How To Stop Being A People Pleaser - Dr Julie Smith

Chris and Dr Julie Smith discuss tactics on how to show up for yourself better.

-

-

Get in touch in the comments below or head to...

[BenBoydMindset]

Crazy how generally people actually respect you more for saying no

[dragonrider]

I'll watch this after I'm done running errands for everybody else

[felixf]

Used to be a huge people pleaser, then I got into a relationship with a abusive, toxic woman. When I broke up with her that’s when I finally learned my lesson.

A lot of us people pleasers don’t want others to experience discomfort or be upset. We take it upon ourselves for everyone to be satisfied, a lot of times at our own expense or discomfort.

The thing is, these people that you please dont give a single F. They won’t hesitate to spit on your face, hurt you, disrespect you. You can do 1000 things for them and it’s meaningless.

Good, loyal, honest, people are RARE if you feel like you are being used it’s because you are. An actual good person knows not to abuse a persons kindness or low self esteem.

[theunlikelyconvert]

As a recovering people pleaser, this is great! I learned that the way out of this is simply telling the truth. I've started saying to people, "let me think about it." I'm so used to automatically saying "yes!!" that I've needed a minute (or a day or two) to actually consider whether or not I want to do something. You also learn quickly who is here with you out of love or out of a what you can give them. It's been a huge wake up call.

[DaniShugs]

I started gently saying no to people, and then discovered how offended they are when I don't do what they want me to do. It's pretty revealing. Don't beat yourself up for displeasing people whose friendship is based on what you can do for them. (That's actually a lesson I learned from a different Chris Williamson episode.)

[Brontelee]

Here are few things I started doing last few months and it significantly improved my life:
1. I read all books from MindBloomery and started implementing all their lessons into my daily routine.
2. No more people pleasing. Inner peace and self-respect should always come first.
3. I stopped listening to negative people and cut off all toxic relationships.
4. I stopped comparing myself to others and just started living for myself.

It's all about mindset and our habits. I started to take full responsibility for my life, and I am slowly learning that true currencies in this life are time and joy. Time spent doing joyful things brings ultimate happiness. Money is just a tool.

[Jashercapital]

Watching this just because i do not want to disappoint Chris and Julie

[salto]

as a big people pleaser this is very very interesting small podcast. excited for the full version

[alankeeling]

Nothing works on Narcissists - just stay away from them :)

[fatherdollarbill]

people pleasing is a whole mindset we get in to and live through. Low self esteem, for me, was the initiating factor for people pleasing.
It becomes us so our actions and thoughts not only revolves around it but come from it.
that's my take, anyway.

since I was a kid, I had shame and guilt if I had something that others didnt.
An object, a skill, a situation, anything almost.
I would imagine the person not having it and would try to downplay it for them.
From that I started "feeling" other people's pain and struggles.

Good things came from it but also bad things.
Things as in my behaviours, actions, words, etc.

[sarahcarrasco]

I need to hear this. I'm a people pleaser for sure. It does cause conflict in the long run.

[tpop]

I’m getting really tired of this trope of being “nice” and having it confused with passive.. I consider myself a “nice” person but I assert myself and have strong boundaries (be quiet and carry a big stick).

[greenpoprocket]

It's important to define what "people pleasing" actually is. For example, people pleasing is NOT supporting a friend who's in a deep depression over a breakup; that's an uncommon occurrence that's significantly effects your friend's wellbeing. People pleasing IS putting in extra hours at work so your coworker can leave early to walk their dog. The vast majority of people are NOT people pleasers.

[CinePhile_Girl_Mahira]

There are kind people and there are nice people. The two are totally different. A kind person has strong empathetic tendencies. They will do things to help people with no need for recognition. A nice person wants people to like them. Many kind people have gruff exteriors and they usually are good at setting boundaries because they have high emotional intelligence and sense that being “nice” is superficial and in the long run unhealthy for relationships. Nice people tend to be shallow and clueless about human connectiveness. There’s no easy way to go from nice to kind. Like all skills you need to work hard and really be honest with yourself. No meme will fix you.

[jord]

Some of us just ain't got the energy no more

[KaviKavi-zx]

It’s honestly unsettling how effective the techniques in this book are. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but after applying what Vibrations of Manifestation teaches, my life started shifting so fast it scared me. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re ready for serious change.

[AlexLopez-ykxo]

Sometimes being nice and please other people is detrimental to your own wellbeing and behavior

[DanThomasUK]

This ep is gonna be immense. Dr Julie has changed my life

[SuprEmpth]

1:13 me 100% tryna unlearn bad habits now. Cant wait for Monday’s podcast. Thanks in advance

[Benvos]

People pleasers can also be assertive, this can lead to a vicious circle where you’ll suffer with worry about how you’ve upset people when you are overly assertive.