Setting Boundaries In Toxic Relationships Part 1 - Gary Thomas

Gary Thomas wants to help Christians learn how to deal with toxic people. He admits he used to spend too much time, focus and energy responding to and trying to placate toxic people — whom he defines as those who relish negativity, control, and hatred.

Gary points to multiple examples in the Bible where Jesus was willing to walk away from those who tried to attack or discredit Him; he also allowed people to walk away from the Gospel. Gary urges Christians to realize we’ve been given a vital mission to seek first the Kingdom of God; thus we cannot afford to waste time on those who refuse to embrace God’s love.

Gary is very careful to distinguish between “toxic” and “difficult” people — Christians need to be available 24/7 to help the needy & spiritually unhealthy of this world. But if someone’s mission in life is to distract us or take down our witness, they are toxic and should be avoided.

Gary described the power of compassion, worship, and knowing our identity in Christ so that we’re not tempted to engage with or try to defend ourselves from toxic people. And he recommends we follow the instructions of 2 Timothy 2:2 — to find & mentor reliable people who can help further God’s Kingdom.

[ValerieRittenhouse]

You don’t know how much I needed to watch this. It feels like this video was made for me. My partner and I broke up three months ago after four years together, and I’ve been struggling to find a way to move forward

[annparker]

Thank you for this. It’s hard when family sees you as being “unloving and unforgiving” for having boundaries and refuse to change their toxic behavior/repent yet still feel entitled to a close relationship

[JessiPerez]

Thank you so much! Unfortunately in my case that toxic person is my mother, it is easier to deal with toxic people at work but when it comes to your own mom it’s harder. I pray because I want to keep a clean heart to please the Lord first and foremost, a heart free of resentment and unforgiveness to avoid any separation between me and my Father. God bless!

[renee]

I have been praying about the Lord giving me guidance about creating new boundaries with family members who I have been unsuccessful in keeping peace with.

[LorraineParis]

I also find that people who are toxic will think that you are. So hard to find a peaceful place with them.

[catherinem.]

Toxic people this are so sad. They are suffering. When I am around people like this I make sure I walk away. When I found myself in a toxic situation I set firm boundaries.

[iw]

Sometimes their behavior is so suttle, I didn't realize but I always felt upset after being around my 1 sister.

[jennifergreene]

I can’t say thank you enough for touching on the subject. My family of origin has a murderous sprit and I walked away 3 years ago.
A healthy glorious and restored life has followed.

[wayfarinstranger]

Toxic doesn't necessarily equal "evil". Sometimes it is just someone in your life that is selfish emotionally. You know they are selfish emotionally when you realize they never ask how you are or how you are feeling or what you think. It is always about them. When you speak to them about how they never ask how you are, they look at you blankly and totally don't get it. They never will.

[skibike]

It has just been revealed to me, 2 days ago, that i am the toxic person. My wife suggested separation 10 days ago at a counseling session. I feel like it affects every relationship in all my life. I have wondered in the past why others don't endear to me for very long, but never came to understand why. I am totally stunned and cannot imagine ever wanting to be me or around me. I am 2 days into packing up to move out of the family home to make my families life better without me around. I am sensing over the past few days all the hurt I have caused and it is mostly unbearable. When it is unbearable it seems my feelings shutdown and that makes me afraid that I lose the ability to feel like I have just begun to. I need help. I do not want to go back to the person I was.

[xmochix]

every time Gary is on, I listen. I love this man and have learned so much.

[adamjones]

I want to thank all of you at focus on the family and Gary Thomas for the inspiration. I have been struggling in a relationship that is controlling and draining. It has taken so much from me and I feel like I’ve lost myself. My motivation, dedication and love has all been attacked. I’m no longer the person I once was, full of life and producing fruit of the spirit. I’m drained and weak. I know my prayers are heard because of the message that Gary has shared. It’s a miracle that I even found this message. I know Gary has addressed “ When to walk away?” My situation is where to walk away? I honestly feel trapped and have nowhere to go. I’m bound by the responsibility of being a father. I appreciate this message and thank the Lord for your program. I would love a copy of his book and more understanding and prayer support, regarding this topic. Thanks again.

[jeannekahle]

Apparently, I am not alone. Thank you, guys, for addressing this issue.

[YuraCura]

this really reminds me of my ex friend. she acted this way. She brought out so much frustration out in me. I walked away. she wouldn't. she did things to me and blamed me for them. mind games and drained my happiness. I walked away. she still hates me to this day. I spoke to her one more time to tell her I forgave her. she threw it back into my face. I walked away and haven't looked back. I pray that her hardened prideful heart is healed in Jesus' Name. Please Lord help my heart heal too. Save me from apathy from this experience. I have never made a friend since. She had me convinced that I am the toxic person and I deserve everything I get (referring to abuse). And she's a Christian Have mercy...

[theladyamalthea]

Wow! I’ve never seen the two hosts so spellbound by what a guest was saying!

[azarel]

This is a great interview. I've had to deal with toxic people sometimes and I try being reasonable and/or polite but I've realised that toxic people truly don't care about you at all, it's all about them and what they want.

I became toxic temporarily to deal with them trying to fight fire with fire but that wasn't who I was, but yet it felt like failure to walk away without saying the right thing or point out how ridiculous they were being but nothing works because they simply don't care and nothing placates them.

This guy is right, the best thing is to walk away.

[RJ]

An incredibly helpful book on this topic is "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents."

I have underlined and hilighted almost every line in the book.

It will change your life!

[kimberlyanndeangelo]

Sometimes we may have been through so much trauma and abusive experience that we carry grief and pain. Joy is difficult to feel, and others consider us toxic just because we have a life of much stress and demands of caring for others, and have sadness over the many experiences of betrayal, deception and abuse. What others consider toxic is our circumstances and heavy heart. We need to be really careful not to hurt or further isolate those who are truly hurting inside and not ill willed toward others, by labeling them toxic because their place in life is very difficult and they carry pain in their heart.

[timmori]

64 years old and had to walk away from my 36 year old daughter. What made it so hard for me over the years is the guilt I felt that I was responsible for her dysfunction because of divorce. But I hit the wall and simple couldn’t be abused any longer. Much pray lead me to the realization that I had no choice. I was not going to fix the issue

[sharonevelynmclaren]

God's WORD IS ENABLING because it IS TRUTH, run to it with daily living ....TUJesus for the Cross 🙏❤️