Coping with grief from a narcissistic relationship

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[HeeersEllery]

Even after a year of no contact, I still find myself grieving “what could have been”….but I still have the cognitive dissonance between “what could have been” and “what I now realize in hindsight, never could have been”.

[arthurian]

"You are not grieving over them. You are grieving over the process of loving someone who did not deserve you". Genius. Thanks for all your wisdom this really really helps.

[thats_so_fridah]

sometimes I feel like people who've undergone narcissistic abuse should just gather together and cry for an hour then give each other long hugs and just sit in silence, it's so hard to get through it alone, especially with people who don't fully understand the concept. I'm yet to get out of my relationship coz it's quite hard, the abuse cycle is real. Lord give me the strength to walk away once and for all and never look back. Amen

[carolehattar]

I healed more quickly because of watching your videos, and Sam Vaknin’s videos, non-stop for weeks on end. I learned that the loss and grief were so profound because there were years of good times mixed in with the bad times. It was a juxtapose of feelings and sense of loss, yearning for the few good times. Thank you Dr. Ramani for giving me the insight and strength to move on!! ❤️

[bagels]

i grieve that i allowed this person in my life. i’m still working on forgiving myself. the disrespect, abuse, lies, and manipulation- i don’t want to ever experience this again. i am working on myself and making myself better. this was life changing for me.

[MorteXVivant]

This is so raw for me now. The immense grief and mourning process that I am undergoing is unlike any other grief or loss. Fourteen years with a covert narcissist has damaged my sense of self. It's true, we no longer know who we are. My hope for everyone here is to heal and reclaim your life and yourself. But my god, it's so hard to suffer the realization that we have endured and lost so much. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your dedication to education and healing.

[applesnow]

Never getting closure makes it all hurt so much more.

[BonzoGal]

I'm going thru this now. I was initially happy being free, now the grief has kicked in.

[TheStacyusher]

The sadness over the wasted years. I was born into a home with a narcissistic mother. A toxic father. I chose relationships with narcissistic men because it was familiar. In a way I was immune to toxic behaviour. In the sense that it did not impact my self worth. However after 42 years of life in these toxic patterns I found the answers as to why life has always been so hard on this channel. I realized I was not immune but I had suppressed all my feelings so I could carry on. Grieving the loss of so many years of tolerating toxicity because I believed that was simply just normal.

I have gone no-contact with every single narcissist I have ever been in a relationship with or known.

After decades of fight or suppress mode, I’m finally understanding how to process my own feelings in real time.

It is overwhelming. Thank you Dr. Ramani for always being a source of validation that I’m on the right path.

[toniblackmore]

5 years no contact. Grieving a person who never really existed, a person manufactured with manipulation and gaslighting and enablement, feels like flying in a whiteout. With no bearings it’s hard to know which way is up.

[mickeysammy]

Grief: the loss of everything!!
I feel like Job:
Loss of-
40 year marriage
45 year relationship,
2 grown children,
a grandson,
2 churches,
all of his family,
many friends,
my reputation and good name, my home,
my neighbors,
the ability to work in my profession,
financial stability...
He set me up and I am fighting in court.
What I gained:
A strong relationship with God- my faith, 2 loyal dogs, and 5 true friends.
Each day I heal and
put one foot in front of the other.

In the end Job was blessed
and I have faith I will be also.
All for God's glory!!🙏🙏🙏

[ericak]

Oh. Dr. Ramani.... PREACH, girl!!! I Grieve every decision I didn't make because I was so busy trying to compromise and find common ground, not realizing I could never compromise because it was their way or no way. Oh, all the decisions I never made on my better judgement!

[IamKateIsabella]

The grief is so intense. Praying for him has really helped me pull through this. Channel the grief into compassion for the soul wounds that create this monstrous behavior, and pray for their souls to heal.

[maryswanson]

It took me a year to be angry, a year to grieve and a year to heal and feel relieved to have the narc sister out of my life. It takes time and introspection and work. The peace I feel is the end result. It’s great!

[caraosullivan]

I have been grieving for the husband I THOUGHT I had but never had. I will never know who he really is--I don't think he knows. I'm out of the marriage now--I have a renewed sense of who I am and what I believe. I spent 32 years in that marriage--that is part of the grieving process as well--what might be lost years.

IT's never too late to escape and start anew!

[erikam]

This is exactly what I’m going through now. The grief is strong and horrible. My dad and sister are narcissistic and my mom passed a few years ago. She wasn’t narcissistic and I miss her greatly. I feel completely alone as I consider if it’s necessary to go no contact with my dad. I’m already no contact with my sister. Having narcissistic people in the family is pretty rough.

[mevteu]

I'm currently in the process of grieving not only from a narcissistic relationship itself. The narcissist who I was in the relationship with ended his life about a day and a half after I ended our relationship. It's confusing to miss someone, yet be angry with them, feel betrayed and still hear their voice in your mind putting you down. his gestures were always grand, his insults bigger. I've been listening to at least of your videos a day for a couple of weeks now and they have helped me a lot.

[thisguy]

I need this so badly right now. I’m one week out of discard and I feel like I’m dying. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, nonstop ruminating and I can’t focus on anything. It’s so sad considering every single other part of my life is wonderful and in control

[Claire-jtlt]

I put in my earbuds and listened to your videos hours a day for a very long time, repeats helped me absorb the informantion. Just hearing your voice gave me hope & peace, someone actually understands and believes me!! I am not too touchy (they were mean). Don’t dwell on the bad (so much was bad, but reserved for me without the presence of anyone else - no witnesses). When reading the comments I found there are so many of us! I believe I will always listen to you. 💕

[brassgal]

I grieved while in a relationship: I grieved the loss of the person I thought that I was in when it became apparent that this was a false persona. By relationship’s end, I had moved from grief and upset…. to anger at all of the entitlement and manipulation that I had been (and was being) subjected to… Anger was a protective shield for me: it helped me to cut right through the gaslighted fog. It got me out of a bad dynamic. I do not see anger as a negative emotion in this situation. Dr. Ramani: where does a non-narcissist’s anger fit in narcissistic relationships?