The 9 Traits of Borderline Personality Disorder

If you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), you probably feel like you’re on a rollercoaster—and not just because of your unstable emotions or relationships, but also the wavering sense of who you are. Your self-image, goals, and even your likes and dislikes may change frequently in ways that feel confusing and unclear.

People with BPD tend to be extremely sensitive. Some describe it as like having an exposed nerve ending. Small things can trigger intense reactions. And once upset, you have trouble calming down. It’s easy to understand how this emotional volatility and inability to self-soothe leads to relationship turmoil and impulsive—even reckless—behavior.

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About me:
Hi there, I'm Syl. I'm a Junior Medical Doctor from Sydney, Australia. I'm new to the YouTuber space, so any feedback would be very welcomed!

Disclaimer: These videos are my opinion only and should be treated as such. They are not medical advice. I try my best to avoid any errors but if you feel something I said was incorrect please let me know. Please remember you cannot diagnose any condition based on YouTube videos and should see a healthcare professional if you are at all concerned. Finally, if anything in the video made you feel distressed consider seeing your healthcare professional or, in an emergency (if you're in Australia), call 000 or Lifeline 131114

[theresaelalam]

Borderline personality disorder
Characterised by two I’s
1. Impulsivity- difficult to regulate emotions
2. Instability- relate to relationships
Deep fear of abandonment
Instability in self image
Criteria:
1. Efforts to avoid abandonment- e.g constant texting
2. Idealisation and devaluation
3. Unstable self image
4. Impulsivity- 3 S’s- spending, sex and substance abuse
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures or threats- accidental suicide, wanted to be saved
6. Instability of mood don’t last for more than few days because then it would indicate a manic episode
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness
8. Intense anger
9. Transient stress-related paranoid ideation

[nicholemendes]

I was convinced I had BPD, but my therapist told me I didn’t have. But I realize I was being traumatized in a narcissistic abusive relationship, and experiencing some of the feelings and behaviors, because of the crazy making they cause and the PTSD. Once I left the Narcissist and healed, I no longer displayed these symptoms. It would be great if you could make a video about that.

[MissSunnyF]

So, I never really talk about this, but I am the daughter of a a mother with BPD. This is a condition that I am glad is getting more attention because it is difficult to describe what it can be like. She had several sisters that she would hurt regularly. When I was born, my grandmother and aunts would often take me to keep me safe when things were really bad. I never felt as though things were okay until I left home and was gone for a couple of years. Even now, years later, it is difficult to talk to my mother naturally because I never know when she is going to flip. For example, I stated that the craft store that she likes smelled funny. I instantly went from being her sweet, talented, wonderful daughter to a know-it-all, b**** that cannot mind her own business. Then she pushed me over as she stormed out the door and did not talk to me for a couple of months. This perpetual stress wears on me continually and made stability difficult for a long time. I love her. I know that she is ill and I want her to be part of my life, but I also have children of my own now that I cannot subject to that kind of fear and instability. Thank you, Dr. Syl for covering BPD so clearly. All psychological conditions affect loved ones, but I feel as though BPD is largely misunderstood and the impact it has on loved ones, particularly a spouse and children can be very sad and even abusive and dangerous.

[christinepolacek]

Talk about how childhood / parents / upbringing can cause / contribute to this …

[sarahhamilton]

Suicide is about so much more than manipulation in bpd. Always take it seriously

[harri]

I was diagnosed with BPD last year after multiple stints on a psych ward and I really hate how bad some of the criteria make us sound??? I’m currently receiving no support when it comes to dealing with symptoms etc bc the NHS won’t approve me for DBT bc I’m too ‘unstable’ so my CPNs advice is literally just call the appropriate emergency services when crisis happens. This has resulted in some very close calls

[pattyconnelly]

I had a friend with BPD and I see him in most of this list. I was the receiver of a cryptic message that suggested he had taken pills and I was the one to call 911 and save him. He ended up in the hospital for several days, I took care of his pets and apt while he was in hospital. I visited him, brought him stuff. When he got out, I managed his meds for him, we went through and separated the ones he needed from the ones he didn't and I disposed of his unused meds. He had a plastic shoebox he had just dumped a bunch of pills into, and then took handfuls of the day of his OD.

I really wish I would have known more about this illness before I met him. It was very difficult for me not to get upset with him for doing things that were harmful to himself. He had other issues, too. I really wanted to help, to be a friend, but it took such a toll on me and my relationship with my spouse. I feel very guilty for not having been a better friend to him.

