Therapist Reacts: 'I Am Too Socially Anxious To Seek Help'

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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0:00 - Reddit Post: Social Anxiety
0:14 - Parallels to disease
1:17 - Personality Disorders
2:37 - Asking for help
4:40 - How coaches can help
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As an autistic with avoidant personality disorder, the only way I found to seek help was to write my problems on a piece of paper, then go to the doctor and give it to her, so I didn't need to talk. It works even when you have 0 friend lol. It was kind of awkward but it worked, and as time passes it becomes easier to seek help

laouen
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Are you a loner with anxiety? Just ask your friends for help!

thatlevelhunter
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For me it's half social anxiety, half thinking I don't deserve help. Either because Im not "bad" enough or I'm wasting everyone's time doing so.

codycooper
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There is a severe underestimation among people who do have a great social network about the amount of people who have absolutely nobody to talk to, ever.

tsurutom
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The worst thing about my social anxiety is that it essentially just stops me from being myself. The current me isn't me. It's like being trapped in a skeletal prison, peeking out of the skull with dreary eyes.
I have so much to say, to share, to show. I long to meet likeminded people, I long to form meaningful connections. But I'm stuck here wallowing in defeat, convincing myself it'll get better with time. Next week. Next month. Next year. It's not getting better.

deadinfebruary
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I appreciate Dr. K making this video but the thing is that a lot of people with severe depression and anxiety often don't have a support network, so asking for help is not really an option. For example, I can't really ask my parents or family for help because they're really old school and don't really "believe" in mental health. I can't really ask for help from what few friends I have because most of my friends drifted apart after we graduated high school and the remaining few I am still in contact with don't really talk to me anymore. Making new friends is difficult when you're struggling with depression and anxiety (and who wants to be friends with someone who is severely depressed?). Im not trying to make excuses or throw a pity party, but thats the reality for a lot of people with depression. Having a support network or even someone you feel comfortable talking to about serious topics is a privilege.

Dsworddance
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I don't think K realizes how deeply socially isolated/how lacking of the simplest form of support a lot of people with AvPD/Social Anxiety are. I genuinely have no one to ask to for help, and the people I had before would have never done anything to help. I like Dr K's content but this video isn't very insightful imo; if that works for some of you good, but there has to be better, actionable advice that can touch this whole demographic

XiprofteQC
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I have first hand experience with this. In my first year of university, I almost failed all my classes because I was too anxious to leave my dorm room (not to mention COVID was just starting to be rumoured on campus). I ended up being put on academic probation with a GPA of ~1.3. My mom, who didn't even know I was struggling in school, but knew I had social anxiety, offered to sign me up for therapy through the school. I ended up seeing my therapist once a week throughout the summer, and it helped out tremendously. I never would have done it if my mom didn't offer. The next year I got a 3.7 GPA and on the Dean's List, and I'm aiming to do it again this year too.

Therapy didn't magically "cure" my anxiety. It taught me how to cope with it, and how to have more control over my life. I'm still fairly anxious most of the time, but it no longer feels oppressive (most of the time). Therapy doesn't work for everyone, but it never hurts to try it. Especially if you are covered by school, healthcare, etc. so it won't be a financial burden, you have no excuse. If it doesn't work for you, then so be it, but the important thing is to try.

The hardest part of anxiety and depression is trying, but it's also the most important. Do whatever you can do make an effort. You don't have to do this alone, either. I believe in you.

LumpieMilk
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Dr K is overlooking the people that have no one in their life. because they have social anxiety. alot of people might have some online friends and NO irl ones. At the same time, with a family that is very controlling and dont believe in therapy (just "get over it 4head " type of parents). I have come across this several times on mental health discords. And then they turn into nihilists ("im fcked")

reallivebluescat
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Why does it have to be a phone call? Everything else in the universe is scheduling websites and emails and automation, but healthcare is still terrifying phone calls.

