Top 3 avoidant discard excuses (and their true meanings)

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[HealingWithAndy]

They will blame anything else except themselves. How can they not comprehend how devoid of human emotion the discard phase is?

[SNicole]

He definitely used work as an excuse. He also said that he wasn’t good enough for me and he doesn’t think he will ever be. Lol.

[tumbleweedconnection]

I heard "something isn't quite right, we're just not each other's special person, I don't want you to change just to make me happy!"

[DanakuNakka]

Wish I found these videos sooner! Now I know why for 3 years, I could not get her to do even one single task that would help our future. She always gave excuses, acted like she was too caught up with work or just reacted with angst anytime I brought up things that require to be done. I wish I knew sooner that that was a real red flag.

[npkrn]

I dont believe it can ALWAYS be attributed to childhood neglect. I was neglected and pushed aside by a good part of my family growing up and had some major losses, parents divorcing and being wrapped up in themselves too much, a highly narcissistic Aunt who I spent a lot of time with and her "clones" (her awful children -my cousins) yet guess what...I don't treat people like this. I try my best to be honest with them even if I know I may hurt someone. Why? Because I've had too many liars in my life and I refuse to lie about important things.

Lets stop slapping a label on these adult infants and letting them off the hook. Its like alcoholics...they think they can get a pass by making amends and saying they have a "disease". 🙄 Treat others how you would want to be treated. Its not that difficult. If you can't, you're a D-bag. Period.

[waterpkmnmstr]

WOW I actually heard every single one of these in this last one

[MARIOPOWERUP]

I got the “I can’t meet your needs”, ”he’s not good enough for me” then I got “I can’t get your unspoken needs” which can understand to an extent but why specify after dumping all that on me, then he follows up with “I can only do fwb”, then follows up with he thinks the breakup is the right choice “for now”, After getting closure he asks to be friends, I ask him what does friendship mean to him and goes he doesn't know because he never had it. I couldn't do anything else but walk away… I felt bad but I didn't have clue what to do. Most posts online says being friends with an avoidant is a no go.

[tiberiumgaming]

I was discarded by an avoidant after a seemingly perfect 3 year relationship, I was mere months away from asking her to marry me, and then all of a sudden, she’s gone, totally disappeared without a trace, blocked me on everything, and didn’t hear from her for months/years. It took 9 years without any explanation given before I got a vague answer of “we were just too young to be in love”. I’m almost 40 now and still think about her every day of my life, she still has me blocked.

[sangriaquarius]

I've heard all 3. It's sad but I agreed and left them alone. As they wished.

[fitnleen]

He did say these things to me too, yet after two months he messaged me saying he has a girlfriend now… I really don’t know what to feel about it. I was willing to go through it with him as I learned about his attachment style, to heal and grow with him. But I guess he felt very vulnerable with me the last time we met and he said he felt uncomfortable after that… it’s so sad.

[fadingfrontier]

Coach Ryan is so right. My fearful avoidant mentioned them all (minus the bonus😅) after we had great time together. Things would start going down hill because she was stressed during a moving...I think I am moving into secure, so I am not suffering, just disappointed because she is beautiful. Anyway they are a waste of time if you look for a stable relationship. They are hopeless, totally. Thank you Coach Ryan!!

[ladyofspa]

How did you read my relationship to a T!!! EXACTLY-OMG you are good. Can you please expand on how why avoidants bury themselves in work to soothe that inner child In success, blind ambition to cover up early rejection and abandonment. HOW DO WE IDENTIFY THIS PERSONALITY WOUND EARLY???

[bigboss]

She definitely used excuses two and three when it came time to discard me.

[quanitathompson]

I always get the I have to work excuse or I picked up double shifts 🙄

[jillianhajdasz]

Heard all of this. And any time i broached the subject, I heard, " I can't handle this conversation right now." It was never a good time.

I should have run in the first 6 months when he would "jomingly" say, " When are you going to get tired and dump me?" 🙄

[howtohuman]

Not me having broken up recently for all of these reasons 😅

[deboraocallaghan]

Oh my gosh! Every single one of them was the reason of the break up

[SyddeMyzard]

Mine told me : i have learned to live without you..

[YaxinYe-nkgv]

I’m an avoidant who caused the breakup with my anxious ex, how do I fix my attachment issues and become a better person? I’ve been going to therapies but are there any other ways to improve too?

[teresawood]

How about: I just need my freedom/independence.