HOW TO UNDERSTAND JEALOUS PARENTS | Could It Be True? | Psychotherapy Crash Course

#trauma #emotionallydetached #tamarahilllpc

Jealous parents. How to recognize jealous family members can be difficult. But recognizing a parent can be worse.

Who wants to believe there is a such thing as jealous parents?

The topic of jealous parents came up between an intern and I last week. She identified pathological signs of parent-child rivalry that initially felt "unnatural" to think about.

As we discussed the behavior of this parent- a young mother with a trauma history, jealous tendencies, and a handsome fiancé - we began to question which clinical frame of reference made the most sense.

Sadly, the broken pieces of this mother were demonstrated in her jealous communication with her child - the fiancé's step-child. The dynamic was that her daughter was viewed by the fiancé as "needy," "delicate," and "in need" of a father figure. In the eyes of this mother, this "preoccupation" stole most of the attention of the fiancé and left her wondering if she was the one truly loved or her daughter.

After suggesting this intern transfer services for better parent-child interaction, it became clear that she was providing services to the wrong person. It wasn't the child who was broken but rather the mother.

In this video, I tackle the topic of unfathomable jealous parents.

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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
intro 0:00
Jealous parents 3:00
Grandiosity
Narcissism 5:10
Fluctuating emotions 5:59
Inflexibility to maintain false self-image 7:22
Deflation 7:48
Parental alienation 8:25
Devaluation and Valuation 8:58
Vacillate between self images 9:41
Competition between parents or another important person 12:00
Blind disregard 12:44

**Jealous family

**DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS STRICTLY AN EDUCATIONAL VIDEO GEARED TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONALLY UNHEALTHY AND DYSFUNCTIONAL PARENTS. PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED.

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I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.

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[winning]

If you have a jealous parent then you were never loved.
You can't love someone you envy.
These jealous parents ruin their children.

[vikki]

I've come to realize that my mother is jealous of me. 😢 I tried on a new dress and show her, I turned around and saw in the mirror how she looked at me. It was like how a jealous teenage girl looked at another girl in school. She looked me up and down like I was dirt. I almost started crying.

Since then, I've stopped going shopping with her. I've stopped doing a lot of things with her because I am recognizing the back handed comments she gives me.

Its heart breaking! 😭

[freebe]

This scenario is even more confusing when the jealous parent is an accomplished, successful overachiever in their own right. This is so baffling to say the least 🤦🏾‍♀️

[marinaSassygUrl]

She’s not just jealous- she’s extremely jealous that her envy moves through me. I hate her deeply. She was nicer to me when I was at my worst- and so fking cruel ( like she is) when I was improving. What a horrible mom.

[simply.patsy.]

Both of my parents are extremely jealous of me. I don’t let them in my life.

[KAMILITA]

my mother is the most insidious version of this. she is in competition with me in her head for the attention and accolades of everyone around her. but she is so
covert about it that most people aren’t smart enough to detect it (she chooses people who can’t detect it and who she controls). now that i told her to leave me alone she is gossiping false nonsense to ruin my character. once i have money she will never see me again.

[daisypeony]

My mom had a miserable marriage. She was stuck. She pushed me to get a college degree so I would never be in her position. She ended up being jealous of my life. My husband, my career, my life. All things she didn’t have. She is never truly happy for me, always comparing her life to mine or my decisions to hers. She was/is completely uninterested in my son who is now 21. My 2 brothers and my 3 nieces get all the attention. I have deep deep resentment.

[amybae]

Omg my mom. In high school she became 'jealous' of me losing some weight so she started working out insanely and started to buy so much junk food and encouraged me to binge eat. She would also tell other people whenever I put on weight. She was so sick. She was also jealous of my birthdays and whenever I went out so she just sabotaged that by criticizing me and putting me down, even just screaming at me telling me I am selfish for going out.... She was also jealous of all my accomplishments...and as a child I was incredibly confident and had a strong personality so she made it her life goal to abuse me to make me lose all of my self esteem and confidence, basically ruin my potential. She always did push me aside from small on

[ladennayoung]

It's more then a small group of parents. Unfortunately it is quite common for a parent or parents to be jealous of their child/children.

[nadia-bbmn]

I am an insecure mom. When my daughter shines I feel happy for her on the one hand, but feel like I disappear on the other. I don't feel like I can be attractive when there is someone else younger and more attractive than me. When I have these feelings, feelings that make me want to either run (hide under weight or lots of ugly clothes) and disappear, or try to compete, I breath, I remind myself that I am a worthy person and that I am so happy to see my child shine, that she does not have to go through the insecurity I went through. It is so hard to make space for that, I don't know why it scares me, it is like I think I will disappear. But I let love through and I give my kid a compliment and I feel happy and scared at the same time. I will not push her down or make her smaller however threatened I feel. If I am feeling too insecure I do stuff to distract myself so I don't dwell on it. I think parents like myself have deep core wounds, but some don't seem to have any empathy. I don't want my daughter to feel the way I did. I have no clue how feeling confident feels. Sometimes I do for a minute, but it feels unreal to me. She seems happy about herself without being full of herself and thank goodness. So yeah, however bad you feel, love your kid through it, no sense having two people feeling bad. If you are tempted to do harm, do some core healing on yourself. I am, a little but at a time, feels like it will take forever, but there is no choice or I will spread the demon of insecurity to the next generation.

