How Gaslighting Manipulates Your Mind

Has anyone ever made you question your reality? How gaslighting manipulates your mind.

Humans are complicated: a tangled web of amazing biology and bad behaviours. This illustrated field guide will equip you with the necessary tools to navigate the lying, jealous and judgmental tendencies of your fellow humans. This week we explore gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse and thought manipulation.

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[avan]

My ex-wife is a master at gaslighting. My oldest child is so messed up by it that they don't even know which thoughts are theirs, and which came from their mother. I am glad I escaped this abuse, but I wish I had done so sooner, in order to spare my child. She has my child so mixed up that they are emotionally stunted to the level of someone five years younger. They run away from everything that challenges their mother's narrative. They won't even see me anymore because they are convinced that, by wanting them to discuss their problems and face their fears, I am the one who is being abusive. Gaslighting is abuse, pure and simple.

[leftie]

My favorite part is when people manipulate you everyday then call you crazy when you get angry.

[Cae_the_Kitsune]

I've definitely heard the whole "you're just being too sensitive" line too many times to count. It gets really boring after a while.

[bradmarchand]

Recognizing that someone has been gaslighting you regardless of how long it's been going on is a major positive step to recovery.

[AA-thvi]

I am glad that you touched the workplace in your list. I think the workplace is the most corrosive/toxic place in our lives and it's basically executed by sociopaths. This technique is more commonplace than people might think. This is how the bullies discredit their victims.

[mikicerise]

I don't quite see the point of identifying "unintentional gaslighting". Gaslighting as abuse makes sense because it's intentional. The gaslighter intentionally misrepresents reality to make you question yourself and gain dominance. If the person who misrepresents reality actually believes in the misrepresentation themselves, they aren't gaslighting, they're just delusional.

[nonamephoenix]

Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :

Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.

When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.

Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.

They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.

Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.

They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.

Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.

They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).

They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).

Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.

Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.

When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.

Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.

They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.

They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.

They think they are models to be followed.

They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.

[JanCarol]

narcissism drives the behaviour. It is the ability to control another.

[NeonGeminis]

You usually put into words what I'm thinking and can't really explain... it's like having my own field expert on the subject...

[michelleroberts]

One good way I’ve found at figuring out if you’re being gaslighted is ask for specific examples. If they can’t think of any or bring up things you know didn’t happen or couldn’t have happened, they are lying.

[crezychameau]

Some time ago someone pointed out to me a very detestable trait of personality that I have, I felt terrible for being like that, and most of it for not realizing it by myself.
Now each time you describe a new bad behaviour, I dread to recognize myself in it.

[alihu]

This is why self confident is exceedingly important; the more you believe in your own experience, thoughts and perception of reality, the harder you are too get manipulated (gaslighted).

[braincraft]

Thanks for watching everyone — I know this topic is more serious than my normal videos, but I felt it was important to cover. I see these behaviours play out a lot in stories in the media lately... let me know your thoughts below.

[adinanicolescu]

You should've mentioned that Gaslighting is used by abusers and people with Personality Disorders, especially those in the Cluster B of Personality Disorders. These include: Narcissism, Borderline, Histrionic and Anti-Social Personality Disorders (which is also broken in two parts: Psychopaths and Sociopaths). These are VERY DANGEROUS people to be around! If you're in a relationship with someone who does this... LEAVE ASAP!!! This is NOT a joke! Your very life may be endangered!

[Moonbeam]

I had a "friend" who did this to me. I haven't seen him in years, but I'm glad I haven't.

[buzzwarrior]

So, I saw this today after watching the 1940 movie, 'Gaslight'. The movie truly fascinated me after studying 'Narcissism' and was an extraodinary piece of artistic work for it's time. This video came up and I was intantly engaged in Vanessa's style and delivery. I'm a hooked subscriber now and think Vanessa's service to understanding problematic psychological concepts via simple and vivid explanations is commendable. On a personal note, I learned 2 things; that gaslighting is almost a 'natural' reaction in it's subtle application by many and that I myself, unwittingly fell into gaslighting-type behaviour to address the effects that a covert narcissist was having on me. So, the video serves not only as a very valuable purpose in understanding other's behaviours that impact on us negatively, but also as a self-relection tool in developing a balanced and healthy level of emotional intellect.

[Rithene]

Great video! One thing that wasn't touched on though, most likely due to it being fairly specific, is medical gaslighting. You CAN be gaslit by doctors and loved ones with regards to your health, and basically everyone who has an invisible disability has experienced it to some extent. It can lead to people not being able to recognize the severity of their symptoms because they've been told that they're faking/exaggerating/being lazy. It's something that's incredibly hard to overcome, and I still struggle with it even though I know exactly how it happened.

[elainasmith]

My stepfather has done this for 10 years. I’m glad I learned what it is so I can learn to heal.

[richardrose]

it's also been used in court. A lot of trials depend on destroying the credibility of witnesses

[TommoCarroll]

Ah this is really interesting! Have heard this term be thrown around so much in past year or so, but kept forgetting to actually look up what it was. You covered it for us! Thanks a lot! Great video as always :)