Therapist Reacts to UP and Grief

How do you find happiness and purpose in life after loss?

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are both crying because they’re reacting to Pixar’s Up. They talk about Carl’s reluctance to move on and find a new life without Ellie, and they cry watching the montage about their life. They talk about Pixar’s perfect screenplay and physical comedy, and they cry about that. They discuss how life can continue after loss, finding new joys and purpose, and Jonathan almost leaves and lets Alan do the show by himself because Up is his kryptonite.. Oh, and Michael Giacchino’s heart-wrenching score makes them cry too.

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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Corinne Demyanovich
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

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[joelgilmore]

I like the fact that the main thing he had to do to get Ellie’s message is “turn the page” which is like moving on, when he was just stuck on that one page he was stuck in his grief

[annelieschulze]

I attended a talk with the screenwriter of UP and he said that ending scene where Carl flipped through the picture book is inspired by his own dying father. He had Alzheimer’s and didn’t talk anymore but when he looked through his old picture books he would tear up and smile… makes the scene even more heart wrenching

[maliaestrada]

I love how Russell's line of "its the boring stuff I remember the most" mirrors Carl and Ellie's life together. Most the their memories and pictures are of simple things like cleaning their house or driving or going to work but that's what made up their life

[noakai]

I like that ending montage because it kind of shows that just because Ellie didn't have the big adventure she had talked about in Paradise Falls, she didn't feel like she missed out on anything. Her adventure was the life she found with Carl and she was happy. He felt so guilty that she didn't get to go and do that but for her, it wasn't this huge great loss that she didn't, and him seeing that their life together WAS her adventure and she was grateful I think probably did a lot to help him let go of any guilt he felt for "failing" to give her the life she wanted. She had the life she wanted, all the way up to the end.

[helenajournals]

"that might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most" is the most insane heart wrenching line ever written for an animated movie. WHO WROTE THAT!!!

[trinaq]

I liked the little touch of Carl referring to his house as Ellie, basically giving the house his late wife's personality. When Muntz dies by getting his foot caught in the balloons, it can be inferred as Ellie saving her husband.

[KdeeBUBBLES]

I like the idea that maybe part of the reason Carl never found Ellies message in the adventure book until much later is because he was afraid to turn the page and find it empty (not just that he assumed there was nothing there), symbolic of a lot of his feelings while grieving, but also mainly symbolic of his fear of moving on without her and finding nothing else waiting for him in life.

[slantedglasses]

I remember how my dad beat himself to literal death to be able to afford the lifestyle he thought I needed, while I kept remembering the tiny sandwich lunch he made for me one day after school. We ate it in a park, like a small spontaneous picnic. I don't even remember the jam he used for the sandwich. The boring stuff I remember the most.

[chelmin]

i actually love the ending scene because so often we focused on what was missed out. we forget what we had. ellie reminding carl that their life was an adventure in of itself was not only comforting, it was reminding him that life need not be this grand adventure. he was her adventure :)

[MrChannelforwatching]

You guys didn’t mention it, so I wanted to point out:

At 18:44 when it shows a closeup of the missing badge, that gap is actually located directly on top of his heart. It’s meant to show that hole in his heart due to his detached relationship with his father. The reason why he wants that badge so much is because he feels that if he gets that last badge, he’ll rekindle his relationship with his father, and fill that gaping hole in his heart.

By the end of the film, that gap is filled by Carl giving him the Ellie badge. In the end, Russel’s heart is fulfilled. It’s extremely clever character design and symbolism.

[BlackFeathers]

I think the hardest thing for a lot of people to understand is, when you’re grieving, moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. You can and will hold that person in your heart for the rest of your life.

[Farbautisonn]

As a widower, I can easily say that the 5-8 minutes in the intro is about as epic as it gets. It nails everything, and whoever wrote that, should get an oscar.

I only got seven years with my wife. But every single minute of those seven years was a lifetime of bliss. But with the greatest love, comes the greatest grief. It does not only cripple you. It burns you down to a cinder.

[candidawojcik]

I had always felt that Ellie's message was telling Carl that he didn't have to worry about not completing her childhood adventure with her because their life together was her adventure and he should start a new one without guilt. It reminded me of when my grandmother passed away and I found out that she slept with pictures of all of us grandchildren under her pillow every night.

[karofauske]

One detail that broke me was Ellie did all his ties for him and when she's in the hospital bed she touches his face and then his bow tie that he did himself, it's like she's saying "See? You'll be okay"

[doroma]

I love that Elli was always the one that wanted the big adventure out there and she got the little times, the adventure of everyday life. And Carl only wanted the everyday life and got the (very, very) big adventure and that was exactly what each of them needed. Beautiful!

[Boonehams]

I saw this in theaters and when the screen went black at 6:13, the silence was shattered by the sound of a little girl in the front row saying, "Where did she go, mommy?"

All of sudden, I could feel EVERY adult in that audience cringe, and several audible gasps were heard, along with a few saying, "Oh no."

[bambicrandi]

There is a guilt in Carl having an adventure without Ellie. Almost like a survivor’s guilt. When my brother died, I questioned every time I laughed or giggled. There was a guilt there, because you keep thinking that person isn’t there to laugh so why should you deserve to laugh? When he accepts that she’s gone and she wouldn’t want him to be sad was the best part of the film for me.

Edit: I want to add, it took many years for me to grow some acceptance…and it is still hard to think about sometimes even after 13 years. Good luck on your grieving journey, don’t give up. I needed therapy for a long time until it became a little bit easier.

[smashley]

“If you’ve gotten to a place where you don’t need anybody anymore, that might be true, but there are still people who need you.” Damn. That was a brick to the face.

[Caro_Kitty]

One thing I noticed recently is that Russell is like the child Ellie and Carl couldn’t have. He loves the outdoors and exploring and is very crafty, they would’ve loved him

[emilythecrazedanimefan]

Over the years I've realized that there are a lot of parallels between Russell and Ellie as a child. Not only are both recklessly adventurous and goofy to a fault, but I personally feel like Ellie was also a lonely child who was more than a bit attention starved. We don't know anything about what her home life was like, or if she had any friends outside of Carl, but the fact that she was shown playing in an abandoned house and sneaking out to visit Carl speaks volumes to me. It's really one of the beautiful elements of this friendship, not only does it give Russell the positive male role model he needed, but it was the catalyst that ultimately led to Carl moving on from mourning Ellie.