Types of baiting

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[p.w.]

I've experienced the using "vulnerabilities against" baiting. It's devastating because it's such a betrayal of trust. Never confide in a narcissist.

[NarcSurvivor]

If there were no enablers, narcissists wouldn’t be able to do what they do.

[hitenpatel]

Narcissists on average have much more resources than the general public and so they are in a position to attract and sustain enablers.

[kaylingainer]

The "Flaw" in the Narcs. Game is repetition!
Once we see ALL they can do, over time, we can learn to Perfect the "Grey Rock Method" !

[janeene]

So timely. I experienced the “looking for a fight” baiting last night. I took it, unfortunately. But I quickly realized what was happening and shut it down by putting my headphones on and went back to minding my business. 😂 Felt great!

[aubreyadrianson]

The "you hurt me" baiting when what "hurt" them is you standing up for yourself when they wronged you or you grey rock them.

[katvonc]

My jaw literally DROPPED at your comment of being trapped in a moving car during a narcissistic meltdown. As the recipient, i had two choices: endure the tantrum or end up on the side of the road. I am thankful to no longer be in the throes of his abuse. Thank you, Dr. R for being in the survivor's corner.

[BonnieFromCanada]

Absolutely and undeniably NEVER share with a narcissist. It’s hard when they are family members, but they will burn you every single time you let them on the inside. I’ve learned this over and over again and it’s still hard work. No contact is the only way because it’s always a “scorpion and the frog” dynamic with me any time I allow them too close to me.

[Layla-frmf]

There is also the “I will bring up any past embarrassing memories or the past” type of baiting which is in line with “who do you think you are”.
This also happens with subtly insulting anything you may like or do as a hobby because they are testing if you will still defend yourself so that they can escalate the mess.

This is especially relevant for scapegoats in the home who need to be “put in their place” by the toxic family.
My golden child narcissist brother loved to make fun of me doing yoga with comments like “Oh so you think you are a Guru now or saying things like “remember when you were so fat you could not even run on the treadmill (laughs)…now look at you how impressive”

They love to do in the presence of someone else for support either an enabler or the narcissist parent so that they can start to mob against you for you to literally feel cast out of the tribe because they know you are sensitive. It’s a set up and at first it’s not easy to avoid because your heart starts to beat faster and you feel uneasy but what helped me was just waking away and realising that it’s not worth engaging with broken people who want to constantly break my own soul to try and reach their own.
I count up to 3, breathe and walk away. When in the car I sing songs in my head and remember any good memories with anyone who makes me feel good or create my own fantasies of where I am as if it’s happening at that time the same way I did as a child with my imagination.

This leaves them in confusion because I just calmly say something neutral and walk away.
I once left my brother arguing by himself and went to eat my lunch alone outside on a sunny day instead of with them. I felt so healthy inside retaining my core, myself, my being, my sanity and not becoming something I am not.

Always think of your sanity in these cases and share your true self with others you trust in communication instead not to feel so robotic.

Narcissists will love to bait even more when they also see that you have grey rocked them so much that you are erasing them from your mind with your own hobbies, healing, self love work and anything else except them.
It’s not easy at first but the more you do it, the more sane you will feel and you won’t give your power and sense of self to someone who needs your pain as their sense of self/relevance.

[DollfaceKim]

There was a guy I met 13 years ago, I thought he was "safe" because I saw him as a down to earth guy who was so thoughtful. I began to tell him things I'd never told anyone in my entire life, all of my insecurities. Then a few months later he took everything, all of my insecurities, and threw them in my face. That was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my life. I am finally bigger, better, stronger and I'm done with toxic, negative people who hurt others. Sorround yourself with nothing but love. Love is supposed to feel good, it's not supposed to hurt.

