BPD Behavior Secrets Revealed

**Do Those with BPD Know What They’re Doing?**

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often struggle to understand their own emotions and actions due to the intense emotional dysregulation they experience. This emotional intensity, along with identity disturbances and trauma from past experiences, can make self-awareness challenging. For example, someone with BPD might quickly swing from happiness to sadness and blame others for their feelings, without realizing that their own emotions are at play. Coping mechanisms like denial or projection, and difficulty trusting positive feedback, further complicate their ability to see themselves clearly. Trauma and inconsistent feedback from others can deepen the confusion about their identity and role in relationships, making it difficult to recognize their own behaviors.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:

Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:

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00:00 Introduction
04:01 Structure of Emotions for people with BPD
05:17 Impaired Insight
07:58 Identity Disturbances
12:10 Trauma History
13:53 Inconsistent Feedback from Others
16:44 Difficulty Trusting Positive Experiences

[katieg]

I love DBT. I was very resistant for a long time and felt like DBT is a punishment for people that cannot control themselves (certainly not me). If I go to DBT that's like throwing my last bit of pride out the window and accepting that I am a failure as a human being (my internal dialogue.) What I've actually found in reality is that DBT is seriously the best thing ever. It feels like something that will actually help me protect my self worth rather than rub my nose in my failures and exclude me from society. It's something that builds you up and gives you the tools you may have missed out on. I am in a group with people that I can relate to and the instructor feels like someone who understands that people with big emotions have particular struggles and I am not judged. I love DBT. Please try it if you haven't.

[janicepilkington]

Your channel has been so helpful I'm 74 years old after many years of therapy and medication I finally discovered narricism and the family scapegoat after the discovery and much mourning I am coming out the other side I have cut them ALL out of my life and I'm okay with it, I have diagnosed with PTSD but now I'm managing it, I don't smoke drink or do drugs I have been feeling the pain and dealing with it, it has not been easy but I have gone from victim to victor

[romansand]

I've been married for 7 years and my wife unfortunately has BPD and we have had many many many many many many altercations. Early on I thought I was going crazy I thought I was in the Twilight Zone but then as I did more and more research and realized what I was dealing with I began to implement certain techniques and get her to watch some of Dr Fox's videos and finally go through a workbook called you untangled which has helped tremendously but we are about to seek counseling due to the last confrontation we had this week. She doesn't seem to remember or acknowledge any wrongdoing for some reason she is always the victim and feels justified in all of her words deeds and actions and doesn't remember a lot of things that actually happened it's very frustrating

[hologramhouse]

I realized its not emptiness but a deep and abiding disgust revulsion and terror of this evil "humanity"... how could I possibly truly adjust to that?!

[ScillA]

If you didn’t make this video’ I wouldn’t have🎯that Eureka moment’.🙏 I thank you for saving my 16yr old boy. He’s been this way since 4th grade.
You’ve spoken my life for the last 12 years perfectly! Thank you so much, I’m sending this to his new counselors.❤

[neelymurphy]

I developed personal insight when i learned to step into the neutral observer viewpoint. Instead of seeing from my pov under the tsunami and getting pummeled, i asked myself how i looked to outsiders that were watching me react to the tsunami. Then i stopped only seeing my own pov where i felt my behaviors were justified because obviously i was flailing in the ultimate desperation and misery of an emotional tsunami. I finally realized nobody else understood or saw my extreme reactions as understandable. Instead, they looked at me like an unhinged madwoman that they would remember to steer clear from. I felt an entire lifetime of humiliation after that realization.

[lylerb]

I was recently diagnosed with BPD, I initially thought it was just bipolar but got reassessed. It really affected my relationships drastically.Its difficult, despite all of the therapy and meds and healthy living etc etc. Behavioural modification and change is so hard.

I hate that I treated my partners, family, and friends the way I did, and I really want to change it up. This video was really helpful 🙌🏼🙌🏼

[ladybaabaa]

My level of insight in general is VERY good, but that all vanishes when I'm emotionally dysregulated. And I can't seem to tell when it tips over from stable / insightful to unstable / completely irrational.

