Why do people who have been in narcissistic relationships struggle with intimacy?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[Eighties-Jadie]

I'm afraid of getting too close to anyone again after being in relationships with both narcissists and psychopaths. However, because I'm now educated on the red flags and signs to look for I will in future be more equipped to deal with it and walk away sooner. There are good people out there but it's finding them that's difficult. Thanks again Dr Ramani ☀️ I don't know what I'd have done without your channel guiding me back to love and light ❤️

[snoopy]

Because we're afraid of being used and not truly loved

[Everydaystarlet]

One of the patterns I noticed from having a Narc parent was that if I ever enjoyed anything I was either shamed or what I enjoyed was “accidentally” destroyed in some way. So I learned that I could only experience joy when I was alone. It’s made it hard to be in relationships and share my passions with another person… and of course I often repeated the pattern of attracting men who were Narcs, so I’m working on healing that now❤️

[allisonnovak]

I took a 7 year hiatus from dating after breaking up with a narcissist. I had trust issues, and I didn’t trust my ability to meet and choose a healthy person. Had intensive therapy including examining my beliefs & behaviors resulting from narcissistic parents. I learned a lot about narcissism & was disgusted & disheartened when I realized how many narcissists there are. Two years ago I met someone, & we have a healthy, mature relationship. Better later in life than never!

[p.w.]

Being raised by a narcissist you are conditioned to never let your guard down. You might be belittled, raged at, or rejected if you do. If you can't be yourself around a parent, who can you be yourself around? If your parent doesn't accept you unconditionally you think that nobody else will either.

[janeene]

My kids are starting to see my narcissistic husband for who he is without me saying a word. He definitely controls the emotional temperature in our house and constantly reminds us that it’s his house. I have my 13yo in therapy because, between social anxiety and always being devalued by him, I want her to be able to have a healthy, accurate view of herself and to have good relationships with others. I do my best to be a safe space for my kids but I struggle too after 20 years of being devalued and expendable. I refuse to let his behavior have a lasting negative effect on them.

[ThePhatFilosopher]

Personally, I just feel like I can’t trust anybody anymore. My outlook on love is completely skewed. Hopefully, I’ll get over it with enough time to find a meaningful relationship.

[azed]

I felt as though I was being sexually abused in every relationship I had for 6 years after leaving my narcissist ex. It was so strange. Even now, I have no sex drive. I havnt even made out or cuddled anyone in over 4 years now. I feel like an alien, but also super safe at the same time.

[realhealing]

This message really spoke to me. When you are raised in a narcissistic family system there's no individuality accepted. I had to conform or be punished. It doesn't matter how old you are, you will always have to conform to be accepted. No contact was my only option. These toxic family dynamics will never change. They only way to grow emotionally is to leave and work on yourself. I finally recognized that I deserve much more than my family ever gave me.

[danlee]

When I read the title to this video, the word "trust" popped into my head. I think that lack of trust is the underlying theme to this problem!

[Afarmer]

I've taken a hiatus from these videos because sometimes it gets really overwhelming. This video really hit home. The messages I received as a child definitely programmed me to gravitate towards what felt comfortable. Comfortable in this case doesn't mean comfort, it just means normalcy as I understand it. I've always felt like I am better off alone. It's just easier than what my brand of normal happens to be...the push/pull, hot/cold and chaotic relationships are draining emotionally and even physically. My therapist pointed out that many of my thoughts and reactions to things are trauma responses learned from my crazy making childhood. Intimacy is terrifying for a lot of reasons but I definitely see where I run from it and then gravitate to false intimacy relationships. I see it, I am BAD at relationships. I'm bad at self care and keep doing the same things over and over again. Every time I think I'm getting better, I end up taking 4 steps backwards - maybe not all the way back to square one but damn close.

[NYCHFAN]

After 60 years of life, I am not interested in doing the work to be able to have intimate relationships again. If I was younger, maybe I would do it, but at this point in my life, I'm happy and content and don't need it.

[suse]

As a child of a narcissistic father I learned very quickly that the only one you can trust when the shit hits the fan is yourself - because if you are in trouble especially the people close to you will push u over the edge. So I became very independent at a very young age.

Today this pattern stands in my way because I still don't let come people come emotionally close. It takes years and years for that.

[UBrickIFix]

My mother is a malicious narcissist. I went no contact on December 27th after she physically attacked me. I did manage to keep a foundation of myself through the years, which really pissed her off, because I am nothing like her. I've lost stress weight. I just wanted to be loved by someone for who I am. I found that in 2008. She is my rock. She sees it for what it is. I'm proud to say we have 14 years together.

[dianecfranich]

The last narcissist boyfriend I endured "12" years was so critical during intimacy it has really changed me. I tell people I've been inoculated regarding relationships with a man. And it is from a pattern from previous long term relationships.
The cold and cruel comments are engraved into my psyche.

[frankbrake]

What's really messed up we cannot pick an choose who are parents are. We are forced to work with what we are delt with. Having narcissistic parents has made me master of being Casper the friendly ghost. I'm definitely wired to expect the worst from any and every relationship.

[Adam-xivi]

I am so hyper vigilant with red flags now in other people. I was burned again by another selfish person after taking a two year hiatus from dating after my separation. I clearly need to work on just not letting those kinds of people into my life.

[OrianaAnjou]

wow in 10 second you described my whole marriage: boundary violations -> coldness -> intrusiveness -> no identity....so glad that cycle is DONE.

[Josh]

The timing of this. I have sworn off ever considering another relationship again, I broke up with my ex two years ago. The way I was treated pushed me to a point I didn’t even know was possible. I have incredible friends and a wonderful support system, which I reciprocate of course, but I don’t see myself even venturing down the path of another relationship. I’m totally fine with my own company and being single and I know there are wonderful, caring, emotionally healthy people out there but I just don’t want to put myself out there again. I’ve turned down offers to go on dates but I’m just not interested.

[DiscordBeing]

My biggest problem in getting over my narcissist is they are the only example I've had of a relationship for over 10 years. I feel like I need to replace the narc in my mind with a new relationship to move on at this point, but I'm terrified that I'll mess it up if I ever get it. Trying my best with therapy (for a year now), mindfulness and keeping promises to myself; but I'm still so scared I'll never get what I want.