Feeling Empty? This Might Be Why (Covert Avoidance)

Feeling empty and disconnected? You might be experiencing covert avoidance, a common aspect of avoidant attachment. In this video, we explore the reasons behind this emotional state and how it affects our mental health. Dive into attachment theory and gain insights into dismissive and fearful avoidant attachment styles. Subscribe now to uncover the root causes and discover strategies for overcoming covert avoidance. Let's heal together and find emotional fulfillment.

Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Editor: Caitlin McColl
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Sarah (New animator)
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong

#avoidantattachment #avoid

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References:

[EnderWasVerified]

That’s exactly what I am going through right now… I always wanted to make friends, connections and groups with people… and I end up feeling this empty void in my chest… as if I haven’t accomplished anything… and it has destroyed me and my mind… It gave me trust issues, anxiety, RSD, intrusive thoughts etc etc… Thank you so much Psi for making me aware of this condition…

[data]

I think this video is missing the part where "facing the problem" can actually make avoidant people feel overwhelemed with emotions and even more out of control. Knowing healthy ways to regulate all those negative emotions that may arise when you try to be more active in your life is very important too.

[TimothyStovall]

"Feeling like your tired all the time, but can't make healthier choices, like going to bed earlier, or exercising regularly. Saying you're too busy to spend time with people, or attend to your relationships, when really you're just shutting everyone out." That hit hard, and relate so much to that. I been becoming aware of these deep seeded issues sabotaging myself, and it has been challenging for sure.

[JasonSmith-lpwg]

What I find frustrating about this is that I'm well aware of it; what's problematic is that I know this but struggle to deal with it. A therapist once told me similar: that most people know their problems but fail to act on their solutions. Even with the numerous techniques I have to work against such things, it's still difficult. Yes, I've had my victories; but habits are tricky, elusive things that, seem, to want to perpetuate themselves. It's like being in an unhealthy relationship that keeps tricking you into, happily, staying.

[Aquatendo]

I always told myself it’d get better after highschool... then college... a career... None of it worked, and the next goal post was retirement. I just couldn’t make it that long, so I started bikepacking to prepare to leave society altogether. Then I got frostbite while camping in winter, and eventually realized I hated what I was doing. I actually craved human connection, but was running away in fear of letting anyone in. But even though I knew what I needed to do to overcome my fear, I still couldn’t do it. Instead I spiraled into depression, so low that it came down to take action or die. I finally let someone in just enough that they helped me get professional help. That in turn gave me new traumas, but it did help save my life and put me back on track somewhat. I slowly started addressing things I should’ve addressed a long time ago. I have a long way to go still, and my actions make me live in fear each day - but those fears subside and help lift this crushing weight off my shoulders. There are things I can do today that I never would’ve been able to do a few years ago. It’s hard, but I feel more free than ever and finally have a positive outlook for my future.

[JamesNGames]

Coming from my own experience, journeying through life with a covert narcissistic mother and spouse has been a test of resilience, strength, and self-discovery. This experience led me through a maze of self-doubt, distortion of self-image, and at times, a profound sense of emptiness. However, it also led me to find my way out of the covert avoidance, a path that was not easy but was incredibly enlightening.

I've learned that my feelings are valid and that it's okay to prioritize my well-being. Through mindfulness and breathing techniques, I've found an anchor in the storm, a quiet place where I can reclaim my sense of self. These practices have become my refuge, my sanctuary, my source of strength. They've helped me to reconnect with myself, to embrace my own worth, and to find my voice again.

In the end, I've grown stronger, not despite these experiences, but because of them. I've learned that it's not just about surviving, but about thriving and blossoming in my journey. I share this not as a means to garner sympathy, but in hopes that my experience may resonate with someone else going through the same struggle and let them know that they are not alone.

[emilschonemann]

I am finally aware of what has been holding me back since my childhood, and I know what caused it. The more I think about it, the more natural it sounds. Thank you for giving information about psychology, this would've never been something I would have actually been aware of otherwise.

[SunMoonRising]

I love The Crappy Childhood Fairy! And I love your videos too. I’ve used some to help my kids and their friends through some tough friendship dynamics. Kids really aren’t getting the support they need from counselors at school because what they say isn’t confidential and has created more tension between students, parents and teachers.

