What Gabor Maté teaches us about Narcissism and Trauma

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Reflecting on the works of Gabor Maté in this insightful video.

I will be elaborating on the work of Dr. Gabor in this video and how we can use it to better understand Narcissism

🔺️Note: This is a reflection, not a collaboration🔺️

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0:00 Understanding Trauma
2:11 Trauma as a Present Experience
4:42 The Impact of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
8:53 Abuse and Unmet Needs
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[RICHARDGRANNON]

Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.

Thankyou

[LifewithAngnarcsurvivor]

Love his thinking on early child development. Babies need to be held, loved and bonded to mothers . Not left to cry, not left alone

[lornanewton]

I’ve just listened to his recent book ‘the myth of normal’. One of the most thought provoking statements I find myself still pondering is - ‘why are humans the only species that actively encourage parents to leave their young and let them cry it out”, this tells a baby that no matter how hard or long they cry, nobody is coming to meet their needs. Powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing your insight on trauma - it makes a lot of sense 👌🏼

[daniellatan]

Children are so complicated. Raising them can bring so much trauma whether we intend to or not. Agreed that narcissistic people are also victims of abuse but they should not be enabled or be excused for the torment they cause others. If we keep living by ‘hurt people hurt people’ then the abuse cycle will never end. As long as they are not psychotic, they should always be held accountable for their actions regardless of what caused it

[bobholyoake]

I've been listening to gabor mate for about 7 years and I've learnt so much about myself.. he is amazing

[thatgirl]

My mom told my siblings and I that we were her favorite, we knew she said it to all of us, but we are all her favorites..each relationship is unique. My mom is an excellent mother even though she grew up without parents. She said God placed in her her to be the parent she had longed for all her life…it could have went the opposite way…she would crochet little magnets bunnies, ice cream cones, butterflies and stick them to the inside of my metal lunch box with love letters or poems. Sometimes she would add extras for my friends…she was always doing something to show her love..her actions always matched her words. So many females friends I know have issues in their relationship with their moms and I feel so blessed and thankful..my dad is extremely difficult..almost impossible..can’t have it all, I guess.

[sophiebutler]

I live quite close to Vancouver, where Gabor Mate has done ground breaking work with people on the east side. His impact has been profound on understanding the role trauma has on society, and helping others understand that the severely traumatized folks living on the streets need help. With this work he has done, we can all look at ourselves a bit deeper and realize we are all human beings deserving of quality trauma therapy. Sometimes thats the only difference between those " out there" on the streets battling addiction, and the ones who have been fortunate to actually receive the help. Its so much needed for humans, to have better access to psychological care ❤ I appreciate both your work, and Gabor Mate's work. I did a few sessions of compassionate inquiry and it brought me to how I'm living in my body now with the trauma. I learned so much in that hour about myself than I had in many other types of therapy.

[barbarachappuis]

I couldn't agree more, though it is a difficult concept to grasp. My brother was the golden child and I was the black sheep. We ended up equally dysfunctional, it was just expressed in different ways. We now enjoy a good relationship with one another after many years, much angst, and the splitting parents long gone. Gabor Mate is an incredible gift to humanity. Thank you, Richard!

[debbietaylor]

I never thought that my sister, golden child, was experiencing trauma. My parents are horrible narcissistic. I’m the black sheep. I’m not at all narcissistic. Ive used humor to save myself. I moved far away to save myself. My sister is a horrible narcissist like our mother. Thank you for this insight. I can understand my sister, who I haven’t talked to in 28years, better. 😊

[Shaz]

As a mental health nurse, I often speak to people highly triggered by ..past trauma I have found the most helpful is 1: listening to the person, refocusing, grounding in the here and now if the person is disassociating, validating, yes medication is helpful but not overly.

[alchemyforyou]

I had the opportunity to do a workshop with Gabor 2 years ago. It unraveled many things for me. I began to understand my coping mechanisms and my unique response to many traumatic experiences I endured throughout my life. It allowed me the ability to see myself in a whole new light. The work I've done and continue to do has enabled a profound awareness about myself in relation to my former partner who displayed narcissistic behavior. That relationship unlocked within me deep-rooted memories of childhood trauma that I was able to face because of the work with Gabor and your course. Looking forward to your reflection on his work and how it is relatable to your work.

