8 Signs You Had a Difficult Past

"We are who we are for a lot of reasons, and maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.” - Stephen Chbosky

Having a difficult past — whether it was because of a toxic family, a harsh upbringing, an abusive relationship, or a traumatic experience — is not something we would ever want for ourselves. Until we learn to face it head-on and make peace with it, it will never stop haunting us and dictating our path in life. But how do you heal from a difficult past if you don’t even realize it’s something you’re struggling with? This video might help!

Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
YouTube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References:
Brown, R. P., & Bosson, J. K. (2001). Narcissus meets Sisyphus: Self-love, self-loathing, and the never-ending pursuit of self-worth. Psychological Inquiry, 12(4), 210-213.
Carvalho, A. F., Hyphantis, T. N., Taunay, T. C., Macêdo, D. S., Floros, G. D., Ottoni, G. L., … & Lara, D. R. (2013). The relationship between affective temperaments, defensive styles and depressive symptoms in a large sample. Journal of affective disorders, 146(1), 58-65.
Joshanloo, M. (2013). The influence of fear of happiness beliefs on responses to the satisfaction with life scale. Personality and Individual Differences, 54(5), 647-651.
Liotti, G. (2004). Trauma, dissociation, and disorganized attachment: Three strands of a single braid. Psychotherapy: Theory, research, practice, training, 41(4), 472.

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[Psychgo]

Have you forgiven your past? Comment below.

[theemofemboycatgirlw]

1. You don't have a good relationship with yourself
2. You have a negative self image
3. You have trust issues
4. You struggle with your relationships
5. You tend to self isolate
6. You have difficulty dealing with your problems
7. You struggle to control your emotions
8. You're afraid to be happy

And my mother wonders why I'm a sociopath

[chynabarbieeeeee]

If anyone is struggling and reading this, sweetheart, you are beautiful, you're not a burden. Your life matters, whatever it is will get better. I'm so glad you are here, and I want you to stay 💕

[dawnlxght]

I had a bad past, and when I tell people my story they say “There is people who have an harder past than you. What you lived is nothing. Stop be sad about it”. Bruh maybe people had an harder past than mine, but for ME it was hard.

[YesThisIsCrass]

I'm talking with a therapist about my difficult past. I would never say "I'm a weak person, " but I will constantly regret that I didn't do more in the past. Although my past is traumatic, some of the ways I think about myself are totally positive, and in other areas I am totally negative.

Having a tough past, maybe doesn't mean that we get progressively worse in all areas. But that we do get worse in some areas, and in some other areas we're totally fine. Like how I always think of myself as a strong person, no matter what I encounter in life.

[nittynotkitty]

The scariest thing I've experienced is seeing my mom trying to burn herself to death. I managed to bring water and help her out. I was 9.
Edit: thank you for all the positive replies! Just wanna let you all know that my fam is doing better now. It's been 6 years ❤❤

[womenwhodate]

"Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines." Great content, love it!

[sofiathelast_]

Everytime I trust people, they show me why I shouldn't.

[justahumann]

It's the worst when you've actually had bad experiences (or are still enduring them), and people around you say that life could've been "a lot worse" and that we should be "thankful" for what we have. Or that they've been through "way worse" and so your problems are "frivolous" or "mere trifles" and can't even be considered problems. And this leaves you questioning yourself and your life, and in even more self-doubt about the validity of your words, actions and behaviour with respect to the life experiences you've had, whose intensity you can't seem to fathom because of what the above-mentioned people have said about them.

By bad experiences I mean experiences which impact you negatively and to a point where you're no longer the comparatively happier person you once were. And I think pretty much everyone in this world will have had such an experience.

[bolothetitan]

Grewing up insecure because of being fat, ugly, and not the smartest in comparison to my siblings messed me up so much that it is showing on my present relationship. Every thing i touch turns to garbage. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore because my insecurities just ruin it. If i just get hurt then i'd rather be alone.

[omnid.slayer]

Regardless of having a bad past putting your trust in someone is really dangerous..and it can hurt you like hell if the person you trusted betrays you..

[notpub]

My wife had an abusive and traumatic upbringing. She has said many times, "I know I don't deserve good things since a) others have it so much worse, or b) I am essentially a bad person." Just for the record, she is kind, loving, compassionate, and generous....and definitely not bad, though of course not perfect, just normal. She's in therapy, but still, has feelings of lingering unworthiness. It breaks my heart.

[richardarthurcole]

I am 70 years old and I can personally relate to every one of these, it has followed me all my life.
Thank you.

[ashead]

To all people with harsh and traumatic past, I wanna applaud you for moving past it and being where you are now. You are a Strong person ❤️ Heres your daily cake 🎂

[MouldyLimbs]

00:01 intro
00:34 you don’t have a good relationship with yourself
1:05 you have a negative self-image
1:43 you have trust issues
2:14 you struggle with your relationships
2:58 you tend to self isolate
3:32 you have difficulty dealing with your problems
4:02 you struggle with your emotions
4:37 your afraid to be happy
5:18 outro

[sejallakhani]

It's heartbreaking how some of us relate with this topic so much, yet are in denial!

[NoahLema]

“You may even find comfort in the consistency and familiarity of pain.” That one hits way too close to home

[springblossoms]

Every time I’m trying to be happy, everybody shames me. I don’t know why. So, I never aim to be happy.

[stayhappylittlemermaid]

Don't let your struggle become your identity.

[avidhossanmansur]

The most difficult thing to know is what is considered difficult and what is normal. For many years I thought that my horrible childhood was somewhat normal, watching movies and whatnot. I also thought it made me cooler or stronger ( usual teenage stupidity). Only now do I realize that where I stand and how it makes me act like a scared animal whenever I am under even a little bit of pressure plus I have anger issues. Not totally sure if it is just me or an effect of my past but I am actively working on getting better every day. If you find yourself in my shoes remember to surround yourself with people and a dog who will stand by you no matter what.