My Friend Talks Too Much

Does your friend do all the talking? Is it hard to get a word in edgewise? Do they not seem to care about listening to you? Do you feel like the friendship centers on their life?

This video by Shasta Nelson (friendship expert, keynote speaker, and author of several friendship books) gives you several ideas to try to make sure the friendship feels more mutual and reciprocated! It’s important for you both to feel seen and valued and to practice the actions that can help the friendship feel more balanced.

[jessicayu]

Most of the time, even you get to finish telling your stories. They don’t provide any feedbacks and start her stories right away. It’s such an exhausting conversation

[BrighamYen]

What if every time I do share, he will listen for a few seconds, and then it'll be back to his life. He is so obsessed with his own issues in life, he can't make room for my life.

[raccoondon]

Shasta, you are putting the onus on the people who are not given much of a chance to talk ….as if it’s their fault for not sharing / talking when in reality much of the time it’s other people that are not considerate enough to let other people talk. I’m 71 years old and all my life I’ve been around several people that simply DO NOT ALLOW ME TO TALK AT ALL. Some of them don’t know how to stop talking. I’m pushing people like that out of my life. I do have friends who do share a 50/50 conversation with me. I like being around them. I enjoy what they have to say. But if I’m not allowed to talk, why should I struggle to get a word in edgewise ? The nicest people in the world “”let you talk””. Rude people interrupt a lot. You got it backwards.

[raccoondon]

When I’m around certain people and try to talk, “”they do not ALLOW me to talk”. They interrupt too much and change the subject too much. They are like conversational vampires. I was in a group conversation one time ( 4 of us ) and tried hard several times to say “just one word” BUT WAS NOT ALLOWED TO AT ALL….NOT EVEVEN ONE WORD. the conversation lasted for about 40 minutes. One of the people there actually did about 90% of the talking. I made me angry and “lonely” !!! Note …..I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO SAY EVEN ONE WORD. I wanted to contribute to the conversation but was not allowed to !!! Those people who do not consider other people’s feelings like that deserve to lose all their friends. The above experience I described happens a lot…..because some people are not considerate. Pure and simple. My advice is to people is to STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE THAT TALK TOO MUCH. That way you can enjoy life more.

[jaclynh]

I love this video Shasta. I do want to add though if when you make attempts to share and they bring the conversation back to them frequently it can cause on to lose the desire to share moving forward because you feel you are going to be hijacked anyway and if you just keep talking sharing but there is no acknowledgement of what you said and they go on about themselves its almost like 2 conversations are happening at the same time. I have gotten to a point now where I just want to be alone. I feel very disappointed by people. I share something deep and it gets fully ignored like they change the subject without even acknowledging what I said. I feel I just need to learn to be self-sustainable.

[photojimsf]

What a lovely way to flip the script and turn something dreadful into something beautiful.

[GG-rkbu]

This is a frustratingly positive way of viewing such behaviour. For most people changing their behaviour will only come if they want to. Most people are too unconscious for a gentle nudge in the right direction.

[youtubealiasoriginal]

This is interesting but I do think this should come naturally, they should want to listen

[brittcoffee]

Thank you so much for this video!! I love the idea of taking an active approach, and I will be using this advice (actually, this weekend). 💜

[deborahb]

Lovely Shasta! I have been struggling with this for so long...As a therapist...some of my friends think I should have all the answers...when all I want to do is process..It has been disheartening for me to hear ...well you are a therapist...I am sure you know what to do. What a shut down...My therapist friends get it...some of my other friends do not. Enjoyed your talk! Thank you.

[Jo-khyo]

???!... This advice makes no sense to me?.... I know what I want to share, I am comfortable sharing. You cannot do that if your friend does not listen and just talks all the time! Why are you making it the non talkers fault?

[jlroussin]

Some people talk so much you literally cannot get a word in edgewise. Try to share with my friend she listens for about three seconds and then Jumps in and turns it back onto her topic.

[heatherlorraine]

Friend tells me some epic international story for twenty minutes

I want to tell her about the new brand of paper towels I bought

Sometimes you just aren’t compatible
And it sucks

Sometimes one of you has a mental illness (maybe misdiagnosed)

Sometimes we are external processors or we shut down

I believe it’s all about finding balance and leaning to those who you CAN connect with

I’m a 4th year therapy student (psychology) I’m 41

I have told someone you need to talk to a therapist

Bc What your asking for is my job
I can’t do this it’s a conflict of interest and I should absolutely be paid for how much your asking of me

With no reprieve for me or any time for me to air my voice

I still wanna tell someone about the little things

Thanks for reminding me I am allowed

[ElectricGonzo]

I wish I could stress how helpful this video was for me!!! I was about to confront someone in a rude manner because I felt super disrespected by one of my friends lately 😂 so I'm really glad I came across this video!! The last thing I want to do is actually be mean, and hearing your perspective and all these tips will 100% make this issue solve in a much better way than if I went in guns blazing lmao!! So really, thank you so much!

[wanderingfree]

No no no.. this advise on dealing with the jibber jabber of over talkers sounds exhausting.

[heathermoore]

This is missing the point..these people interrupt when you even start to talk and they one up you if you manage to get a word out

[raccoondon]

If people are not allowed to talk, then that is the fault of the people that talk too much. The people that talk too much are at fault….not the people “WHO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK”.

[angelsttw]

I’m comfortable sharing. But when I FINALLY get the chance to talk, they don’t listen. I finished telling my story about events happening in my life and her response had NOTHING to do with what I just said. I was talking about my home events and she said something about my work. I was like “ I wasn’t even talking about work, you weren’t listening “ she then asked “well what did you just say?” I told her “never mind, you never listen. And I’m going to start doing that to you so you can see how it feels.” 😭

[rosemargriffith]

Great video, thanks very much, Shasta. My counsellor recently mentioned that I could work on taking space and feeling more entitled to it, and this is a prime example of how to do that. Never occurred to me before.

On a related topic, the thing I find hardest is when I try to say something and it's clear from someone's delayed/non-existent replies and distracted expression that they are not really listening, or maybe not listening at all. And I'm a person who doesn't say very much, so it isn't a case that I'm a babbler! Over time, I simply stop trying to tell them anything much at all about me. That's not to say I'm a perfect listener myself, 100% of the time. But there are extremes :-). Maybe I could look at this in terms of this video - what am I doing to contribute to this dynamic? Could I have more confidence and belief in my words?

[gigimargal]

Hahaahhhhahhahahahaha this made me laugh a bit because my issue is with my mom and honestly ive been reduced to calling her once a month because whenever Im about to say something about my kids she interrupts and never asks about me and tells me thibgs she has told me about over and over and i end up listening for 45mins at least and when her battery is about to die she asks oohhh how you've been? And then battery dies 😒😒😒😒🤦‍♀️ ive had it with this...