Are YOU the Problem in Your Relationships? (Here’s How You Know)

On today’s show, we hear about:
- A woman unsure if she’s the problem in her rocky relationship
- A man wondering how to make friends at work
- Teaching kids self-regulation with Dr. Caroline Leaf

As heard on this episode:

Resources:

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[kathylibby]

I was a stay at home mom. When I'd had a stressful day, I'd put a sign on the door from the garage into the home. I'd simply say, "Enter at your own risk." He knew before entering that I needed tenderness. Our daughters never knew I posted such a sign. But they benefitted because their father was quick to give attention. He's a mature man, not a boy. blessed.

[jennypenny]

He needs to advise her on what happens when you say you want to breakup and he refuses because his fear of being abandoned makes him go insane. Godspeed caller #1! The deeper you get the harder it is to get out.

[dachater]

Sounds like he love-bombed her. Her relationship sounds like one I was in some years back - I I had to send selfies of myself to him throughout the day and wanting to know where I am, what I'm doing, who I am with...and the jealousy, possessiveness and narcissistic behaviour that followed was next level. Darling please run!

[BWilderChannel]

I was in a relationship like this. It never gets better. You’re never be “right” for this person bc this person isn’t right.

[deekayvixen]

Caller #1: Girl run!!! It will get worse and every time you concede and comply, he will continue to escalate. You’ll end up with no friends and no privacy. Worst case scenario: any expression of your autonomy might escalate into violent behavior from him. Breaking up to manipulate you? This isn’t normal, trust your gut, it will never be a good relationship (I’ve been there).

[MissMoxie]

RUN girl RUN! This is called coercive control and it’s only gonna get worse!

[jenniferbowerman]

She sounds so sad and beaten. If she is so scared of him, get out now! Love yourself and your freedom. The guy needs to fix himself, and she can’t help him in this situation. She must be her priority. Wonderful advice John.

[ginnydavenport]

Girl, get away from that controlling guy immediately!!! You don’t want to marry someone like that. And he’s probably acting suspicious of you because HE is doing suspicious things!

[juliaalzofon]

First Caller: She needs a safety plan to get out. Maybe have someone there when she tells him (or break it off by phone or text or in a public place) and stay with a friend or relative he doesn't know for a while after the break-up. Expect to have him show up at her work and create a scene. Good to have a Ring camera in case of vandalism to home or vehicle. There is a high probability that she will get back with him and they will be in a cycle of being together and broken up again and again with escalating behavior on his part. I hope there is a follow-up on this one.

[MicheleHerrmann]

#2 - I think it's best not to try too hard to connect. Sometimes people at work are shy about sharing much about their personal life for safety or privacy reasons. Asking about weekends or talking about movies or TV is always a good conversation starter.

[tracyestrada]

I joined a church in my area and started taking classes there. Get active in something you like. Join something you are interested in and you will find your people. I have done this at 59 years old and I have made so many friends.

[May-qbvx]

I was given the label of Oppositional Defiant Disorder when I was a kid. I was legit bullied by my kindergarten and 1st grade teacher and I didn’t have any idea how to handle that as a 5 year old. Also was bitten by a teacher in preschool, so I’m sure that contributed to my behaviors in school as well. I only got past the ODD label when I discovered Harry Potter and my love of reading and started being quiet in class. But that’s also the same time when I stopped learning how to interact with my peers and make friends. Learning emotional regulation would have been so helpful because as an adult, I’m still catching up.

[ChristiTodd-vhpl]

1st caller, be very careful and smart about leaving. Call the police and ask for advice. This guy could become violent.

[sinisterchin]

Teaching self-regulation to children is a question I’ve had some so long, and I haven’t had a solid/structured answer until now! Great the third segment.

[GA-huqm]

1st ? - I felt fearful for her. Boyfriend is controlling & manipulative. He's developing into a domestic abuser or stalker. 2nd ? - He needs to be careful in how he tries to develop friendships with women in the workplace. He hasn't had much time to pick up on signs from women on discomfort/overstepping boundaries.

[pattyharp]

Dr Leaf was enjoyable to listen to. Thanks John for hosting her and sharing all the insightful conversation with us.

[ireefree]

First one. Get an restraining order and run for the hills. Also if it's in the beginning to beautiful to be true then almost always it's not healthy. A person must love you as you are. Wish her all the best ❤

[Vegas_Mel]

Dr. John constantly amazes me. This friendship advice is golden. 17:29
And! Teaching kids, self regulation can literally change lives 31:40

[jillianwilliams]

Elise, get out now. This does not get better! It will get worse if you get married to him. You owe it to yourself to have a better partner.

[AubreeFusselman]

This guy sets up impossible standards so that she can never win and he can punish her.

RUN FORREST RUN!!!!