Narcissist who don't hoover you

Have hoovered or not? What was your situation? How did you feel?

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Self Love Journal (Part 2 of TBR Journal)

#traumabond #abuse #manipulation #hoovering #narcissist #npd #liar #breadcrumbs #lovebomb

[Jenjenn]

They also don’t Hoover when they know you can’t be manipulated anymore. It’s actually a good thing when they don’t Hoover. Let them be someone else’s problem.

[Brittany-hduf]

I’ve found they tend to Hoover 1-3 months after discard. Sometimes they wait a while. Even if they don’t, you were still abused. Period.

[AMSA.]

One thing they have in common across the board- their egos are incredibly delicate. If they think you MIGHT reject them, they will not hoover you. Why would they take the risk if they have supply that won’t reject them? It’s not worth the possible blow to their self esteem.

[latenightyoutubeviewer]

I make sure they see my mean side. They never hoover me again. 😊

[couldntholdacandle]

They get other people to hoover you and question you.

[stephirothermy]

There is such a thing as “reverse hoovering.” This is when they ghost you completely, making you second guess yourself, because they’re not trying to hoover you. This breeds insecurity within you and can cause you to reach out, thus hoovering yourself. Same with discarding. Some narcissists discard their supply after a time, and some treat you so horribly that you finally end the relationship yourself. This is called a “reverse discard.”

[gerga]

This really spoke to me. My ex is a textbook narcissist but didn’t try to hoover me. It made me feel kinda shit even though I know I’m better off without him.

Getting over him was easier than I expected. I’m so glad he cheated and prompted me to end things. Good riddance. 🥳

[superstar]

Rejection is God's protection.
Healing from narcissistic abuse and trauma bond is hard enough without them coming back. I thank God mine didn't or I would have been in the trauma bond and endured the abuse so much longer.... It's taken years to heal the trauma. Happy healing! It's a long hard road of rewiring your brain and learning to be you again and relearning how to trust.

[chelssss]

I learned that sometimes they'll do a reverse hoover. They means that they'll discard you and treat you a certain way, to make you want to reach out to them. Instead of the classic hoover method. I'm not an expert, but I think this only works for them when there's a strong trauma bond.

The narc in my life knew I'd always come back when they did that to me. In my mind, it was so much worse than the "normal" hoover tactics. Of course, that was before I knew the game. When you don't even know you're playing, you'll always lose. Luckily, I learned about narcs and how they operate. Then, I became a "gray rock" and stopped playing. When you do that, you'll learn quickly how much they hate it.

[MsFlybybutterfly]

When they give you space or leave you alone….it’s game time!!! take that time build your inner strength and self love and appreciation! Drown yourself in self love and self worth and you will notice something different about yourself when they come back around…

[tshifhiwarasiluma]

Yes, be grateful that they’re not hoovering it helps with the recovery process.

[pope]

They don't hover cause they are busy or they know you see through them. Abusers always come back if you let them

[NatzTalk]

Facts! Be glad when they DON'T hoover. Its annoying and so much an insult, they just think you're weak/dumb and THAT'S why they're hoovering.

[the_lovealchemist]

Also, they are very aware of what they are doing, so sometimes they will Hoover and sometimes they won’t, this is how I knew he had a new supply and I was grateful. When they aren’t hovering that’s when you plan your escape.

[drumdadsdl]

Don't be concerned with checklists or labels in which to categorize your abuser.. abuse is abuse and you need to get away from it.

[LadyQInspires]

They don’t Hoover when they feel like your not supply anymore it’s like a feeling of Boredom to them because they know you know who they are so the only reason they stayed connected is to gain supply then hurt you. But when they find out you’ve healed recovered and gotten over them and did the real work of healing they can no longer manipulate or anything it’s like In their head “it’s no reason contacting them cause I’m not going to get anything out of it” so you are doing amazing if they don’t Hoover you ❤

[sassykat]

Sometimes they wait YEARS to Hoover. It just depends on their needs they are feeding at the time and if you'd be useful in their current life.
When their needs change they can come back.

[susanmatheny]

I lived with one for 10 years. I'm still trying to recover 10 years later

[denster]

It's been 3 years and my ex husband narc hasn't hoovered me at all. Instead, about every 3 to 6 months he will try to mess into my email accounts. Purposefully putting in the wrong passwords so that I have to go and reidentify myself to get back into my email accounts. Or he will post pictures in his Facebook that I took at my sister's house. Or post pictures on my birthday when his Facebook pics hasn't been changed in many months. Subtle things that most people would just shrug off as "no biggie". They are diabolical and will mess with your mind.

[desertangelfish]

In my final break up with my ex narcissist. I basically agreed with all the negative things he said about me. To allow him to feel right about me. When I made up my mind I wanted no contact for life with him. But before doing so I beat his ego like a pinata at a birthday party. He said some pretty nasty things with no real provocation. Other than my leaving the relationship and taking away my supply from him.