[bluedutchess]

It's weird how something that you've been trying to find an answer to has an actual name... It's weird how this is apparently not something that's commonly known in our health care. I have been working on myself since I was 16, because I felt empty and wanted to understand that emptiness... I still do almost 14 years later, but I also came to my own conclusion that wanting excessive control over the world around me, was the thing that held me back from becoming and finding "me". I actually want to rewatch this vid, because it hasn't sunken in that there always was a name for the thing I struggled with XD Thanks for explaining and posting this!

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). What is covert avoidance 0:31
2). Example of covert avoidance 1:44
3). How to overcome covert avoidance 2:47

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[debasmitachatterjee]

I am literally falling short of words and honestly, I am not even sure if I it's a good thing or a bad thing as to how accurately it describes my situation and my life. I am stuck in this self-catering prison and it's been so long that I don't even know how to come out of it. I keep feeling like I need help and my therapist has also been trying to help me with this (and a restrictive eating disorder, which I developed as a destructive coping mechanism) but honestly, I am so scared to break out of the cycle since that's what I have known for so many years now. As I said, I am falling short of words because I am super overwhelmed and am not sure if this video is a sign or something. But I hope one day, maybe, things will change for the better.

[soapy_bubbles]

Interesting… I don’t really think I have childhood trauma but I can definitely relate to this

[Fizzlyfroggy-qkur]

For the past month, I’ve been dealing with this and I don’t know what was causing me to act this way so thank you for making this video to help others and me :)

[TeiGenzo]

Wow, I felt so exposed at the examples of this psychological issue. I’ve literally been avoiding my irl friends (that took a while to create btw), since I felt myself becoming vulnerable. I can’t really trust anyone, not even my own mother with certain situations, unless I reword them to sound less emotional. I know that if I allow my friends & family to join the fight with me against my intrusive thoughts, they will see another side of me. And, if they accept it, that will form a meaningful, emotional connection. However, if they don’t, and continue to judge it, I’ll feel bad. What makes it even more messed up is that regardless of the outcome, I will socially isolate myself until relationship evaporates a bit. What’s ironic is I can listen to EVERYONE, even a stranger’s deepest, darkest secrets and heal them, but will never allow myself to be healed by someone other than myself… and I take pride in it 🤷🏾‍♂️ darkness is cozy sometimes

[SimplyAri_Kim]

Raise your hand if you love Psyc2go! ❤🙋‍♀️

[lilith]

The more I see these videos, the more I can relate myself. I feel like I know all the solutions but don't have energy to do it. Having unstable mental health and other problems making me suffocated. I don't have proper friends to share my problem with, I know blaming everyone and everything won't get me anywhere so I just shut myself down even though it's wrong. Thanks for making these videos, I'm self-awared but can't have the energy to fight. I hope everyone out there gets their desired help.

[potato]

Watching this video
I finally broke and cried...
I've never had any words for this
My entire life going without knowing how to describe this
Thank you Psych2go
Thank you

[DjoumyDjoums]

Went though this for years and I agree facing your problems is the real game changer, but you need to give yourself the right to fail and forgive yourself when doing so, otherwise you go back to avoidance very quickly. That said, facing your problems helps you see other people as they are, and makes you realize how much conflict and grief there can be between people 😐

[yuewan]

So relatable. I wanted to have a lot of friends but i don't get along with them. I distanced myself from everyone. I was bullied and discriminated. I grew up observing people, i wasn't able to do things i wanted as a kid. No matter how much people compliment my singing now. I still feel empty. I'm heartbroken but i had to go through it alone. Now im afraid to even get close to someone. My childhood is fucked up, it affected my teenage years. Now i had to go through the hardships of being an adult. Im already 20 but deep inside i still feel like a child with unfulfilled desires.

[kareno]

That's exactly how I feel, outside looking in, watching everyone arround me in life .. withdrawal yep, procrastination mm, goals no celebration pure so spot on .. try n break cycle, sounds good, reframing is another good thing I have learnt x I am work In progress !! 😂❤❤❤❤❤❤ thank you so much ..