What is The Male Borderline Like?

Saturday, September 23, 2023 9/23/23

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[sirrantsalott]

My older brother and always lashed out at me. He’s 7 yrs older. Imagine your 6 yr old self being berated by your much bigger and older 13 yr old brother. He hasn’t stopped. The verbal abuse never stopped.

[NanceeMarin]

I was exposed to only male borderlines. Yes, they were more narcissistic (one was a legend in his own mind and a schemer, and the other was a more masterful schemer and more vindictive), but they definitely had an extreme fear of abandonment. They had frequent meltdowns and serious mood swings. They cried a lot. They were both manipulative for sure. One had more paranoia and anger issues. The other (the master schemer) actually had self-harming tendencies and threatened self-harm. The other wasn't like that at all. Both had a traumatic childhood. Their experience screamed C-PTSD. One of them had a dark triad/dark tetrad dad. Both men nearly ruined my life.

[kjdowiat]

Hey David it’s Jade! Great video. ❤

This week makes exactly 1 year ago that I hired you to help me get over a trauma response from a Borderline ex! You encouraged me to stand up for myself in court and it was a success. 💕

[JR_M_]

All the bpd women I've been with needed my help big time. That's always their way in. But that was on me for being the rescuer. I'm exhausted man. I'm fighting for my downtime from relationships in general. Their fear of abandonment I cant do anymore. Thanks for the video bruh. I always give your vids a 👍

[Gonz]

Hi Thank you for this. Can you please do more videos and maybe avoid including the female borderlines within the video? The internet is saturated with that info. I’m married to a man with bpd and information about men with bpd is desperately needed for BOTH men and women. Thank you so much! You’re really a gem for a lot of us!

[nicky]

Hi David. I thank you very much for responding to my question on q&a's some weeks back when I asked about the subject of this very video & how it was difficult to find therapy in the UK of overcoming either bpd itself or being a survivor of a relationship with a bpd partner. I understood your reply & thank you for it again. On the flip side, our mental health service is on its knees here after 13 years of government underfunding & as you know, here on this Island, we pay for our health service not through medical insurance but through our taxes, which central office then distribute nationally to hospitals and so on. Finding a therapist of such calibre who are trained in such matters, requires a lot of finding here & a cost further to our already paying into a NHS system. I'm sorry I was so illusive & generalised in the question. This video, as a previous commentor said, is so helpful, you have kept me sane throughout the last 5yrs whilst in an on off relationship with a male bpd sufferer... from your cnex channel to now. I watch you every week & your no nonsense approach is
grounding, straight to the point & reminds me of what my big brother would say to me if only he knew the truth of the situation! I know your bpd videos & back catalogue explain the condition so well, but to hear the male only explanation is something I think we all need to hear more about from educated coaches like yourself...it is a different thing totally ... they can be very scary at times. Huge respect once more and thank you for helping us all so much in this community for free also . Nicola.

[Liz-wzdh]

This is so valuable to know. It really confirms what I suspected about a couple of people I know because it checks so many boxes. It makes me feel better about just avoiding these people in personal relationships.

[alex-cfdy]

I would agree, my uncle has more narcissistic traits even though he also would qualify for having BPD too. Right along with the substance abuse every day. One of the most angry people I've ever known. Has very little regard for other people, but also hides behind a veil of wanting to "teach" other people - aka just criticize everyone.
David have you heard that song called "anti hero" by Taylor swift, its got lyrics that are very in line with the way BPD/NPD people act.

[rorywright]

Hi, David! Ohio here! My husband had road rage and tantrums all the time! It was so hard to deal with! A lot of what he said and did was contradictory! Very dangerous and confusing at times. Thank you, David!😎❤️

[nightmareappliance]

My dad is borderline… he was… an absolute terror living with growing up. Never knew how he was feeling, would drop me off at his side piece’s parents house while they went off alone… he would physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abuse my mother which made her extreme CPTSD and act similar to him at times. I still cannot believe I survived that all from ages 1-10.

[Xen-AM]

You hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I have experienced with an ex-friend. I felt like he was all of that. BPD, Narcissistic, Sadistic, Anti-personality disorder, substance abuse. He gets drunk just about everyday single evening. He’s dangerous, violent and he’s been stalking me. Threatened to rape and kill me because I said no to him. A “rejected” stalker, I’d assume? It’s gone on for nearly 2 years and honestly I don’t know if he will ever truly stop. I hope he does but because of how mentally unstable he is, I am not going to hold my breath.

[pretty_dmed]

Are the men normally needy & such can you do a video on how borderline men behave in romantic relationships specifically

[r.bishop]

Mine was like this...love bombing. Sex bombing. Fun. Funny. Very intelligent, but couldn't manage adult tasks. Doting. Cooked for me. So affectionate. Hypersexual. Thought he was like god. Trash talked everyone. Projected. Drinking and substance problems. Lying. Cheating. Gaslighting. Blame shifting. Sadistic. Into kink.
Financially irresponsible. Mood swings. Insecure. Didnt seem violent. But would cry. Very emotionally manipulative.
His ager was internal. Bad hygiene. Grandiose.
Said he was adhd and autistic, don't think that was correct. Idealized, devalued, discarded. Thought everyone wanted to sleep w him. Hyper. Insomniac. Then would crash and sleep for 2 days. Impulsive. He apparently threatened suicide to an ex, he just tried to project that onto me. Racist. Misogynistic. Bigot. Admitted he had no morality. Admitted he was ok being a hypocrite. Forgot bindge eating or crash diets. Vain. Feared abandonment even if he just perceived it. Hated his mother but talked to her daily. Hated his entire family.

