Gaslighting at Work | The Signs

Are you a victim of gaslighting at work? There are hidden signs and behaviors you need to know. Clinical psychologist, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, break down what you need to know, and how to spot whether you are a victim of gaslighting at work.

00:00 Intro
00:25 What is gaslighting?
02:03 Common signs of gaslighting at work
05:23 Gaslighting during "the great resignation"
08:37 What is "blame deflection"?
10:09 Instant strategies for when you're being gaslit

#mentalhealth #narcissism #work #psychology #gaslighting #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #workplacewellness

[lornenoland]

Best part of being gaslighted is when you advocate for reality, and they accuse YOU of gaslighting THEM

[FreindOfBears]

This is why I’m a contractor who works for a small group of people I trust. Working for narcissists isn’t worth any amount of money.

[lavenduct]

This happened to me but the difference was it was during an interview. Here's how it went. I came in for an interview @ 10am and I was told to design a website homepage for a test. I did this in a couple of hours and my interviewer brought in a second website to create which I nailed in a few hours and then I was given the third website which I finished up before closing hours... @ 5pm the interviewer comes in and says I can go home and will be contacted soon. I left the company building feeling a bit used. Waited for the call or email which never happened until a month and one week later. I was called by same company to come in. I got to the office and I was asked to setup my PC and tools. There was a website I was supposed to deliver that day. I asked the interviewer if I was getting employed or this was yet another interview and he told me I was getting interviewed again. He said my other tests were good but this repeat test was need to test for competence and speed. So I try to get more clarity as to why I had to be tested again and he went ballistic, said I was being rude for asking so many questions. I packed my bag and told him he would have to pay me for anymore interviews.

[Kathy-etjy]

Sometimes employers will do this deliberately if they want to the person to quit.

[alexeusnicol]

I didn't realize my previous employer was gaslighting me on my review. But I did refute the bad review and they did double down. That's when I did exactly what Dr. Ramani said...looked for another job, asked if they could meet the raise, and left when they said no. It was especially sketchy when my boss claimed to have talked to higher ups about my raise or new jobopportunity and the higher up came to me and said they were surprised I was leaving...🤔

[ThePenngates]

Years ago, I was in an admin job at a university. My job included that I leave my desk twice a day to go to another floor to pick up mail, which took about 5 minutes each time. After a while, the director informed me that she did not want me to leave my desk during work hours. I asked how I would retrieve the mail if I could not leave my desk, and she said: "You'll have to figure that out, but I want you to stay at your desk." I asked if she did not want me to get the mail, and again she said: "I want you to do your job, but don't leave your desk." Crazy-making crap. I had always received stellar reviews from former directors and was proud of doing my job very well. In the end, she sabotaged me big-time. I had been encouraged by other directors to apply for a job that had opened, a promotion. I applied, and that awful woman went to the hiring committee and told them they should not hire me because I wouldn't do the work, which was a flat out lie. I was furious but could do nothing. She was a tenured prof, I was staff. After this, she avoided running into me. She was a bullying coward.

[jimdavis]

I was a victim of gaslighting recently, however I am also capable of extreme aggression and was happy to oblige. I left shortly after 'explaining' myself :)

[johnbeery]

I've been an auto mechanic for 15 years and have worked for a few employers, all narcissistic and guilty of gas lighting. After giving my current employer nothing but 10 years of hard work, sacrifice, and loyalty I was recently accused of being inefficient. These videos have been so helpful for me in realizing that its not me, and I look forward to hanging up the wrenches soon and moving onto a new career.

[MayThereBeWorldPeace]

Our #1 commitment is to ourselves as employees. Its to earn money fairly to financially survive. We are not obligated to sacrifice any part of our lives for a gas lighting boss or coworker.

[blackpanter]

So glad this topic is being brought up. This really needs to be address and HR needs to step up. This happens all to often. Especially the endorsement of narcs and bullies in the workforce

[delicate.mascara]

I was accused of gaslighting, that's when I first learned about it. I was set up to look like I was stealing trivial items. When I reminded the person that she had left those items out intentionally when packing up after an event. She denied it and accused me of gaslighting her. It was just so crazy because I was sure she left them out on purpose, and she made me question myself. And then she pointed out other items I had brought home in my bins from events (trivial things, like tape, that would always be brought to the next event) So she was gaslighting me into believing I was a gaslighter. It still hurts my head to think about it. But I know what I experienced and I have to hold onto that.

