Am I the Problem? | When Your Wife Says She Is Unhappy

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*Disclaimer:* The views and perspectives on relationships that are expressed in my videos and courses are meant for women married to good men and good men who are experiencing relationship issues within a range of behaviors that are common and usual – what you might reasonably expect your neighbors or friends to be going through behind closed doors. My message is not for aggressive, violent, or compulsive behaviors in a marriage or relationship that are threatening or dangerous. If you are experiencing such behaviors and/or physical abuse, you should seek a licensed mental health professional who is trained in dealing with domestic abuse.

Karyn Seitz and The Happy Wife School are not engaged in the practice of psychotherapy, clinical counseling, or any medical practice. You should not interpret any part of my videos as traditional psychological, medical, or emotional therapy. Karyn Seitz is not a licensed health professional. You should seek help for any specific psychological, medical, or emotional problems with a mental health professional or qualified physician.

[willmallory]

Evidence: Women will file for divorce and STILL be unhappy. Then extremely angry when you re-marry. Makes no sense!

[Coach_Cool]

A lot of times, they’re unaware of exactly why they’re unhappy, so the nearest support or irritation gets the blame. It takes a man to be strong, self-aware and self-valuing to not fall into the trap. That’s a long, hard journey to get there…

[erikauneberg]

I began watching your videos upon my fathers advice because my husband and I just recently separated and I was so heartbroken and resentful not understanding why this good kind man didn’t want me anymore when I felt like I put so much towards him and was only asking for more attention and time together.. that I couldn’t understand why he kept pulling away more and more and it just kept snowballing and getting more intense and heated over time until it got to that boiling point.

Watching your videos has helped me to getting invited to come back home.. your videos have helped me to get to hear that he wants to work through this together.. your videos have helped me to look inward and realize that I didn’t need more from him but needed more from myself. Now I’m just going to focus on me and try to become a better wife and mother because my unhappiness was bleeding out onto everyone around me in my life.

Thank you for putting forth content that is truly going to make a difference in women’s lives. I hope more women see your videos and can change their lives for the better like I am beginning to finally.

[leviathanmg]

Inability to cope with boredom and monotony. A constant need for excitement, stimulation. Novelty. Drama. Rancor. Attention from strangers. Stirring up shit. Sowing discord. There's a reason why shows like "The Real Housewives..." are so popular. A man can sit in his home and watch TV and be still and at peace and replicate this daily without growing so restless as to feel "unfulfilled." He is richer than most. It is enough. That's why men don't understand the heavy sighs and constant irritability. They are content and with good reason. They don't need constant entertainment like some kid at a birthday party for their happiness.

[jeffa]

When your wife hits you with the “I’m not happy” you know you’re about to lose 50% of your net worth

[robhulson]

This video is a valid explanation for what happened in my previous marriage (what went wrong), and what is happening in my current relationship (what went right).

As soon as we married and moved in, I observed a woman who would vacillate between deep depression (when I had to go to work and while I was at work) and euphoric highs (when I would come home), but there was always a deep depression under everything. It was so bizarre, because while part of me liked all the praise and appreciation she showed when we were together, there was this continual unhappiness she carried with her that felt like a black hole I could never fill no matter what I tried. I felt bad for going to work, honestly.

I tried so many things to "make her happy, " resorting to more and more desperate and even inappropriate measures. But according to the idea in this video, I was trying to do for her what only she could do for herself. And by the end of the marriage, after I had allowed myself to be emasculated at profoundly deep levels, she eventually left me for someone else.

With my current partner, she did a lot of work before we got together to find happiness inside herself, by herself. She has a foundation of happiness within that feels fundamentally different than my previous marriage.

It's like someone gave me a relationship with POWER STEERING. I still like doing things to ADD happiness to her life, but it's on top of existing happiness. It's easy to do things that cause her to light up in that feminine way that, as a heterosexual male, I'm so drawn towards.