[delicate.mascara]

Ding ding! You nailed it. My narc ex friend would always bait her spouse in the car! I traveled with them a lot so I got to witness it first hand. If the spouse so much as sighed a bit too heavily, the narc would go off on him and accuse him of giving her an attitude. She also tried to bait me in a group setting in a different way, I'll call this "hush baiting " - someone would ask a question to me and she would interrupt and answer the question, or she would introduce me as "this is Mary, she doesn't say much, she's shy" to set the precedent early that I was not worth having a conversation with. I am shy, but she knew introducing me that way just embarrassed me, and she loved to see me stew there in silence, not being able to get a word in while she did all the talking. I realize in a normal situation without her there, I come out of my shell as soon as there is a conversation topic in mind.

[katie]

OMG - THE CAR ! The narcissists favorite torture chamber. Even if you gray rock - you cannot escape. Anything over a 10 minute trip the barrage of abuse will commence. If’s part of the pattern.

[dancingnthedge]

I literally screamed oh my God when you talked about the subtle ways they use your vulnerabilities to bait you in front of other people so that your reaction looks like an overreaction. I finally was able to put into words what my sister does or rather what she did before I went no contact

[rmarieshen]

One I am seeing a lot more of is very specific- men baiting any woman walking or otherwise traveling alone, into an induced conversation and then lashing out if she ignores him/ tells him to stop/ defends herself in any way. Laughing in your face, telling you that you should not be unaccompanied, calling you crazy, chasing you from the back of a motorcycle, making repeated approaches, threatening you- these are all things I personally experience regularly. Even worse in a taxi or public transportation setting you cannot easily escape from. I literally had a man pull a knife on me once when I told him to leave me alone, and all of the male passengers started laughing at me. It was mid-day and I was traveling home after teaching a university class. Men who feel entitled to a woman's time/ energy/ attention are becoming an even worse problem.

[kikitauer]

I experienced more than one type of baiting and they are all insidious. But the one "I'm going to bait you in front of others so that you look bad" is actually the one my brother-in-law uses with my sister quite often. For the longest time I thought wrongly of my sister because of it. It serves two purposes for him - to make him look better in comparison and it also kind of separated us a little with my sister. He also does it so that he looks good in front of their children. Really it is a disgusting and low tactic. But I am not falling for it again.

[sparkygump]

My ex narc wife gaslighted me for over ten years. When I couldn't take it anymore, she baited me into fights and recorded them. She then showed the videos and audio recordings to not only the councilors but my family as well. Because my family was a toxic stew of narcs and enablers and I was discarded by everyone. I'm still recovering from this betrayal. When it came down to it, the only thing they wanted from me was my self respect. I guess the sight of me groveling was a prize. Still recovering from this abuse. I've come a long way thanks to Dr. Ramani.

[reginawindham]

My last husband used to get angry with me because I didn't want to fight. He thought that arguing was a good thing. One time when he was baiting me, I said, "I don't know what to say" and he said, "I've had it with you." This devastated me at the time, but I've come to realize he really needed conflict and maybe a reason to feel badly about himself. I've learned so much from you, Dr. Ramani. Your work has opened a beautiful life for me.

[jaredmello]

Great video! This is why I think no contact is only the first step. The real mission is to become gaslighting proof. This is where we have such a strong belief in ourselves, no one can push us off of our emotional center. So if we have to be around narcissists, they won’t have power over us anymore. Bc let’s face it, if a narcissist upsets us, to a degree we have given them power over us and care about what they think. Let’s all become gaslighting proof!

[b-Image]

The cruel thing about narcissistic people from my own personal experience is that they get turned on after we accept the manipulation bait of the negative energy and then we react negatively they enjoy it I used to watch narcissist that I came in contact with get so delighted when I got angry after they completely lied on my character and then they would relax and act as if I’m the crazy one I just stopped reacting after a while. I didn’t realize how sick that whole mind fog situation was until after

[obscurum]

Once they start you must disconnect ALL communication. They hate silence. Here are some tips once they start baiting.
1. Carry on with what you were doing and carry on with your day no matter what they say.
2. Don't show any reaction. No matter how you feel inside.
3. Put headphones on.
4. Don't talk about the baiting later. They want you to bring it up so they can start arguing again!
Sarcasm can put them off their game during them baiting, but it's better to just ignore them. Weirdly narcs seem to find sarcasm or irony difficult to comprehend.