Narcissists and birthday baiting

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[DoctorRamani]

Thanks everyone for your kind messages about reaching 1 million subscribers. Your support means a lot to me! Thank you for being part of this amazing community!

[marcossouzadias]

“ The greatest birthday gift you can give to yourself is to maintain those boundaries and keep them strong for another year “ Brilliant!

[evagabrysova]

I hope dr. Ramani knows how much she gives to people who are suffering.

[sunethjayamanna]

I was today years old when I learned that being yelled at on your birthday for not making the narcissist feel special was NOT normal. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

[inmed]

"You owe your narcissistic family members nothing" - I feel I NEED to hear this for a lifetime after a lifetime of narcissistic family abuse . They respond and engage whenever they feel like invading any peaceful place you try to create without them

[Breezy]

My narcissistic older sister and I live in diff states. I went “no contact” almost 5 yrs ago. My first birthday apart, she called my daughter (who she never calls) and told her to “Tell your mama I said Happy Birthday.” My daughter told her “no. You have her number…you tell her if you want.” Needless to say, she didn’t call. It was a good day!

[michele]

I've gone out of my way for the past 25 years to wish my narcissistic mother a happy birthday in a special way; surprise parties, lavish bouquets of flowers delivered to her work and her home, custom made cakes, and presents. She hasn't acknowledged my birthday in years. My birthday was several months ago and I received a text from my narcissistic mother about something insignificant and unrelated to me. I asked my mother if she realized that it was my birthday. She said she knew it was my birthday yet she did not wish me a happy birthday. Her birthday is next month and there will be no cards, cakes, flowers, or presents. I will be using the money I would have spent on her birthday for my therapy to heal from her abuse. :)

[JB-jsir]

Constant state of dread, birthdays, holidays, days the sun rises… anticipation is exhausting, hearing this confirmation helps a lot.

[marieborchardt]

Birthdays can be tricky. I've had many happy ones and also some that made me cry from narcissistic "games".
Because my birthday is important to ME, I've learned to make my own plans. Even if I just stay home in my PJ'S and read all day, I do something that makes me happy.
I love being acknowledged on my special day, but I have no expectations and at this point in my life I'm actually relieved when some people in my life leave me alone on my birthday! 😅

[suzannesmith]

Not only my birthday, but every holiday “ is used” by the Narcissist as a bait technique, Mother’s Day, Easter, 4th of July, Memorial Day, my children’s birthdays and their life events, and of course the guilt trips of not responding like a caring, good person.

[trsumbry]

Birthdays were a nightmare with my EX for years. It seemed like he waited for them to roll around to show me exactly how little I mattered to him. I finally took back my day back and avoided him when it was my birthday. I did what I wanted, travelled, took myself out, and spoiled myself. It was so great not having to deal with him or foolishly expect him to do something thoughtful. Not answering the phone on your birthday can be a gift that keeps giving.

[allisond]

I experienced something similar but not quite the same. For years, I would reach out and celebrate my "friend's" birthday. But on my birthday, I wouldn't even get a text. When I asked about it, she told me that birthdays aren't important. So, I stopped reaching out to celebrate her birthday. She noticed immediately, called and complained. Then she reached out on my next birthday. This is indeed "Birthday Baiting" also. It's not about wishing me well. She simply wants me to continue celebrating her birthday and this is transactional for her. Anyway, I have re-evaluated that friendship. I am not playing this game. I will no longer be reaching out and I have no desire for her to either.

[GreenEnvy.]

I will never forget my narcissist friend texting me on my birthday with the text, "Only 3 months until MY birthday."

These people have no bottom.

[marshallmays]

My last birthday was the end of my relationship. He ruined it every year we were together. The first, he told me I had to lose weight and join a gym if we were to be in a real relationship. The second, he told me he was still interested in other women but was with me. The third, I paid for our meal even though he’d promised I wouldn’t have to lift a finger. The fourth, we’d fought the day before and he basically told me I should be grateful for everything he does for me. He got upset because I didn’t want to perform oral. That was the end for me.

[kristischark]

Two years ago, I felt obligated to call my narcissist mom back so she could “wish me a happy birthday.” She took advantage of the situation and dominated the “conversation” for 1 hour, which left me feeling drained and pretty much put a damper on my b-day. She tried doing the same thing this year. I didn’t call her back, and didn’t feel the least bit guilty for it. Wasn’t falling for that again!

[abracadaverous]

I have no problem with aging; I'll tell anyone my age. But I rarely disclose when my birthday is, because being the focus of attention and gifts makes me super uncomfortable. Every birthday as a kid came with "gifts" that were wildly inappropriate and had nothing to do with me. But I had to put on a big show of gratitude for getting, say, a humiliating t-shirt I could never, ever wear in public.

For the last five years, though, my abuser has given me exactly what I wanted for my birthday: her absence. Blessed silence. Zero contact. I don't think I could go back at this point, even if I wanted to.

[monicalea]

One birthday I spent once in a very crowded opthalmology emergency waiting room due to a torn retina. I squinted as I tried to read all the anodyne birthday wishes on FB, which was exhausting. My communal narc ex later scolded me for being rude and not responding with a post thanking everyone for their lovely messages. I doubted myself and did so, but after that I removed my birthday. Don't get bombarded with any boring birthday messages any more!

[lunamequa]

I have shared this channel and Dr. Ramani with my siblings so that we can understand we all have narcissism. We just had a group discussion without our narcissistic mother who is still abusing us. We really broke down some of our walls and revealed so much we don’t know about each other. We never did this before and we are 44-31. We still can’t bond around our mother because she has to be the center of attention.

[cymbolichuman]

Your own birthday is your personal New Year. The day of the year when you
started living and being who you are. If other people don't feel your special enough,
it's OK. You have special things you enjoy and you can feel free to enjoy your special day.

[StarfleetUnderground]

Yes, my malignant narcissistic mother (who I went no contact for 20 years) arrived at my doorstep on my birthday with flowers (and no mask. I'm immunocompromised). She held the flowers up to the peek hole so I couldn't see who it was but due to covid I wasn't answering the door for anyone. When I finally saw it was her I had a panic attack that lasted a week. I never opened the door and she eventually went away but every birthday after that I would have a panic attack thinking she would show up again. The anxiety was so bad I sold my home and left town. I feel 100x better now