Trying to add happiness to someone who has not found out how to find happiness inside herself is a fool's errand. I hope I can learn this lesson and teach it to my three sons so they'll know what to look for in a mate. It can be addicting when a woman latches onto you and makes you feel like you are the reason she is happy, but if she cannot remain happy by herself she will eventually start blaming you for her unhappiness.

And that road leads to hell on earth.

[Joseph-gimn]

Social liberalism and liberal capitalism has led to a society where rights and choice come without responsibility and consequences. Inverse logic. Love your work. Joe in Glasgow Scotland Great Britain 🎉.

[WatchfulHunter]

Why the obsession over this happiness emotion. To be emotionally stable is the best way to be. Happiness should be a temporary emotional response to something good. Like Christmas morning. We should seek to be content. Not happy. Pushing happiness makes people unhappy. It destabilizes. Seek to be relaxed and at peace even when things don't go right. Emotions do not help. Stay calm. Regarding the unhappy wife scenario, I really do not care about my wife's emotional state. That is her problem. I was married to a spoiled brat and then a bipolar. Men need to push back and stand their ground against demanding, gaslighting women. The wife has an emotional stability problem and needs to learn how to control herself.

[mminniear]

I see on social media that women assume all divorces are because of abuse in some form. That’s not what I see and hear. It’s because she’s “unhappy” and she blames him for that. That’s how my ex wife was. My happiness was my problem and her happiness was also my problem.

[geechiegeech]

My parents stayed married for +55 years. The only thing that split them apart was death.
They stayed loyal and together till the very end. I never heard either of them say they were
"unhappy" with the marriage. Ever.

Women today can't even wrap their head around that concept.

[jimjohnson]

Married 20+ years here. There is a lot to say about the "happy wife, happy life" phrase. It is true, the only catch is we cannot make her or anyone else happy. Unless we know better, we will work overtime to push her to be happy, but in the end she will become more miserable. Why? in order to be happy, one has to be actively engaged in a good cause and feel like they are being useful and appreciated, not used.

If you as a man come home from a hard day's work and your wife is moping around and hasn't made dinner, you may tell her to take it easy and make dinner for her and the kids. All that will do is cause her to feel less happy about herself. It would be better to gripe at her until she gets up and makes some hamburger helper. When she is done, thank her for the meal and change the subject.

[rfcnoux]

My wife said that, I said goodbye.

[bobkonradi]

His wife is unhappy. It needs to be pointed out to her that he is NOT, repeat NOT, her entertainment director. Happiness comes from within, it is not foisted onto somebody by somebody else.

[SALTYCOMBATDIVER-ExInstructor]

I'm struggling with helping my spouse realize this. Not because I don't want to be accountable or capable of making them happy but because it makes more sense. I love my spouse immensely and it is killing me to see them go through the challenges they are going through.

[ChullsterOG]

Saved this video as its pretty much explains the end of my marriage so clearly, in a way I couldn't until now, so thanks for that.

[reifsnyderb]

I am not convinced that most unhappy women will take responsibility. Your videos just confirm the idea that women are impossible. The "family court" system, on the other hand, confirms that when a marriage is involved, it's a threesome between the man, woman, and government. Sadly, however, I really wish your videos, and many like them, would have been available before I got married. There would have been one less marriage in the world because this trouble is really not worth the risk.

[picktheblueone]

So how do we square the notion that some men are unhappy as a result of the way our wives treat us - emasculation, lying, gaslighting, manipulation for example? I would argue that this is the source of my unhappiness. Subtract all those things she does, and I would be a pretty happy guy. Please help me understand.

[GardenerEarthGuy]

When she says, ' I'm not happy ' you immediately regret not tagging the sister over the holidays.

[aaronhope]

I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

[LOKConstructionSudbury]

Just so you all know lol. This doesn't mean you're not a douche or that you have a good marriage underneath it all. It just means each person needs to be responsible for their feelings/choices AND THEN have mature conversations about how to balance your relationship.