Irrational Empathy For The Borderline / Narcissist

This video compares Stockholm Syndrome and trauma bonding.

Tuesday, November 12, 2024 11/12/24

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[Fransd]

Key difference: Stockholm syndrome typically develops in hostage or captivity situations where a person’s life is at immediate risk, while trauma bonding is more common in personal relationships (like abusive romantic relationships, family dynamics, or cults) where there’s an ongoing cycle of abuse and reconciliation.

[rorywright]

I always thought I had to make it work! I think I learned this in childhood.

[solutionstenants]

And sometimes…there is truly no way out and many decades fly by as the children are growing up and by then… all of the energy and skill building time has passed and one is faced with health issues or disability and has no real job skill’s except a job at Walmart for minimum wage and that small paycheck won’t pay for rent, let alone utilities and food and gas to get to work and back. So we stay another day. It would’ve been nice to have learned people skills and psychology when I was in junior Highschool instead of Algebra… then I would’ve learned the Red flags and never stayed with an abuser

[jessed]

I finally cut ties whit my ex GF. She s a hardcore bpd/ narcissist. Your videos helped me a lot. I met her when i was really vulnerable, ive been whit crazy women before but nothing like her level of craziness. Im gonna have to heal from all that. Thank you David.

[urbanangst]

Over a month ago, he discarded me on text, with no definite closure, for the third time. And so I finally decided to go radio silence. The previous two times, I called him up and built the bridge. I knew he saw it as begging, but I truly felt at the time that I was helping him see the light and that he would suddenly snap out of his own ego. Instead, it was me who snapped out of it, and so I didn't reply to his empty hoover a week ago, 'Hi, hope you're well', because I don't believe anymore that he actually hopes I'm well.

[SurnaturalM]

Interesting. That phenomenon, when talking about someone who is in a couple or even friend, is called in french "syndrôme de la femme battue" or in english "beaten wife syndrome". Stockholm syndrome is used when talking about a kidnapping, ostages, similar as the real event.

Edit: Trauma bond is more like an addiction. And it's often confused with "peer support" or "peer support bonding" when to people bond over shared trauma. It's something that's important not to be confused about.

"Trauma bond" is the addiction caused by an abnormal relationship, with ups that are way too high, and lows, that are way too dramatic. It's not love, it's an addiction.

[jenniferparrott]

I don't think I've would have fallen into that category. I was getting angry at the lies, inconsistencies, having my boundaries crossed, and his overall behavior. I would have left him. I knew something was off with him, and silly me would have tried to help him. But I've been in recovery for alcoholism and attending adult children of alcoholic groups (though my parents were drug addicts). I can see clearly why I continued with the marriage though I saw the red flags as that was a pre-existing norm for me, one I knew wasn't normal or healthy. But I think because of all my time in recovery, my BS tolerance levels were alot lower. I'm pretty sure I would have left him within 6 months of putting up with his toxic behaviors realizing he'd never change and was both unaware and didn't care how his behavior affects others. He was too selfish and everything was always about him. I would have left him solely because he would have driven me to the point of wanting to kill him. I'm not a murderer or a criminal, and would have left to prevent that, and to regain my peace and sanity. None of these people are worth getting a criminal record over. Not even a slap on the face because they surely would have you arrested for domestic assault. Better to clean out the bank accounts and leave them. Thankfully, I never merged my finances with his. 😂😂😂

[orionism]

They took over the bank for 6 days August 23 to 28, 1973

[A.J.Canfield-ymfe]

AJ from Calif/Bay Area:
Brilliant, David!
I have been an "imposter" all my life. First...it was my family and then the woman I was married to for over 20 years! Just to "comply" to survive and avoid abuse...
That's NOT a real life, is it!?
What do you think of Robert Shaw's play, "The Man in the Glass Booth." Maximillian Schell was the star. IMO, it is a work of theatrical GENIUS!
What do you think?

[emmaleaone]

I kind of think that even though there may be a trauma bond the aggressor can also cause the victim to be more fearful if they say things like” if you leave me I’ll kill you! Well you are already afraid and that is the top of the fear mode .. who can stand against that? I know it was said to me many times .. I did leave eventually but 30 years later I wish I had left the first time he physically abused me.. which was while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter who is now 30.. it is hard to stand on your own two feet especially when you have children .. I think some people get so caught up in the situation that leaving is terrifying .. do you want to look over your shoulder forever.. hindsight says I should have just left no matter what he said or did.. and I find it also interesting that I can compare it to an addiction.. you won’t stop unless you your actual self decides it’s done and make the change .. if others make that change for you.. it wasn’t your decision.. you have to decide when it’s enough and then you will take the steps to make the change .. I was also an addict been clean 13 years ..

[metalassassin]

Now that I think about it... Makes sense... Even now, after the discard and getting triangulated until she's with another guy, after just a month of bu...And a year of rel... Trying to gather shit to send her, to help her... I'm rather pathetic...

[RandomAnonymousChick]

Thanks for doing this. We need more talks like this. I always loved the part where Al & the crowd are cheering "Attica, Attica", because you see how much everyone identifies with the UnderDog because like Goggins says (to paraphrase) we all feel like it at some point. But society doesnt value us do with value from a covert place, Codependently Navigating through compliance. Bless you. 🙏🧡🎯💯♥️