how to not hate yourself (and maybe even like yourself…?)

answering your questions regarding confidence & self-image!

✩ s o c i a l s ✩

time stamps
0:00-1:09 intro
1:10-1:17 content warning
1:17-4:05 how to get over "unflattering" clothes
4:05-6:10 getting over caring about what people think
6:10-11:38 having an apron belly!
11:38-15:24 how to cope with gaining weight
15:24-19:14 Ozempic & the decline of body neutrality/positivity
19:14-23:13 is my crush grossed out by me?
23:13-25:26 helping depression on a budget
25:26-27:26 no people pleasing 2025!!!
27:26-27:48 did i learn confidence or did i always have it?
27:48-29:59 what to do on bad days
29:59-31:08 final thoughts

FTC: This video is not sponsored. Some links may be affiliate.

[emma]

The part about feeling creepy when having a crush is so poignant. As a plus size person, there is always that itch in the back of my head that’s saying “oh i’ll start dating when i’m good/pretty/skinny enough” because you’re just so scared of getting humiliated. A piece of advice: if you feel like someone would not respect you because of your body, they aren’t a person you want to be dating anyways. you deserve respect as a human being, from yourself and others.

[wumologia]

As a fat woman in her 40s I cannot oversell the importance of Going Outside and engaging with real world enough. Take a bus. Look at all the other passengers. Notice how many different body types you can see. This is the natural variety that social media platforms have robbed you of. Some people will look nothing like you and you'll think "damn, I wish I was that thin/tall/young/whatever." Some other people will make you think "yikes." Sit with that reflex and ask yourself: Why do I react this way to a person that is probably 100% unbothered and just going on with their day? This could be you. Just vibing in the body that you have today, unbothered.

[nerdler]

I have noticed that people think it is weird to love yourself unconditionally. I am guy who is overweight and I love myself and my body and when I tell people that they get offended like how dare you love youself. I can't imagine what women have to go through whbe they have such strict social standards of beauty to uphold. Self-love is revolutionay.

[nazaninm]

Going swimming and seeing different body types definitely made me more at peace with my own, because nobody has a "picture perfect body" 24/7/365. I realised I'm like everyone else in one way or another - that being said insecurity still creeps up once in a while, but way less!

[kkuudandere]

being acceptably attractive or flattering is a game entirely dependent on time, location, and arbitrary shifts in culture that's designed for nearly everyone to lose at some point. if the game's set up for me to lose from the start, no need to stress out about "winning"

[touchank]

as someone who has been midsize their entire life and has struggled with self loathing and disordered eating, something that helps me a lot (besides body neutrality and having a partner who loves me exactly the way i am) is extending the same kindness and fondness i feel for other people to myself. i work at the mall and see so many midsize and plus size people coming in every day and think theyre so cute and pretty and hot and im like. thats me!!!! i look exactly like they come in with their friends and significant others and they look so happy and comfortable with themselves and just so so beautiful, and if they can go out and about wearing crop tops and lower rise jeans completely unbothered and living their best lives, then so can i <3

[neurodivergentnerd]

"I want to live my life so that I'll be able to read an in-depth biography about myself in later years and not puke" - Paris Geller (Gilmore Girls). I used to care SO MUCH what people thought of me but this quote absolutely changed my mind and helped me reframed what actually matters to me and that is living my life the way I want to, in a way that makes ME happy. Your words reminded me of that quote!

[elizabethclover]

One thing I feel like isn't talked about enough is when a plus sized person on the internet does something problematic, people suddenly feel like that gives them grounds to talk shit about their body. Just horrible, disgusting comments, but suddenly now it's okay and we shouldn't find those comments hateful just because they did something wrong!?!?!? It really bothers me.

Thank you for being a safe space for all body types here.

Quick question for my plus sized baddies: What is something you wish straight sized people knew? How can we be better allies to y'all?