[zeddeka]

It's fascinating stuff - I'm reminded of a very extreme example, of serial killer Robert Maudsley. The psychologist who treated him in prison once talked about the treatment he'd given Maudsley, who had been seriously abused as a child. He said for Maudsley, the abuse didn't happen thirty years ago, it was happening in his mind *NOW*. He said a major part of the therapy was to literally get Maudsley to look into a mirror, and realise that he was no longer the vulnerable child that he was in his head. He was now a strong adult and his parents could no longer hurt him.

[kristinreich]

I love you Richard.
Not in a creepy, unrealistic way.
I love you for what you do and what you're offering to people who need it. I love the way you present facts. Although the way you tell it like it is but still have a humorous twist now and again when it's needed. You're one of those people who has found their place in life... At least in my eyes. And you do it very well. Thank YOU for YOUR time and attention.

[ATeitter]

Brilliant!!
I've recently drifted away from the narcissist communities for the last couple of months. I'd been binging it for the last 4 years and now that I have been out of my relationship since January, I've gravitated towards people like Gabor Mate, Russell Brand and Jordan Peterson to work on my own borderlinedom.

I really appreciate that you've posted this video, specifically, because I have spent much of my life and so much money seeking a way to retrieve childhood memories in order to heal. I've done all the plant medicine, including ayahuasca, iboga and ibogaine and still; nothing. Now I feel much better to stop chasing this memory retrieval! Thank you so much, Richard. This will save me so much time and money moving forward.

[MariaSilva-ixqc]

'Being too nice can be harmful' Dr Gabor Mate. I wish I knew this before, it made me realize I don't need validation from anyone. 7:34 I agree that it is the child's response, if one child develops NPD, the child develops a false self. As Prof. Sam Vaknin says, 'The narcissist enters a shared fantasy with a maternal figure (his/her intimate partner) only in order to separate from her/him (which he/she failed to accomplish with their biological mother)'.

[korie]

I was the older sibling and the black sheep/caregiver and my younger brother was the golden child. It took me until I was almost 30 to realize how much seeing what was happening to me traumatized him. There used to be a lot of resentment between us until I joined the military. Once we had time away from each other and started maturing we gave been able to work a lot of things out and are actually closer now.

[jillduran]

Decades ago I was taken back by a friend to an event that happened to me in childhood. I remembered things in that experience that I had forgotten and absolutely knew they were real - words said, smells etc.
It seemed to help me and I felt much more detached from the experience. Back then it was believed that reliving the experience would help to heal. I'm not interested in doing that now, so maybe the belief contributes greatly to the outcome.
I now find myself remembering things and releasing tears in a gentle way that doesn't feel traumatic at all.
I had prayer for healing about a month or two ago. This is what is happening now.
I keep trusting that God is my healer and this is the result.
When I think about how to heal myself it feels so overwhelming.
I feel more detached from judging the family or whoever but more able to feel the hurt or sadness or whatever.

[cameliaseghedi]

I'm not a therapist but I've been in therapy for a few years now, so what I'm saying is based on my experience. I think you're right that it doesn't matter what actually happened, however there's a missing link between what happened in the past and the present reaction, and that is how one felt in the past and what belief one formed back then based on that feeling. Because often it's an old belief that "decides" how one acts in the present. Anyway this is what's worked for me so far, when I can say "I remember that as a child I felt [fill in] and as a result I believed or I decided to do [fill in]." Remembering a particular situation is not necessary and often times the memory is not very clear. But remembering and naming the feeling is crucial. And your exercices about learning to name emotions have been a huge help for me, thank you.

[catsmeow]

I learned about Gabor from you several years ago and I’ve followed him closely, like you, since then. What you both teach has been life changing for me. Gabor helped me understand my brother’s alcoholism and early death and my own addictions and trauma. You taught me about and helped me heal CPTSD as well as codependency. Thank you both for your work and generosity. 🙏

[InspiredAction]

I enjoyed this. Thank you. Gabor Maté has helped me see Motherhood & my own childhood trauma from a new perspective. It's not easy listening to what Gabor shares (at times) because it holds me accountable. Not easy to sit with the weight of my past. I am a generational cycle breaker & I'm grateful to do the work. It hasn't been easy. Richard & Gabor make it as smooth sailing as possible through the knowledge & wisdom they share. So grateful. Thank you.