HOW TO SPOT THE 9 TRAITS OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: MOMS

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Being raised by a mother or primary caregiver with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), most especially an untreated mom with BPD, can have life long impacts upon our mental, emotional, relational and physiological selves.

Sadly, due to the often significant stigmatization of BPD, alongside misdiagnoses, lack of understanding among lay people and clinicians, I believe there are many wounded adults walking around, carrying the weight of being raised by an untreated Borderline parent.

Some of them are Borderlines themselves, who also had BPD parents, some of them do not have a "technical" diagnosis, but have significant CPTSD, anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, and many other difficulties - directly related to growing up with a parent who displayed the traits of disorganized attachment behaviors, instability, intermittent reinforcement of attachment and connection (as in trauma bonds, mama trauma...in previous videos).

There doesn't seem to be a great word for what it feels like when you were raised by a parent with BPD or BPD traits, outside of experiencing "borderline abuse or CPTSD, etc"

When I read the posts on many Narcissistic websites and YouTube pages, I often see BPD or similar traits expressed in the stories, sometimes instead of NPD, and sometimes alongside.

For me, the reason I think it's so challenging and important, is that because those with Borderline PD are physiologically more sensitive (ie fMRI studies) and relationally driven (than typical NPD types), many of those with BPD parents describe mixed emotions and mixed experiences with their BPD parent (outside of severe cases).

So, with the common experience where those with BPD can express idealization and devaluation, alongside their need to be in relationship -- but also challenged, because they struggle with relational, emotional, self image dysregulation (combined with other criteria... like impulsivity), I think it leaves many children feeling shameful, alone, guilty, and as if they are betraying their mothers ---because it wasn't always bad.

Sometimes she was wonderful, helpful, loving, attentive, fun and more.

But, when it was bad, it was REALLY BAD. And as a result, their childhoods were filled with fear, anger, terror, sadness, confusion, wounding, and a lack of having a consistently safe, attuned and trustworthy caregiver. And, as a result of those traumatic and unpredictable, unsafe, etc -experiences, so many live with the core belief of "I am bad," while also carrying their own deep psychological and cognitive wounds...

If you don't understand the complex nature of Borderline Personality Disorder, especially through the lens of a child raised by a BPD parent, this video may help you further your understanding of your parent's struggle, so you can begin to understand and heal your own struggles.

❤️If you can relate, you are not alone.

❤️You are truly worthy of validation, healing and support.

🌺🌺
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xo

💕Journal Exercise Video #3 in Healing Shame in CPTSD
coming in a day or so! "Safe Place and Self Compassion" 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[erikn]

My mom had/has bpd. She was so aggressive to me. Threw away all my toys when I did something wrong and beat me up several times. We developed a warning system at home so that everybody knew what mood she was in. She is now 80 and still not able to take responsibility for things. I am 52 and is still sometimes angry and sad for how she treated me. She made me think I was worthless and It took me until my 30-s to realize I was not.

[ModernDayMuseYou]

It’s underdiagnosed because they refuse to be assessed/evaluated.

[aperfectplace]

Hi Dr Kim Sage… My mother is one.. I was told by my doctor that I had been seeing for many years..As well she’s a narcissist also.. My two sisters walked away from her 30 years ago.. So I ended up helping my mother after my dad had died.. Two years ago I put my mother in a nursing home, which she told the doctor that she hated me for it.. She was 98 years old then, and had memory loss… She’s still going strong at 100 years old now… Since my mother been in a nursing home, I have had peace for the first time thank goodness….

[Nesbo]

I wonder if you guys who also had a bpd Mother can relate to this: I often feel angry at myself to reconnect to my mother when she is showing her loving side, because it invalidates all the trauma and evil things she did to me. When she gets angry and unstable again the main anger i have is in this moment is towards myself that i got tricked again in believing she changed and invalidating my own experience. (m22)

[blaster-zyxx]

The one trait that you didn’t mention was “splitting” where other people in their lives would instantly turn from the best angelic person in the world to the evil demon and they try to get everyone else to see their viewpoint and will say outrageous things about others in an attempt to get people “on her side”. We noticed that these traits were greatly amplified when she drank.

[mysticgardener]

This is/was me as a mother. I’ve tried to heal and be honest with my adult children so they can heal and not pass the family dysfunction forward to the next generation. Life is so difficult for me but I don’t want others to suffer the way I do.