eyescreamcake
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Thank you for talking about that!
I have a dear friend that is incredibly socially anxious and I find it really difficult to balance on the line between being helpful and pushy.
His anxiety progressed to the point where he spent many years in more or less total isolation outside of the internet. Never telling anyone any details about himself and in the past he often disappeared for weeks. It kinda got better, when I never let his weird behavious stop me from engaging interactions, when I felt like it and reassuring him, that his behaviour was okay with me. And with time he opened up a bit about how social settings make him cripplingly anxious, even virtual social settings, like applying to a non-public gaming server etc. I only know him from the internet, too. But I make it a point to actually go see my close online friends to establish the friendship properly, if it's possible financially. And I proposed as much to him as well, since we spent a lot of time together. Like, a lot lot, even when we don't game together. He neither declines, nor does he agree.
It's rather frustrating at times, but I kinda got used to his weird way of communicating. Like, he might not verbalise things directly, but he still follows his own kinda predictable patterns of behaviour. I know he can't really get over himself so easily, so I'm not mad or anything.

Anyways, if he asked for help. Damn, I'd do my best to help him. But I feel like just being the way I am and not letting his anxious coping get in the way of our friendship is as far as I can go, if he doesn't ask for help directly. I wrote this all out, so others, that feel like they can't rely on their friends maybe see a somewhat different perspective!

Btw. we even started to argue! :D I know, this might sound weird, but I'm so happy that he is able to voice his opinions and discomfort now. In the past he always just went radio silence, if he didn't like something. So I'm really happy I didn't give in to frustration and can now have beautifully stupid arguments with my friend :D

julyol
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like other commenters have said it is irresponsible of dr. K to assume that an avoidant person has someone they can ask for help. I dont

harmoncleary
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I don't know a single person in real life outside of my own family that I am in touch with.
So I always wonder how other peoples even reach out to people or how that is supposed to work, even if I reach out for help it doesn't seem to lead anywhere.

Rotkehlchenx
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If you don't have friends/anyone to help you, maybe consider slowly increasing that anxiety threashold, until you can yourself call a therapist. A very slow process, but if you have no one, i guess that's an alternative. So if you fear phone calls, just insert a random number but don't call. Next day you call but immediatly turn off, etc, etc (a rather rude approach but i guess it could work)

But im a hypocrit because im in the same situation so haha

Rikarwb
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The only people I'm comfortable asking for help are my parents and they didn't take my words seriously. My friends only joke about it. I guess I'm screwed when adult life begins.

ultimo
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I think the best advice, as someone with social anxiety myself, is to just ignore your mind and impulse yourself. It's not about strength or courage. Just shut out your mind, ignore or bare the anxiety as much as you can, and just fucking do it like a brainless zombie. Do the opposite of what your mind is telling you to do, even in the moment or any moment leading up to what is it that you want to do. It's just like closing your eyes and taking a leap of faith, except instead you close your mind.
I wanted to eat ice cream once at this ice cream place that was a 5 minute walk. I tried following my own advice, and it took me 3 days before I was finally able to do it and just go. All it took was that one impulse. From there on I regularly went to eat there 1-2 times a week willingly, and each time became less and less stressful to the point where it became a normal thing; the majority of time not producing a single ounce of stress or anxiety.

kuroodo_
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Just texted my mom for the first time in years. I've isolated myself for years and hid in relationships. Feel like I've been having a 13 year mental breakdown. It's finally gotten to alcoholism and spending all my time in vr. God this is so horrible

blacksunaccounts
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LuL, asking for help might be solid advice when you still have someone who cares, but when you have nobody you can ask, what do you do then?

Also also, i went to a counsellor for a couple of sessions, and had such a freakout everytime that i wasn't able to talk properly and he lost his cool and just said, i was blocking appointments for people with serious issues... guess i'm never gonna recover from that :D

vulpesvulpes
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I have 0 friends but thanks for the video

animepl
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Leaving that mindset is the first step. I still struggle with social anxiety and adhd and have finally set up an appointment with a therapist. I used to think I can deal with this myself but admitting I need help was a huge hurtle for me. But really the problem is no one CAN help me. They say “grow up” or “try harder” or “why are you like this” etc, . My own family laughed at me when I finally opened up! It devastated me and made me jaded. But when you are a fish in a jungle the monkeys will always mock you for how well you climb a tree.

mitthrawnuruodo