Favorite Person & Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

I added a link to my second FP video at the end of this one. It's called: BPD and Managing the Favorite Person Relationship.

This video will discuss the concept of BPD favorite person, differentiate it from a best friend, identify the 4 relationship types, and discuss 5 treatment techniques you can use to help you manage the concept of favorite person.

Disclaimer: favorite person is not always a pathological construct and tends to be very personal, but it can add to issues and problems based upon who the favorite person is (in my clinical experience). This video is meant to help and never to criticize or hurt in anyway. I know this is a sensitive topic and I treat it as such in the video.

Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.

He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:

The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD --COMING SOON--

Dr. Fox has been teaching and supervising students for over 15 years at various universities across the United States, some of which include West Virginia University, Texas A&M University, University of Houston, Sam Houston State University, and Florida State University. He is currently a staff psychologist in the federal prison system, Adjunct Assistant Professor at University of Houston, as well as maintaining a private practice that specializes in the assessment and treatment of individuals with complex psychopathology and personality disorders.

Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

[BelleFlower]

I'm stunned. Just stunned. It's so surreal to hear someone calmly explain my life's story to me. I even use that exact term: "You're my favorite person."

[variables]

After 3 years of therapy non stop twice a week I officially dont have borderline!! I dont meet any of the 9 criteria for Borderline anymore and I want to shout it from rooftops!! I was so scared that this was gonna be my life forever but it is possible to get well <3 I have been bullied all my school years, raped, groomed, bad parent relationship and tried to commit suicide a number of times and now it all doesnt matter anymore. I am over it and I am ready to start my life one step at the time and I am going to college! 3 years ago that would have been a faint dream as they where looking to put me on benefits.. LOVE YOURSELF, now my best friend and biggest supporter is me and I feel safe <3 I am cheering for all of u!

[cynzix]

The deadly combo: a BPD and their favorite person is an NPD...

[elizabethdenny]

Having a favorite person that isn’t your partner makes having a partner impossible.

[DJsks]

I don't like being around people that much and I usually isolate myself as much as possible, but as soon as I make a connection with someone They become my favorite person and I can't stand being alone for even just a minute.

[lindaslinger]

Having a romantic relationship with my favorite person is both amazing and killing. When things are good, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. When something’s wrong or he triggers me, i’d rather die than deal with the pain it gives me.

[AURIELLA]

This is so eye opening. For me, if i dont have a favorite person i feel very lonely no matter how many friends i have. Hopefully i can be my own favorite person one day

[warmwishesxo]

I’m so obsessed with my boyfriend. This is all so true, so me. I have all these issues with him. It makes me want to break up with him so he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore, but I’m so attached to him. I wouldn’t wish BPD on my worst enemy.

[RageQuitinMidget]

im here 5 years later to take a minute to tell yall, it is possible to have a healthy fp relationship, it just takes time, so glad to hear a dr talk about fp’s, not everybody knows about them in the medical field to be honest

[XXthelivingdead]

Its hard when your favourite person is actually a legit toxic person to you and your mental health too honestly. I've experienced this in the past and it has made me even worse.

[aashnachowdhury]

I have been hurting my beautiful, perfect boyfriend with my crazy behaviour, just because he's my favourite person, and I'm borderline. It all makes so much sense now. Thank you.

[proudamerican]

Ive dated a girl with BPD. My heart goes to her. It really tore me apart when i had to break up with her. But she was drowning me with herself. Some might think its selfish what i did, but i had to save myself.

[Delusionn]

This video scares me. I don't want to talk to my therapist about BPD because it sounds like I have it. Doing research on the subject makes me angry, sad, and sometimes I will just laugh because I dont know how to express my emotions. I'm in pain all the time and default to very negative thinking about myself and others. I just want it to go away and feel normal whatever that may be.

[erinmullen]

These videos are so encouraging and refreshing. It's so nice to be able to watch videos about my disorder without feeling demonized and being able to feel like someone really understands and is supportive. Wish that I could find a doctor as understanding and helpful as these videos are.

[kayleigh]

I’ve been “the favorite person” I think on a couple different occasions with people who I’ve suspected have borderline or who do have borderline. It’s traumatized me, over and over again. The guilt for feeling like I made them reliant on me for stability, the guilt for not being able to possibly give enough of myself to them, the resentment that grows due to the constant emotional abuse (and they can always tell if there’s even a hint resentment), it’s just a lot for one person to hold.

I no longer will let anyone get dependent on me or see me as some sort of savior, I’ve learned to draw clear boundaries from the get go because it’s so much harder to draw them when you’re already in deep with someone who’s made you their Favorite Person. I’ve lost compassion for people with borderline due to years of emotional abuse but it’s helpful for me to recognize where I realistically went wrong with certain people and to understand that their mindset is coming from a very traumatized and insecure place. That doesn’t excuse abusive behaviors but it does help me not be so angry. The bottom line is I’ve grown and learned that even though it gives me a sense of happiness to help someone who’s struggling/to be idolized by someone (narcissistic of me), it isn’t worth it and is so damaging for everyone involved.

[pythonjava]

All this time I thought I had a crush on someone but it turns out they're my "favourite person" as you call it. It really explains a lot. I've always known my attachment to them was unhealthy but I didn't know there was a name for it

[bananafanafoferry]

This is definitely me!! I cling to a man I really dig on and he will be the center of my universe. If I don’t hear from him I will be If he does interact with me I will be happy for a while, but sometimes I will need more from him and start to despair if he isn’t giving it to me or seems to lose interest. It’s absolutely terrible.

[LizaLavolta]

I was the fav person. He pushed me out with testing and abuse. He told me if you want what's best for me it isn't this. I took that to heart. I want what's best for him. Strangely after I left he wants my presence. Well no thanks. I'm not a doll to grab and throw away. I'm now thinking about what's best for me for once.

He used phrases like "you're my best friend" then tried to break up a day later.
"light in my life" "answered prayer" "favorite" "sweetest thing that ever happened to me" "gem" "Queen"

[OverlyEpux]

It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this. It hurts so much when they're gone but I'm invincible when they're around.

[suzsiz]

maybe we should all have pets. I had a cat when I grew up that was soo dear to me, and I think he helped me alot more than I was aware of back then.