[camcamlady]

Mine used to bother me about my weight when I was a teen. I lost weight in my 20s and she said I was too thin and was worried about me (I was a healthy weight). When ppl would compliment my body she’d say, “she had to work for it!” I was so naive I didn’t know what was happening. She’d tell me that I was bald and fat. When I grew my hair long and thick and would get complimented, she’d say, “I don’t know why ppl say your hair is thick - it’s not really that thick!” I’d get told I was cold hearted if I thought my brothers behavior was unacceptable but then called sweet and kind at other times. Always a push and pull! These of course are just a few examples and not the worse ones. My younger self tried to make myself fit into her “mold” and my mature self had to learn to take a stand and be ok with my own thoughts and beliefs. Struggled with self doubt and insecurity (still do at times) but I’m more aware now.

[sukanyab]

WOW you described my narcissistic mother so accurately! The jealousy has become unbearable and it'd beyond confusing. The way she has destroyed my realtionship with my father and the way he now views/talks to me (because of her brainwashing) is heartbreaking. I also have had smear campaigns for years and she just won't stop. Relentless in her mission to talk badly about me, spread lies, and have people dislike me. It's been traumatic.
Thank you for this video.

[ladennayoung]

People we have to learn that if someone is jealous of you. It's not always based off of the material things that you have. But it's what you possess internally that they are jealous of. They get mad that they don't feel comfortable being their genuine and authentic selves. And that they feel they have to have all of these material things in order to feel like they have worth or value. You can't trip. Just keep being who God called and created you to be. That is their problem, that they can't handle it. You keep on shining. You are being a disservice to yourself and other people around you when you choose to dim your light as an attempt to make other people happy or what have you. If the Lord lead you to pull back from your parent/parents, or other toxic family members and so call friends. Then do just that. It is for your own benefit. Focus on developing a complete, whole, loving, nurturing, and caring relationship with Jesus Christ and self. Only He can show and teach you how to love self and others properly, and can help you heal from childhood trauma or trauma as a whole. You also get to discover who you were really called and created to be when you take that path. It's the best thing for you.

[brandi]

This was so spot on. I feel that my mom is really jealous of me, And my marriage. I decided to cut her off. She wasn’t always in my life, my grandmother raised me while she lived her life, Now that I am a grown woman. I feel like she Will do and say things to get underneath my skin for a reaction.. I feel that I have reached my breaking point, and I need to do what’s best for me and my family.. toxic on so many levels 😏

[reginap]

In the original sleeping beauty, It was the mother and not the step mother who wanted to get rid of the daughter.

[Valencia-yu]

This is both of my parents to a T. I literally moved as far away from them as possible. As in different state, different time zone and it’s the only way, I was able to complete schooling and elevate in my career. It’s sad, but I did what I had to do to find joy. 🙏🏽

[shameka]

My grandmother told me right before she died that my birth mother was jealous of me. I was 15 years old and was unable to understand the depths of what this meant. I think my grandmother knew I would always wonder WHY my birth mother was the way she was toward me so she told me before she died.

Although my dad was not in my life much my mother managed to get word to him that I was “being bad.” One day, my dad showed up and I was tremendously happy to see him. He didn’t show up to spend time with me though. He showed up to whip me because my birth mother told him I was “being bad.” Boy did that hurt emotionally more than anything else. My birth mother could see the happiness on my face at seeing my dad and she knew I would be anything but happy later on.

She also tried to do the same with my grandparents however, they didn’t believe her. Instead, I moved in with them and overheard my grandpa tell my grandma that I wasn’t the problem -my birth mother was.

[itsYourChance]

They teach u to deny your feelings, gut, heart.. its terrible. All i want for my kids is to make good choices and learn to listen to their heart. I am glad with them in good things. My mom is so sick. Shes a stalker as well. Bad. As my kids have grown, i realize all i didnt receive from this sick parent. God leads me far from her. Bad spirits. Life turns around as im away from her.

[xrc]

I knew my father was abusive, but if you stayed out of his business, he was ok to be around. So, I decided to stay home while studying at uni. However, when I entered uni, all hell broke loose. At the exact same time, he retired. I soon realized he was jealous I was young and I had all my life ahead of me whereas he was old, sick, and only waiting to die.

[annetana]

My mother in law felt jealous whenever my husband do something for me. Damn she was such a cunning women and it took me 5 years to understand her game.