming the relationship is wanted (otherwise why stay in it?) hopefully effort can be made by both people to develop the personal skills and tools necessary for a healthy relationship alongside genuine interest in and love for each other.

[mapsdot]

I was married to a high functioning (read quiet bpd) individual for about 18 yrs. I don't recommend it. The worst aspects were the projection, the shame and the meaninglessness. She couldn't emotionally distinguish me from her mother. Any time I'd bring a simple request to her she'd turn it into how inadequate she was and it would never get resolved. Any conflict became a vortex of meaninglessness following what I later learned was the Karpman drama triangle (poor me, let me help you, its all your fault). Eventually I grew to resent her because there was no conflict resolution and therefore no real intimacy. Instead we had a trauma bond.

The projection is like a form of munchausen by proxy, where they turn you into the sick parent who was unable to meet their needs and then tries to caretake to get their needs met.

Its a hopeless situation. I don't recommend staying

[MrBrunoUSA]

i have cptsd and bpd and gave up on love decades ago.

[aprilcumberbatch]

Self reflection is extremely important for anybody, but especially for anyone who has experienced trauma. If one can pause and observe, then respond and not react then impulsive actions decrease.

[Thatsbannanas-dc]

Tim, just explained it sensitively.
But the comments are so insensitive.
Way to go peeps.
That’s the reality!

[sarahcouture]

This is me to a T. I hate it! I hate it so much 😫 borderline pd is so painful and makes life especially relationships very hard. Feels impossible, but love is my biggest wish, unfortunately I ruin it every time 😔

[anonymousprivate]

I am autistic and BPD and my family I suspect. This was excellent to listen to. Even though I am not religious at all, I respect people that are and am willing to hear them. I have not been in a relationship for 7 years and quite happy single as tough as it is dealing with these conditions. My mental/emotional health is number one for me and healing. Content like this on youtube is all I have in terms of mental health support due to my circumstances and it not being available in my area. Thanks Tim. :)

[theRelentlessWarrior]

BPD is so hard to deal with. Tim, your discussion is so on point. Thanks.

[Clevelandsteamer]

The irony is that they attain the very thing they fear the most. Abandonment

[sally]

Your work is just amazing and helpful and heartwarming and genuine! Thank you 🙏 ❤

[roxy]

Thank you so validating to emphasise this is an attachment disorder.