Why Do Narcissists Withhold Intimacy? | The Shocking Explanation

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chapters
00:00 Intro
01:04 The Honeymoon Phase
02:03 The Shift
03:30 The Withholding
04:54 The Emotional Toll
07:00 Conclusion

[jeannieotb]

Always felt deprived, upset and unfulfilled and in a permanent state of insecurity 😢 throughout entire relationship. So accurate. Became ill with fibromyalgia and knew time to end it all forever! Death by a 1000 cuts of rejection, bread crumbs and devaluation.

[lifentimes]

Currently experiencing this, I was angry at first, now it makes ME feel empowered after I learned that he’s a narc so I see it as a blessing in disguise. While he thinks I’m needing answers, I’m using the time to literally detach, heal and educate myself. He’s literally helping me, lol. no intimacy makes it even easier for me be he disgusts me now that I’m certain of who he really is.

[KristleLee-vrsg]

This perfectly describes my last relationship. It was absolutely devastating and the most painful experience I've ever had with a partner.

[geralynpelka]

Once we were married our sex life came to a screeching halt. We went from 3x/weekly to 2x/monthly. I had no idea why. I thought he might be gay. I was young, attractive and willing and yet…virtually no interest from him.
I discovered by accident that he had a very active sex life - WITH HIMSELF. He left the “evidence” all over a quilt on a bed in a spare room. I thought I was going to be sick. His excuses for not being intimate with me were, headaches, stomach aches, tired, blah, blah, blah. Truth was: he preferred Porn to me. He professed to loving me and I absolutely did not want to admit to my family that I had made a mistake in marrying him, so off we went to therapy. Total waste of time. He was an extremely covert narcissist, so he just agreed w/the therapist but had no intention of changing. Here’s the REALLY sad part - I stayed with him for 32 years! AND he was the one who found someone new and wanted the divorce. SMH. He quickly remarried (to a woman who had been married 4x previously. This is his 3rd marriage.)
Not gonna lie - it’s taken me a good 4+ years to get over him. That’s what a crazy narc can do!

[thebluehare.]

It is amazing how the things you don't want, they do more and the things you do want, they do less.

[susanagutierrez]

He withheld doing things I enjoyed. I made me feel used, humiliated, supremely insecure, and body shamed.

[beatpeace]

It is horrible experience. Having someone make you feel like you are inadequate and you're questioning yourself, doubt, gaslighting yourself.. then you're just in a dark space, just LOST. I have not slept properly for a few months now. Just fighting to gather myself.

[pattycakes]

I tried for 12 years to figure out the problem. Trying everything i could think of to rekindle the passion. I have only learned in the last year that this also is a part of narcissism. It is very heartbreaking and degrading.

[rubberbiscuit]

My abusive spouse started withholding intimacy right after we got married. Many years later, during a devalue phase he admitted that he did this to make it easier for him to control me. 😮

[growingonthegriddle]

This started happening after we moved to his family's land. It was devastating to me, it was humiliating and all the other things you said. Our final break up was over him withholding. I SAW his behavior and tried (yet again) to ignore it until I just couldn't anymore. Yet, last night, I finally admitted to myself that I'm scared to be alone... yet I've been alone so often during our marriage. I want out, but afraid to be without him. I can't stand this!! Push pull even when I'm away from him... this is no way to live and I hate it!!

[anncrosby]

I was not allowed to touch him or I was accused of being a nymphomaniac he withheld intimacy and affection I had all these emotions you explained it was like I was not even there with him I blamed myself and my self respect and self asteem hit rock bottom mentality and physicaly ill I repulsed him so glad you made this video it explains so much to why he withheld in the devalue stage I am still healing more each day but it is not easy good days and bad thank you so much for this 💚💚💚

[SharkE]

I would try to be affectionate with her and she would tell me to "Knock it off!" or try to make me feel guilty for wanting to be with her. To her there was ALWAYS a another reason (another woman) that I wanted to be with her. Many many many times she would just say things like "Just take care of yourself! I don't feel like it!" And even when we did it was always like it was a chore for her, but, after she basically broke me, she completely changed. That was absolutely confusing to me after twenty-three years of a dead fish and absolute rejection. These evil snakes really know how to absolutely destroy you.

[emmamcpherson]

Met him in 2001. Moved 100 miles to be with him. Then the sex stopped. I became another mum to him. I'm currently filing for divorce 22 years later. Enough is enough. My solicitor asked if he's gay. I don't know what he is? I'm not ugly, I just hope that I can find someone who will love me for me.

[arleneandrea]

During the stage of withholding intimacy it was devastating for me considering I am a very affectionate soul, however I knew this behavior wasn’t normal & I also was able to identify that something was very wrong with him, but couldn’t quite pin point it. Immediately I discovered this was some form of punishment, and refuse to feed into it. I called him out on it, and he admitted that it was a form of punishment for something I did or didn’t do let him tell it. I couldn’t believe what I had gotten myself into, among other things I started noticing the unfamiliar behavior unknown to me at the time such as gaslighting, the silent treatment & the most disturbing one of all the one that I’ll never forget is that smirk “I call it the stare of death” these individuals are demonic & possessed by the evil of darkness. In a long distance relationship for 4 years and living together for 1 was all I could bare I didn’t realize how much I’d embrace the discard & it was exactly what was needed for me to be whole & healed today…

[naomiemojicat]

When they are intimate with you it makes them feel more powerless to you and they want all the power.

[spiritgurl]

the damage this does to children who have to witness 1 of their parents/caregivers do this to their spouse/the other parent is hard to explain. its very traumatizing and affects you into adulthood & all your relationships :(

[joanb]

Crazy is the best answer I have—-crazy and very sick. Why would they initiate a marriage and then immediately, and completely retreat. The answer was to USE you for your money and as a coverup for their insanity.

[sitascott]

Even having a divorce when we both want one, is practically impossible. I truly doubt that I ever want any other relationship after the remnants of this are in the dustbin.

[vikkara]

He withheld intimacy from me because I didn’t do anything to make him feel attracted to me. And when I did, there were excuses to why he couldn’t be intimate! He felt like I wasn’t worthy of pleasure and intimacy, I didn’t deserve it! It was a punishment! The most confusing punishment I have ever experienced. I pray I never have to deal with someone like that again!

[CF-tpsb]

This killed me the most. Thank you so much 🙏❤️