[Ktbk]

I was diagnosed 5 months ago after struggeling for years. I was lost in life and used drugs to help me deal with the way I was feeling in my head. From age 17 to now and I am 22 at the moment drugs where a big party of my life and the only way I knew how to help myself. Terapy and pills really do help and I am finally starting to have hopes for my life and future

[eduardodu]

That is mostly a checklist of my ex husband who refused to seek therapy

[stevecooksley]

That was a good watch and a lot of these themes do come up in our webcasts (I work for an NHS trust in the UK and we've been running a BPD/EUPD live webcast since lockdown last April). I'll pass this on to the others who work on this programme. Thanks and good luck!

[emilykathleenn]

You will be a great doctor ❤🎉🎉🎉🎉 empathetic, soft yet authoritative voice, knowledgeable, and experienced.
This is a good, informative video for people who don't know about BPD. You are positive too, and unlike other YouTube videos, etc, you make sure that you state that there is help out there and affective /potentially affective treatment

[maureenseel]

I was diagnosed last year. Fortunately between the right meds to help with mood and a program that's helping me understand/dissect why i react the way i do and how to change my thoughts and responses, I'm finally making progress after YEARS of therapy. I'm not splitting like I used to, or at least not as much.

[mrsean]

If you haven’t watched The Sopranos, you might enjoy that show....several characters have BPD. Tony’s girlfriend Gloria Trillo comes to mind.

[andreascrimshaw]

Thank you for making this video. I was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. It made perfect sense once I finally had a diagnosis and explanation as to why I had struggled for so many years in life. I personally didn’t find DBT helpful or like the fact that’s it’s a group therapy in the UK. I wish there were more options to help people like me . I identify with virtually everything you have covered .. I guess hence my diagnosis! The anger, emotional dysregulation and instability especially makes life so hard 🙁

[smilingmindpositivity]

I know about the idealisation in BPD but I think you are probably the most good looking vlogger who have touched on BPD👍🏻

[emilykathleenn]

I have bpd and the paranoia about things and emptiness is overwhelming at times, the emotions aren't controllable even on medication, the emotions and symptoms are only alleviated a bit and talking therapies alongside medication is better as this is an emotional 'disease' in a way after all, therefore, this helps me and others with bpd I expect . Lots of people don't get the help or support or medical treatment they require though or have more severe bpd or less severe than to myself therefore treatment should be specified and more personalised to the individual but that doesn't always happen from my experiences . Intense emotion maybe could have been mentioned more In this video because the void, the anger, the sadness, the happiness (or whatever emotion people with bpd are feeling) are so intense and strong compared to others it is hard to be understood. Also, it could have been mentioned that not all people with bpd have all of these symptoms, they may only have - most or a mix of these and it is according to the severity of their bpdy, as well as this, not all do the actions or perform the behaviours that you state; one person with bpd may only drink or have sex with strangers randomly and excessively, whereas another person may only drink excessively and nothing sexual or drug taking and so on, so every bpd case is individually specific to each sufferer, also, humans are all unique to one another, therefore, treatment should ALWAYS be individualised which doesn't always happen (due to misdiagnosis, severity of bpd, overlapping disorders [many people with bpd have co existing disorders such as autism], funding, lack of services, cultural and language barriers and so on . Very complex and knowledgeable, experienced., medical treatment and staff are required, not just e.g. YouTube videos or self help or prescription medication as these alone won't be effective, if at all

[TheLyds]

I know that DBT is always the go to for someone with BPD, but it is not helpful for everyone. I have BPD and DBT actually made my symptoms much worse. What I have found helpful was CPT, EMDR, ACT and SCHEMA.

[klaus]

These criterias are scaring for me, it's actually mostly accurate (child abuse, complicated relationships, fear of abandonment and even unrealistic scenarios of being cheated on, unstable mood changes, getting angry out of nowhere here and there etc.) and I really wouldn't like that type of disorder. I've already got my hands full with ADHD and depression.

[josharnold]

Great video, I also like that you used the DSM as a framework and explained it with the text on screen.
My ex partner and current friend really suffers from BPD (diagnosed by her psychiatrist) and something I really struggled with was how to engage with her in a helpful way that doesn’t validate or oppose her emotional turbulence. When you mentioned “saving” someone from suicide and then the risk of that validating that behaviour, I repeatedly fell into that trap, and even now I very much feel “on call” when crisis hits.

Can you point me towards any resources on how to better engage with her in future?
I don’t really want to be “on call” when suicidal ideation/activity hits, as it’s very stressful for me, but can’t just ignore it as I think that really runs the risk of some irreversible damage happening.

[janehartfield]

Thanks Syl, this helps a lot with understanding a friend.