Am I The Problem in My Relationships?

Am I The Problem in My Relationships?

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[seekingthemiddleway]

If she were a narcissist she wouldn't have a good relationship with her kids and she wouldn't even be phoning in because all her problems would automatically be someone else's fault.

[megalopolis]

I'm so grateful that she recognized that something was off, so she reached out to get help to turn things around. I hope she gets a second chance with some of the people she pushed away. I'm rooting for her.

[pbj]

I’m very accomplished in my academics, work, personal life. I have a great relationship with my kids but I don’t have any friends. I’m very responsible and a square so no drinking, smoking, partying cuts a lot of people out. It gets lonely but I’m ok.

[russellcostain]

A narcissist doesn't look for help unless their closest attachments dissolve

[Cyanopteryx]

Wow I relate to Dana a lot. Growing up, if I was wrong about anything, my parents took it as an opportunity to mock me or dismiss me. I remember feeling as a child like I had to be a lawyer and explain/defend every little detail. As I got older I started to fear that I was a narcissist, and that scared me. I did not want to become my dad.

Luckily I've been able to work through a lot of it and I'm at a point now where I can feel comfortable being corrected or disagreed with. I know my loved ones are not waiting to rip me apart every time I mess up, so I have let my guard down and it has saved my marriage. But I have minimized contact with my parents because as soon as I'm around them, I fall back into that mindframe again.

[AlexisDavis]

Dana sounds so sweet, I pray she gets all the love this world has to offer

[maura]

The concept that if you question whether you are a narcissist, then you aren't one, is a little simplistic. Yes, many narcissists refuse to engage in any sort of critical self-reflection and would never think to ask, but some people may have enough narcissistic traits to be diagnosed and have suffered enough (or matured enough) to start examining themselves more honestly. And some narcissists "ask the question" insincerely, in an effort to keep manipulating people around them.

[eponymoususer]

I started taking 5 minute pauses when I feel extreme emotions in an argument a few years ago. In that time, I do box breathing to aerate my brain, I do physical exercise like walking briskly, and internally, I orient myself to do and say things I’ll be proud of later.

This has transformed my arguments from explosions to cooperative exploration of problems.

This is VERY good advice for people who feel physically activated or inhabited by their feelings. Based on my own experience, I highly recommend DBT, emotionally based therapy, and internal family systems therapy for people who experience this.

[greeneyedmonster]

It's so hard making friends as an adult.

[yambagnelson]

One of the problems with people calling everyone that does something they don't like a narcissist is you now have people thinking they are narcissists when they are not.

[flashthecorgi]

I hope Dana finds peace!! Thank you John this was such an insightful call!!

[gvasqu]

This video is helping me at 25, it’s hard to watch yourself make mistakes and actions you never thought you would. But we will be stronger and better for it to change for the people we love and ourselves❤

[candyluna]

If you are worried you are the narcissist most likely you aren't

[thethriftychickadee]

Wow, Dana is so me. I could relate 100%. If I ever end up in another relationship I am going to take this advice.

[gsagadin]

OMG, I needed this today. My husband loves to pick fights. And I ALWAYS respond negatively.

[lilarose]

Dr. John we all need a relationship skills book from you🙏

[thadesweatt]

I feel like this lady needs way more than one session.

[Cowgirlkate]

She’s not the problem, she’s the solution!! Bravo for taking back your power, and knowing you don’t need permission to exist; you are enough, sweet sister 💥

[amara]

When I worked at the mental health center I heard one of the therapists say that narcissists never ask if they are as it doesn’t occur to them 🤣

[aprilchow-chee]

Sometimes all you need to try to find is yourself. Stay by yourself Dana until you know you