[divergentmind]

Omg!
You described my whole life and I can see where it all started.
Thank you for your material.
I was not aware of myself until a few years back then I started processing my childhood. Losing my mom as a seven years old made me feel abandoned and my father had so many mental limitations paired with addictions. Now I know we all do our best. I was left alone for days to care for myself, yes, it made me an overachiever who doesn’t know how to trust nor depend on others plus empty, lonely and never knowing my worth. Hurt people do hurt people and I don’t want to damage my kids or to overprotect them because of my own fears and limitations. Balance seems so hard to achieve… Still I strive not to cause the pain I endured. And repair what was broken in me to become a better person. I deserve this for myself. To restore in me what no one else can do for me.

[lc]

Great video to improve my understanding. My adult daughter has this diagnosis and occasionally after doing all the validating, I wonder if I shouldn’t just provide some tough love. This explains why that wouldn’t work. Thanks for helping me understand

[sheeeeeeesh]

Having a wife and kid made me realize something was wrong with how I would get so upset so quickly. Having people care about me unconditionally has made me realize how fucked up i am from conditional affection as a kid. I wasn’t abused in the traditional sense. It was like I was invisible or an emotional punching bag. Now, I realized that I have been doing that to my family and I hate myself for it.

[laurensavard]

Hi, Dr. Fox!

First, I can't thank you enough for your your work! The way you speak of BPD & care for both those living w/ it and those who love someone w/ it in such a genuinely compassionate/dignifying way means more to me than I can express.

Second, I was wondering if you might have insight on how to give compliments/encouragement to someone living w/ BPD. I have a dear friend who is an amazing person in so many ways, yet sadly has much past trauma. Though I could (and would) never try to diagnose someone else, I strongly suspect they may have BPD knowing their past & some challenges I've seen them have.

I love this person as though they were family, and my own top two love languages are words of affirmation & acts of service. However, when I've tried to encourage them, they've often shown little or no response. It's so hard to feel like I'm not making as much of a positive difference for them as I wish I could (especially since they've experienced so much hurt yet have so much good to offer).

Thank you in advance for your help. Much gratitude again, and blessings!! 🙏

[colleenbucks]

Thank you for explaining this so well.

[robanjel]

Being involved with someone with BPD long term has def affected me with some trauma. My energy was drained I started feeling like I have PTSD cuz one day is good the next is bad. Or they can all the sudden switch. When I was single and mingling, I tend to be triggered much easier if I sense lies or if there’s drama. In all I gotta heal.

[chrissierose]

Thank you . I am broken by the way my adult daughter has treated me .. I know I was a good mum . It’s been so hard to understand. I took it personally and it broke me . Then she had her baby taken off her by the authorities . .. Iv been so in the dark .. like a rabbit in the headlights.. your videos are a breakdown for me in understanding.

[Foxeii]

I just ran into your videos
sent two to my partner as he is learning about my BPD . I watched the videos without realizing I actually been working on one of your workbooks beforehand that my partner bought me to help! I was mind blown when I connected the dots😂. It all made sense. Your workbook has helped me so much, had definitely gone through the roller coaster of emotions in process.. I have the higher level of BPD but I do feel calmer and positive over all so far consistently. Thank you so much making content! My partner has felt peaceful lately, and seen changes since I started my healing journey despite it has not been easy on both ends. Hope is there for sure but it takes both people to want to be a team and not enemies for it work 🙌🏼.

[Chameleon]

I highly, highly recommend Dr. Fox's video course. It's a little expensive, but so helpful with very specific adaptive strategies and guidance. You'll be glad you did!

[Celia-nlzc]

I really appreciate your positive attitude. I finish watching your videos feeling good about the information you’ve provided and hopeful in my ability to apply it.
Thank you Dr. Fox.

[sliftinglady]

My mom either has this or narcissistic pd and I’m done trying to pussyfoot around. She has treated me awful my entire life. Now that my dad recently died she is way worse. I call my mom to try to see how she is doing and talk about my dad. What proceeded to happen is her leading me into a political debate. I tried to stop her bc we don’t agree here so why even talk about it. She proceeded to say awful things to me and hang up on me. I have tried to call HER back! She won’t answer and we live states apart. I have called three times total and I’m just done. I am 45 years old and she is 65. This will never change. I need to continue to just be a good woman to my husband, kids and friends.

[jb]

14:54 ❤ This is the first time I've heard you or anyone say that with so much positivity ❤