[Perishable_Goods]

15:09 yoga and floor Pilates has helped me change my mentality soooo much surrounding exercise. Being mindful and making it a body/mind experience rather than a punishment or weight loss centered task has given me so much peace. I look forward to movement now, which is such a reward in itself! Proud of you, babe. Self love is hard work. We are all worthy to be here and take up space!❤️

[Dutchy.v]

I just recently started my "im gonna do all the things ive always wanted to do but was too scared to do" era, and i am loving this video to get over having a "mom bod". I got called a 'big back' the other day and it really got to me, but this is helping me realize its not what people say that defines my worth. Thank you 💖

[Bonnie-cuhx]

When I was younger and thinner I had a phobia about wearing shorts or bathing suits even though I was told I had a good figure I felt I looked horrible
.
Now I'm older and a plus size woman I gained confidence in myself and don't care what people think about what I wear, shorts, built in bra spaghetti strap dresses, swim suits I'm happy and that's all that matters. 🎉
We're all happy in our own skin we don't need people to have people try to take away our happiness and live our best lives as long as we're still healthy 💟

[jessicalewis]

Phew. Your orthorexia journey and recovery is soooo similar to mine. I so appreciate you're so open about your story. Please know you're not alone. There are so many of us out there. 💕

[dobie]

I just wish these types of videos existed more in the past.I developed an ed as a literal child and it took me a lot of work to heal and move on.Its heartbreaking honestly

[gaenshon]

Ive been struggling with an ed and body dysmorphia pretty much my whole life. Im recovering now, but its not easy because the thoughts and mentality always stays with you 😭 so videos like these help a lot. I feel that striving for a healthy, happy body is much better than to want to look sickly thin. Im so glad to see more and more people speak up against the body trends and share side effects that starving yourself gives you. It might feel euphoric at the moment but when you go into adulthood all the side effects starts to show. Personally I dont think its worth risking my health just to look a certain way❤

[organicfennel]

I really liked this video. If I can be honest, every time you've come up on my FYP I felt uncomfortable because I struggle with accepting myself and body the way it is. I have gained a lost weight. I lost over 100lbs and what you said about fat phobia affecting everyone is so true. I feel trapped sometimes like "oh my god am I really going to have to diet my whole life to maintain my current body" and have been struggling with gaining a bit of weight from like, eating a healthy balanced diet. I started turning my frustration inward at myself and hurting my own self esteem. But you're right, at the end of the day, it's not that serious! Like it's just my body, It's just here, it's just chillin, and I want to just be chillin with my body too. I really liked this video, it helped give me perspective.

[a_wild]

The lain reference out of left field???? You get cooler every day. Thanks you so much for speaking up and sticking to your values. I hope young women everywhere have someone like you in their lives.

[sillysheepskiies]

Something that helps me is spite. Spite from realizing that companies and people in power make it so people are never content because it's harder to sell to people who are completely satisfied mentally about their selves and others. So there MUST be an undesirable trait and that in turn makes for "undesirable people". There MUST be different insecurities that are manufactured so that companies can swoop in and sell this product that can "get rid" of that very thing! I REFUSE to let myself fall down a hole so deep that I fall for the tricks rooted in every -ism sort of discrimination.

Due to the uptick in ED content I see and people falling back into those spaces online I can only feel pity. PLEASE do not let how you think you need to look or be consume entire chapters of the only book you have because that is only leading to worse health and relationships with yourself and others. Take care everyone

[shellisannes]

Be your own best friend, if you would be mean to your best friend, then you are not a good friend. If we go into a forest we love the redwoods, they are bigger than most other trees, I wish this was how people understood each other. We’re beautiful trees and come in all sizes.

[heathervc]

Also just to note like you are so much more attractive as you gain more confidence & sense of self!!!! Like it radiates outward!!! I loved this video Jess <3

[samstreet]

Body neutrality has helped me immensely in my struggle with body dysmorphia. And continued recovery of ed. It's come so far I actually notice little things I like about the way I look. Great video ❤


Also, I love Finch! My bird just turned 3 years last month.