How To Develop Assertiveness

Assertiveness is a trait we ought to learn and in this video, Dr. Paul Jenkins teaches us how to develop it, specifically how to use it when someone has offended us and how to get what we want.

Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins

HELP & RESOURCES:
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MUSIC
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Track: Kisma - We Are [NCS Release]
Music provided by NoCopyrightSounds.
Licensed under Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0

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Video by Nate Woodbury

[MalwinaASL]

Brother Jenkins! You are absolutely amazing and so loved! ❤

[ASMRconKiki]

Thank you so much for making this video. I sometimes have a hard time expressing myself in fear that others are going to be upset with me if I tell them how I really feel about their behaviour. So I just remain silent and let them say whatever they need to. Then I carry those statements with me for days, also carrying the uneasiness of not answering assertively. I will try to put you advice into practise!

[tiaturnbullchampionscoachi]

I used this last night in a situation where an event triggered me into a feeling of powerlessness that I remember feeling when I was a child. When I used identify verify and accept I had a miraculous outcome with the person who spoke to me afterwards apologizing and explaining in a very caring way what was happening with him and thecbackground of his words. It was a very healing moment. The real healing came when I talked to my mom about it afterwards and realized the depth of what had happened and where my powerlessness feeling came from. Thank you so much for this tool. Keep doing what you're doing, it's great work!

[Gabriel_the_Shemite]

I’m tired of being mocked at and being a laughing stock to my family. Thank you for the tips, I’ll be using them in my next confrontation.

[reginasemenenko]

What about when they respond by GASLIGHTING? They will often say that they were joking or that your just being really sensitive. Whenever I've tried to stand up for myself there is a woman who calls me a drama queen. I'm not a drama queen by any stretch of the imagination, but someone she has convinced everyone that I am.

[korab.]

I can see how identify-verify-accept would help develop empathy. Kids & teenagers don't realize what they're doing might be less than kind unless we let them know. I'm also learning the power in saying "ok" and leaving it at that.

[estyflam]

I have plenty of opportunities daily to practice these techniques 😆! Thanks so much for giving us these tools!

[michaelp]

Identify and express your emotion after describing what triggered it.
Verify with other person who offended you if that was their intention.
Listen.
Accept their response.

[jeanplacanica]

This sounds great IF you remember the right words to say at the time. It dosnt come easy when you feel Tence.

[omargp]

This is the true way of putting the other cheek. I love your advice. Thank youuu

[robbyearl]

I just watched the 2nd half, too. Equally useful. I will be rehearsing and studying these lines until they become 2nd nature. Wow, you’re nice. Subscribed. Grateful. All the best, Dr. Paul.

[butterflymagicwithhottea]

Love this! It is much better than the typical DESC script because it eliminates the need for thinking about an appropriate "consequence" and follow up. This is simple and it can be done on the spot, without having to plan or ruminate about the "best" way to approach an intimidation tactic. Thank you for this.

[seboe]

Dear Dr Paul i want to tell you how amazing tips you gave us to everyone who listen to this video and this really helped me to think about certain things and that s why i thank our Lord for you for helping us that other can learn from you that you share your talent that others be confident may our Lord bless you and your family everyone who listen to this video by intercession of Blessed Virgin Mary and Saint Joseph help you in your work Amen I want to give some interesting bible verses about this to Judging Others

7 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and [a]by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how [b]can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye, ’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

6 “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

Here explains very well about judging just as you helped us that we should avoid
Romans 12:10-15
New International Version

10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Proverbs 21:23 Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
(This is good for me first then for others and as well where you talked about to make distance and stop point with words i belive this is perefect example)
Next Proverbs explains about danger of our words
Proverbs 12:18 ESV
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 15:1 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Here s reasons for our words why should we keep it away as you to explained why its bad to use them here bible explains its definition
Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Proverbs 18:21 ESV

[monterreywilliams]

Thank you Dr. Paul for your videos. They help me tremendously.

[thatclover]

tx for adding tools to my toolbox, i’m a nice, gentle person and make an amazing punching bag for bullies, family members or otherwise

[tinyt]

This is gold. Just found this channel. Love all the contents!

[aquarius]

'Oh so we're going to eat again the them thing than last week.'
'You're right !'
End of the problem !

[armfeel]

Identify: Describe the situation as accurately as possible without blaming or criticizing anyone. Simply describe what happened and how it made you feel.

Verify: Check with the person who offended you if that was their intention. Ask them if that's what they meant or what they were going for.

Accept: Once you receive their response, accept it without further explanation or justification. This puts the person on notice that their behavior has impacted you in a certain way, and it is a powerful and appropriate assertive response.

[dellaram]

Thank you for your awesome explanation 🙏🏻

[KW-onceuponatime]

Another great video! Oh how I wish I'd been assertive with one certain person almost nine years ago exactly, it would've changed so many things about her and my lives. Thank you!