[Teresa]

Left home at 16 .... couldn’t take her undiagnosed boarderline .
54 now.... just seeing what and how this effected my life and my children’s life.
On my path of recovery, hope all children will do the same.
Love and light to all❤️💡💫

[cooki]

This was so me as a mom. I'm amazed my kids came out as well as they did even after their 15 years of drug abuse. I did a lot of healing through the 12 step program and some good therapists. Today I have a great relationship with my kids.

[amytauber]

My mother had borderline personality disorder. One thing I would like to see studied more is intestinal issues with borderline. I remember my mother often had bloating, gas, upset stomach. As a psychotherapist now, every single person that I’ve worked with that does have borderline or borderline characteristics have mentioned stomach issues. I think it’s a very interesting connection to study.

[matthewfraney]

i am coming up on 3 years of no contact with my borderline mother. it was the most difficult decision I've ever made but by going no contact I have finally felt like I can begin to heal from all the trauma I endured well into adulthood. thank you for publishing these videos, I will share with family and friends who want to learn more about the situation.

[stirlingoscar]

My BPD mother has never let the word sorry cross her lips. To me or anyone and she is like the grim reaper with her wrath and abuse. My husband has reflected, as a spectator to her behaviour, that she appears to have lived her life unchecked and with no consequences for her actions. We just adapt and flex around her moods. However, at 54 I have adopted a no contact approach. So she has found consequences, even if it took to her being in her 70s

[isabelleboulay]

I left home at age 9. My mom would unpredictably switch from caring, loving to angry, hateful in a blink of an eye. Other times, she was empty, very depressed, suicidal. All unpredictable and needing a lot of proof of my love. Enmeshment feeling. It was love and pity atmosphere. Taking care of her and making sure she feels loved and that I'll never leave was very important to her. Walking on eggshells and being ready for any mood swing was basically my life around her. It took a lot of space and energy, leaving very little for me to grow as a child. It was about making her comfortable and happy most of the time. I couldn't express my feelings or thoughts as they were secondary to hers. She tried to commit suicide several times. Her last fear was to die alone.... which she didn't because I was there. Interesting now that I understand this condition better. Not surprised that I prefer to live alone so I can deal with my own needs.

[owenpark]

Wow! Thanks for validating my childhood!! It's like you witnessed my toxic relationship with my mom. I feel seen and heard. ❤

[liloleist]

9 Signs of *Borderline Personality Disorder* :
1.) Fear of Abandonment
2.) Unstable Relationships
3.) Identity Disorder
4.) Impulsivity
5.) Suicidal Behavior
6.) Mood Instability
7.) Emptiness
8.) Inappropriate Anger/Rage
9.) Stressinduced Dissociation

[robleyanne]

My mother has 9 of 9. She’s textbook BPD. Me and my siblings have never been close because she would put us against each other. After all of us went no contact with her in our 20s and 30s we finally talked and realized what she did to all of us. 30 years I could have had a closeness with my siblings 😢

[ab]

If they feel like a shell, can go from happy to instant rage, you feel like you never know what you are going to get and are walking around on eggshells, they give you silent treatment, never apologize, and when you first meet them literally become a mirror of you - RUN and never look back.

[vivianechambers]

This is my mother. She never changed, she doesn't acknowledge any bad behaviour. I didn't know what was wrong, but I left very late because I felt responsible for her. Then, I moved to a different continent.I studied psychotherapy and I read The Borderline Mother, that's when I understood what happened. I wish all Borderlines could find a bit light into their lives.

[meganfowler]

Oh my goodness this is spot on. We never had a great relationship when I was a child. I was in and out of abusive households throughout my entire childhood. I ran away a few months before turning 18 just to get away from it all. A couple years later I became pregnant with my first baby so I tried to make it work and it got worse. She became instantly jealous of my mother in law. My mother in law has now passed on and she is still jealous that I am mourning the loss even after 7 years she is jealous that I take her flowers, etc. She will fly off the handle if I do not do what she wants when she wants. She will get so mad if I do not drop what I'm doing for her. She has told me, "watch who you're talking to I am your mother" when I've sat boundaries. For my mental health and to protect my children, I've had to go no contact.

[sona-_-]

I left my home at 16. I couldn’t take any more of her abuse and unstable behaviors. I thought it was bipolar disorder since she was hospitalized a few times and that was the diagnosis. Thank you for this video. I have learned so much.

[lindseyt]

I believe my mom had BPD. Was never diagnosed and not treated. She passed in 2021. This is a great video and is helping deal with everything. She was the most generous, loving mom and then exhibited some scary, fast moving behavior.