[jessmattingly]

I was told by a direct manager "I take care of the people who are loyal to me" (implying that I was not) and "when I leave I'm bringing everyone else with me but you and X because you don't have the technical skills I need" But then called me all the time to talk and would act like we were friends.

[hopegrable]

Great video!!! I would also love to see a video on medical gaslighting, as well as narcissism and gaslighting in the education system. Being abused by medical providers, teachers, coaches, school administrators, and even by parents of other kids can have a lasting impact on someone's life. Toxic people inflicting their narcissistic abuse in healthcare, education, and the workplace affects all of us to some degree. So thankful for this channel providing invaluable content on mental health to the public. Keep up the great work! 💗💗💗

[ryancormack]

Very well explained. Fully agree. Never satisfied. Not recognizing the positive contribution. Tossing out judgement rather than asking questions to understand (the upset client perception is reality, not the 99% of satisfied clients). Being "responsible" when others screw up. Etc.

[ROSE-mqqd]

Denial of reality and denial of contribution at work is so toxic - I’ve just left a job as the level of gaslighting almost made me lose my mental health balance - my toxic line manager continuously stated in team meetings that I hadn’t done something, and then after the meeting critique me in regards of quality of the said work task and all of this whilst every week my work flow was tightly scrutinised and I kept on working harder and harder until my kid saw me crying one late night at my home pc, I resigned a week later and took some time off before new role. What I found really crushing was my gaslighting toxic line manager was bad mouthing me to the director whilst at the same time making apologies for incompetent fellow colleagues who are their friends - literally rewarding poor performance and at the same breaking down the hard worker - I’ve learnt two things be wary of a friendly good looking line manager (they say on the first time it’s a family, we friends, I believe in ‘servant leadership’…wtf) and women managers and young / Inexperienced line managers are truly messed up in their rush for promotion causing workplace havoc…
Having worked for 25 years, I’m now skilling up so I can go freelance 🧚🏽

[yukio_saito]

10:24 "It's an interesting point of view. I see something different. That's your experience."

I like this. I will practice this phrase. Thank you so much, @MedCircle Let them think the sky is purple.

[alexandra]

Thank you so much for this video. It was very informative. It happened to me at work and I felt awful. It was exactly as Dr. Ramani described it, I came with evidence and they doubled down on their version. Very upsetting and tiring to try to defend yourself and without having anyone to back you up. Definitely a wake up call to look for something else and to detach from the stressful environment.

[aldelgado]

Its a tough world outhere trying to manuver around all of those narcisist outhere in the world

[islandia]

Thank you Kyle for asking about efficiency. This is such a muddy topic where, sure, there are numerous distractions that keep people from staying on task and may require a behavioural adjustment. However, the baseline for reasonable workloads has shifted so drastically in the last while that it’s easy to paint unrealistic volume and deadlines as incompetence on the part of the employee—which is a seriously harmful, though not necessarily intentional, gaslighting strategy that is widespread on a societal level.

[LovesAlchemist]

I'm being gaslit right now at work. It's so hard being a Black woman in a white space where every word is taken out of context, every question is seen as combative, it's like I have no right to hold anyone accountable or advocate for myself. It all started when I put in my vacation request weeks in advance and my supervisor failed to log it so my schedule was full for the entire week I was off. I brought it to her attention and no support. I asked schedkers to cancel the clients and they told me she has to authorize it. Then she says I gave her one date when I told her another and had our communication in writing I was able to send her a screenshot of the dates and she never apologized. She said I should give her grace as if I was being unreasonable. Ever since then, she's accused me of not following protol in no shows, said I signed something during onboarding and it's in my file. I contacted the trainer and the trainer told me no such document exists. She told me I wasn't running reports, which I'm supposed to do so I reached out to the woman who trained me to make sure I was doing the report correctly and maybe that why it wasn't showing that I have done reports. She got mad at me for advocating and following up my with trainer to make sure I didn't need retraining. I'm a Therapist. I'm pisces. I'm an empath. I'm emotionally exhausted. I am ready to just tell my clients I'm leaving and leave