[stacymitchell]

Excellent video David!! So helpful, thank you

[benzapp]

The most unpopular topic in mental health. Great video!

[SuperBlakes]

To me the vunerable narc and bpd are so similar. Except the bpd asks for more help. A collapsed vunerable narc will ask for constant help too. These conditions are rampant in my family of origin. Ive gone nocontact so many times. But the trauma bonding is so strong. I keep thinking i can manage minimal contact, it never works.
Im running round trying to sort out their problems, before i realize what im doing.
My narc mother has dementia now, so of course, i feel sorry for her and responsible for her well being.
Breaking up with a narc family is way harder than breaking up with a narc partner. I really do love my family but they really make me sick and crazy. They are so good at manipulation.

[AuggieX]

Another excellent video Dave. I like you did one on BPD in males. Job well done!

[michaellally]

As a male with borderline and comorbid bipolar 1. The Rage is completely correct we feel like the mask we have to put on constantly is so exhausting so the mask comes off and comes out in rage and it destroys everything and I count myself lucky every day to still be alive after double digit attempts and to have a long standing relationship of 3 years. The path to recovery is a long and painful and exhausting one but at the end of the day I know it's worth doing to have a normal life. The shame of the rage is what needs to be talked about in therapy first it's the true emotional trauma and pain

[PaigeBaron-ui]

My husband of 13 years has borderline. Has been in rehab for substance stimulant abuse, prison 3 times; drives crazy, always at theme parks; always seeking thrills, always has to get the biggest and best most flamboyant. Has shown lots of anger. Can’t control his emotions. He’s aware of all of these things and now he has a stable job, works out daily, eats & sleeps good but it’s so hard watching him struggle with his personality disorder: I’m such a calm person who values being content above all else.

[ArtificialSoul]

I myself am a man being diagnosed with BPD and treated for it. Eventually I became diagnosed with ADHD - from that point of my life things became more clear to me why I always dealt with fear for rejection / abandonment + the conviction people would leave me anyway. During therapy I often complained about my parents and called my dad a narcissist, though I always assumed I was just an immature coward who cannot take responsibility for his own behavior. Eventually when vlogs and blogs on the internet about narcissism started to increase, I began to understand what NPD really is and began to realise I genuinely had a rough childhood which held back my emotional development instead of being born with a very negative personality, like my dad always told me. I always longed for recognition, though when I eventually got it I was like "Oh f**k!! It's true! That means I am really traumatized and I cannot undo being traumatized because it really happened!" What remained the same, was that other people such as family members who can remember how my dad was like during my childhood, still refused to take me seriously.

I'm not sure now if my diagnosis BPD is correct or more related to PTSD. I think I do have BPD, because I've always dealt with so much rage and anger. I was too anxious to show it to others though, but that doesn't exclude the fact it's there. I find it very hard to stand up for myself, because I've always considered myself being to weak against anybody. However I easily get drifted away with paranoid thoughts such as everybody is against me and everybody attempts to keep me little and powerless so they can use me as a punchbag. During the pandemic my inner rage increased, I became verbally very agressive towards several people, accusing them of things which I actually created in my own mind and I shouted things like "Please do me a favor and die from COVID-19, because the world will become a better place when you are gone!"

Also during the pandemic I acknowledged towards myself when I deal with such trouble with anger management, I had become a toxic person myself and I should accept being alone to eventually rebuilding my life from rock bottom. Accepting my loneliness was very difficult ... but the best decision I could have made.

I also have experience from the other point of view - it was actually the main reason why my rage increased so much during the pandemic. The people in my life were mainly persons with BPD and/or ADHD themselves. They behaved very capricious. It happened frequently they invited me to visit them and when I sat in the train towards them they called me to cancel the appointment because they were feeling depressed or whatever. I noticed I had become capable to deal with such situations in a mature way and without getting angry or upset I asked them to just stop making promises they can't keep. I lost it though when I recieved replies like "I feel so ashamed! I am a terrible person and I've decided to break our friendship. I'll block your phone number, so you can never contact me again. It's for the best." Despite I knew exactly how that person felt, I was so much fed up dealing with people who were not able to considerate of me.

I am now 44 years old. I have become more mature and am glad I don't feel that much dependant of other people than in the past. I am more aware of being self-responsible for my own life and it's a self-destructive trap to expect from others they'll save when I'm in a position I cannot take care of myself. It's not wrong to ask for help when I need it, as long as I just ask for it and let the other person decide if he/she wants to help me or not. And if not, no hard feelings or any judgement.