Jordan Peterson - Assertiveness Training | How To Be Assertive (Great Advice)

Jordan B Peterson's books:

Jordan B Peterson gives a great advice on how to be assertive. The question was framed specifically for young women, who on average happen to be more agreeable, but the answer Dr. Peterson gives is universal.

[johncarton]

"You owe yourself as much as you owe other people."

[rogermouton]

I've always been too agreeable. Think it came from having an angry father. You want to be loved by your parent, so you do whatever you can to please them. It was very easy to set him off, so I spent my childhood walking on eggshells.

[oliversissonphone]

Remember that being assertive is a skill that requires practice. Many agreeable people just snap and go nuts when they first attempt being assertive.

[jameshelmy]

I watched this video 5 or 6 times. It's essential listening for us recovering push-overs.

[izawaniek]

1. Figure out what you want and don’t want 2. Listen to your resentment and discover why you feel it 3. Tell the truth 4. Overcome the fear of conflict which can be viewed as negotiation 5. Everybody deserves to be treated with respect including you 6. The Truth is your best bet. Thank you so much. I need to listen to this great video repeatedly in order to remind myself how life-changing assertiveness is! And IT really IS!

[ErsanYolcu]

"Truth is your best bet if you are too agreeable." >> Thanks a million!!!

[amnfox]

Military trained this out of me honestly. Through the leadership training and professional education I identified conflict avoidance was a weakness in my personality. Now if something begins to bother me at work I find a time (soon) and a tactful way to address that issue with that person. This has eliminated so much stress in my professional life.

[ErsanYolcu]

Being too agreeable as a man is terrible as well. :(

[TheNikki]

My over-agreeableness comes from living with a Covert Narcissist. She is *terrifying* when she goes off, so I go along with SO much that I disagree with and even hate just to keep the peace. It's so exhausting and I end up mad at myself at the end of every day for not speaking up. I saw a quote that describes this situation perfectly:

"If you stay silent just to keep the peace, you end up creating a war inside yourself."

At a certain point, I'm going to have to worry less about others' feelings and start considering mine because I'm miserable.

Thank you for this video; it's excellent and I need to put it on repeat.

[drew]

These lessons and the self authoring should be in every high school so that those who are young, troubled and or lost and could benefit most to create a good life plan.

[davidwilliam]

My philosophy is good cop / bad cop. Everyone starts out with a natural affinity for good cop or bad cop. You have to actively develop both sides. The real skill is to read the context of the situation and determine what mix of good cop / bad cop to apply to get the best possible outcome. Neither one is right or wrong. It's totally situational and you have to be competent with both sides of the toolkit.

[natopanama]

A lot of times it takes a little trigger of healthy anger to stand up for yourself. Or, as you begin to assert yourself some level of anger or defensive like feelings automatically arise within you. If you are brought up to think that such feelings are negative and possibly even dangerous, then it's easy to become inhibited, to censor the feeling. This takes a lot of the steam out of your assertiveness and makes you feel anxious, guilty and simply less effective in being assertive. The worst result is when such feelings lead you unconsciously to conclude that what you are about to say must not be right. And sadly, you might then not assert yourself at all.

[quest]

"It may be that the darker part of you knew things that you could know if you were willing to accept that they were true"

[NYCMarkus]

I’m so agreeable and I used to think I’m such a nice guy, but if I go along with something I don’t want to, that is not because I’m nice

[zlnhbpe]

"It might be that the darker part of you, the shadow part of you, knows things that you could know if you were willing to admit that they were true."

[ErsanYolcu]

1:16 First 76 seconds tell me "Don't go for random conversation with people you are not very close, because you don't know what you want, you don't know how you think about the subject, so you are more likely to be agreeable again." Ok I will try to stay away from random converstions especially if it is not something I have experienced deeply in the past. Thank you.

[indyd]

Many agreeable women also had childhoods where they were basically taught that girls were "sugar, spice & everything nice". They were expected to be agreeable and sweet. It takes a mental shift to break out of those agreeable habits that are deeply ingrained. With practice it can be done.

[jasonf]

The other reason you need to have an articulated list of why you should be promoted is to make it easy for your boss/manager can advocate on your behalf to his/her boss. Most bosses would love to give everyone a raise or the equipment & tools that they want if they had the budget to do so, but getting more budget almost always requires that they advocate for it to someone else in the company.

[chudchewer]

Every single word was dead on accurate to why I came to this video

[MsSemki]

I find it funny right now, but at the moment I was in discomfort. I came to my employer after 1.5 years of employment, asked for a raise, told her all the reasons I deserve it (she used to repeatedly tell me how hard-working, professional and intuitive employee I was). After that conversation she considered to fire me... I ended up leaving shortly because I felt unappreciated.