One Full Year of Grief- What I Have Learned about Myself - How to Improve

P.O. Box
Jenny Appleford or Kyle Appleford
7211 Haven Ave, Unit E-407
Rancho Cucamonga, CA 91701

Kyle’s Channel:

INSTAGRAM: jenny_appleford
INSTAGRAM: kyoooooapple
FACEBOOK: Our Brave Jenny

DIAGNOSIS:
March 19th, 2021 Stage IIIA Non Small Cell Lung Cancer (Non-Smoking)

February 2022 Stage IV Non Small Cell Lung Cancer (spreading to Brain, and other parts of lung and lymph nodes)

Gene Mutation EGFR with Exon 20 Insertion

TREATMENTS: Received or currently Receiving
2021: 8 Rounds of Chemotherapy (Carboplatin and Paclitaxel) with 30 concurrent radiation treatments to chest and lung
Failed Immunotherapy directly after Chemo and Radiation (Durvalumab, 1 round)

2022: Chemotherapy
10 rounds of Chemotherapy (Carboplatin, Alimta, and Avastin)
6 with Carboplatin, 4 without

Targeted Brain Radiation (Completed)

Most Recent Treatment plan, prior to passing:
Whole Brain and Spine Proton Therapy (Radiation) 13 sessions
Clinical Trial Medication NOLA

The purpose of my channel is to document my cancer journey to look back on, and/or help anyone else going through anything similar. It is also to potentially help loved ones supporting those who are in this fight as well. This is also an easy way to update a lot of people at once. My main goal is to have footage of this journey for my husband and children to look back on. I originally created this channel as a sort of video diary for my
family.

Thank you so much for following along on this journey. Your love and support help me so much.

[MainlyDigitalWorld]

Kyle you are doing amazing. I am a widow of 17 years. My husband had colon cancer and fought the fight for 5 years. He was diagnosed at 42 and passed at 47.
We had two children 6&7 at the time of his death. They are now 23&24 college graduates and now will be graduating with their masters degree.
I was not a good Mom in the beginning. I fell into a depression for a time, which was not good for the kids.
I spoiled my kids and myself to fill the void of their Dads and husbands loss.
I sit here with so many regrets. The money I spent to fill the void, is now kicking me in the ass. Kids are doing great, living on their own. I am struggling daily to survive financially.
The anger I feel is strong. How I was left with raising the kids, supporting a home and day to day life issues has been difficult.
You have such a great attitude towards grief and the kids.
I could go on and on…. I just wanted you to know how great you are doing with the kids and handling your grief.
Please feel free to message if you need to talk about anything.
I feel my purpose is to help others going through grief.
Have a great day!! Know you are doing amazing!! Life is tough, one day at a time.
Linda.

[nataliegarcia]

I watched a old Jenny video recently… and she says just “remind kyle when he is really missing me to grab a big pillow and hug it and pretend it’s me” that made me sooo emotional! 😭

[Theresa-zr]

I just lost my son to cancer 1~3~25 ; went in hospital in October, diagnosed with stage 4; went thru so much tests, pain level at 14, he was 45; he was the best son who always had my back and I know he us with Jesus and no longer in so much pain but I am 78 and I never imagine my child going before me; it is a difficult journey and I hold on tight to my Savior😔🙏

[eh]

I’m so full of admiration for you, Kyle. You’re finding your way and giving Ellis and Winnie exactly what they need. Did you ever stop to think that Jenny isn’t ‘out there somewhere’, but inside you, accompanying you everywhere, quietly sharing everything with you? She’s with you more than ever ❤🕊️

[sergeeternal]

My wife also died of lung cancer in December and only two months after detection. Right now I feel like the Tasmanian Devil. I take it one day at the time but it's terribly difficult. Great video.😇

[dazlynch]

Going through this now 4 months in. I knew grief was bad but you don't realize how bad until someone that's been in your life so long and such a big part of it is gone.

[donnagoodluck]

It's so hard to deal with loss, I lost my husband to suicide in 2006 I was a single parent to my boys at 2 year old and a 2 month old. And have lost my mum and many family members to cancer. My boys are 18 and 20 now and have have accomplished apprenticeships. I still struggle with my mental health. But I take each day as it comes. Take care 💙

[bonniebolton-king]

The kids just need stability and that is you in their world.

[nicksterp]

That's so true kyle. When we're in a dark place, we think it's only us going through it but most ppl are experiencing it. I think you're doing remarkable in your growth and healing. That's why I like watching you so much. You're very kind, humble and emotionally intelligent. Def funny

[marissamach]

Thank you Kyle. My son was being treated at COH while I was following Jenny’s courageous battle. He passed away to be with the Lord on 9/21. My dog Lola passed away two days later; we think Christian wanted her with him. My father passed away 8 days later. I don’t have any words to effectively describe the level of grief, but by the grace of God I along with my family are taking each step, every day and just keep going. Your videos help so much. God bless you and thank you 🙏❤️✝️

[Colleen-lnwk]

" learning to be comfortable with uncomfortable" ... appreciate this perspective. As a side note, doing this, a little at a time time, keep this in the land of the living. Even though our life is not the life we had planned, life is a gift. I pray for gratitude.

[LibbyJean-ifff]

ive lost three babies, two children, my husband and my mom, dad, and special needs brother_ the pain is always there, it hides in bittersweet memories.

[chrissieb]

Great video!
Maybe someday think about being a motivational speaker. You speak so well and you have shared so much of your grieving process I think you'd be an exceptional speaker to grief only when you are ready!
You are a true testament of working and sharing what you've been through with this journey you are on

[alisonboydell]

Take each day as it comes .You are a amazing father .Your children are a great reflection of Jenny and yourself. Kind thoughtful .I lost my husband at age 30 it been nearly 30 years .Iknow grief. Your not alone .

[cindr]

Saying prayers for your families safety from the fires and wind. Please let us know you are OK. It's so devastating.

[RandiMarie_]

Your growth has been an honor to watch. Im so proud that you took this year to prioritize you and the kids, to make new memories, to grieve openly together, to open up, to survive this absolute tragedy and coming into a new year knowing yourself and kiddos better. You got this Kyle, you are great. Gentle hugs to all of you 🫂

[JenniferJ]

I’ve sat here in my own space holding your hand as you and Jenny so courageously brought us along on your cancer journey, your love journey, your parenting journey and now your grief and healing journey. Little did I know that I would loose my own daughter just a few short months ago. I’ve been practicing self care like never before - yet recognizing that this experience is so unlike anything I could have ever been prepared for. It’s one step at a time. One deep breath at a time. One miserable night sleep at a time. All with thought after thought. Pain and internal suffering that I wear daily on the outside for all to see. I stay inside where it feels safe. My important message on this day is for everyone to just please, please exercise kindess. For those of us suffering as our hearts are broken and the last thing anyone needs who struggles to wake up in the morning is judgement and lack of kindness. Kyle, I’m holding you close in grief and your messaging reminds me I’m not alone yet loosing my child feels like the most empty isolating experience that I can’t put words to. Please keep up with your vlogs. You’re helping strangers one sentiment and tear at a time - thank you for that. Xo

[jbugdale]

Self-awareness is truly a gift. Knowing yourself and giving yourself what you need to go on and be the best you you can be is so wise. Rooting for you and your children.

[peggyk]

I've learned we live life in chapters & God only loans our loved ones. Make the best of every moment God grants us. This life is a blink. Live, love, laugh, & keep going ❤❤

[juliefreshwater]

Wonderful analysis...gonna pass this on to my niece. She lost her 18 yr old daughter to cancer last year...
Hugs from us all