Coercive Control: The Tactics – Episode 4

In the fourth episode of our Thursday Thoughtcasts series on coercive control, Dr Torna Pitman unpacks the conversational and behavioural tactics used by coercive controllers to avoid, obstruct and overpower the rights and boundaries of their partners. Some tactics are fast, unpredictable and shocking; others are chronic and subtle, but no less insidious. All of them serve to demean and erode the self-worth and autonomy of the victim.

This series is for our clients, your clients, your friends or family and the general public. Knowledge saves lives and helps us recognise the loss of human rights inherent to unequal relationships.

#domesticviolence #domesticabuse #familyviolence #coercivecontrol

[cheryldee]

Your comment on Coercive Control being based on anger...yet, not the anger of someone who’s had their healthy boundaries violated, but the anger of someone who’s unhealthy expectations have been unmet...is absolutely spot on and profound. Thank you so much for this enlightening series. 🙏

[jinimurray]

THANK YOU. As I listen in my heart/mind I’m
Going back nearly 50 years ago to my marriage to my children’s father. Ticking off boxes as you describe the copious volumes of tacktics …
It’s wonderful to hear that you’re from Tasmania - my paternal grandmother was Tasmanian. I have never met another from Tasmania until you here - I yearn to find any relatives. So watching you made me feel connected somehow. Thank you.
My grandmother married into a family Kentraugh, Isle of Man.
This is the very first time I have stumbled across your video
Please do more. I really appreciate your demeanor, approach & content.
Thank you again.
I have liked subscribed and sent copy of this excellent informative link to several others. Til next time, (which will be a couple of minutes because I fancy I will be binge watching others you have made since finding you…
God Bless you!

[AdrienneJung.M]

Yes! They have this inflated view of who they should have been and how their life should have turned out (fame, wealth, admiration) and you are the reason they never attained such glorious heights. Even when they never possessed the skills and qualities to attain these things

[ThePoppy]

The cycle of violence in my relationship showed up in the form of Jekyll and Hyde behaviour. The Hyde behaviour showed up in the form of pushing boundaries, double binds, devaluation, etc. It was done subtly and I would react against it after which he would return to being Dr Jeckyll until the following test a week later. Over time, the periods of him being Dr Jeckyll became shorter and those of Mr Hyde longer. In the end he remained as Mr Hyde.

[sannajohanna]

In my opinion, coersive control can happen also in parent-child combination. My mom was nice when I was under 10 years old. The real hell started when I needed to geiw independent. Little by little their terrible trap revealed to me: their gifts were not gifts but debt that I am not able to pay back - expect by sacrifying my life: not allowed to have a boyfriend, not allowed to get married and gave my own family, manipulated to choise an iccupation of ny father and go to work to his company - so tgey can control also my incomes. It has taken decades to me first to figure out the system, realise it and all these decades I have fought desperately to get human rights! In Scandinavia! Nobody has helped me- they are a „nice family“, be thankful!
And yes: my main feeling has been that I have no other choise tganbto kill myself. I have nothing in this life. Now, I have cut all contacts and start to feel better - also finally find information that this kind of hell excists! It is not my imagination! 58 years wasted life behind. 😢

[ViolaRigs]

God bless you! I wonder how we can populate this information more, so more victims can access it and be educated. This is a masterpiece! Thank you so much!

[sherrilcarss]

Thank you for your informative video. I’m glad that there is a mention that it is gender neutral, because there are many women who behave in this way too, in a manner of needing power and control to feel secure in this sick & sorry relationship. Some men don’t have much of a back-bone, sadly, though I’m not saying its the victims fault, at all man or woman, (for these people are predators) but these women take advantage of that.
I just wanted
to say without going into detail, that this kind of behaviour is truly gender neutral.
Thanks again.
I Pray🙏 💟✝️🕊📖🇮🇱for anyone who has had the misfortune to get mixed with this type of person, for it is truly devastating
to all concerned especially the children & it goes across decades…
for as long as the abuser lives.
Prayer is your only hope, make full use of it. Kind regards &
God Bless You All
Sherril L.Carss

[robbrewer]

Shame politicians won't pass laws so these controllers can get dealt with by law.

[melissay]

Thank you. This has been very helpful.

[DarkerSideOfDawn]

This has been my life since 1985.. married 32 years ..
He finally left 2 over 2 years ago but I have a peeping Tom leaving evidence for me that other people would right off as coincidence .. I walk that line myself .. and also no longer respond to bait .. He’s escalating ..

[euniceblanco]

Why you have just a few likes
You are sharing such a great information, ,, I have a story to share that might help others, ,,
Thank you so much for this video, please do not stop helping, ,, people need it
I need help
Do you do teams consultation, ,,
I am in the process of a divorce, ,,
And is a lot
I need help with a therapist, I need to make decisions, and I have a son, ,, I might regret if I don’t speak, ,,
But I don’t know how to do it
Nobody cares

[mikesmith]

This is what I experience with my father he's very double standard, disrespects me & he doesn't want to be treated how he treats me, feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him, he's very neglectful, greedy, narcissistic, loves gaslighting & playing mind games, twisting my words, feel like damn if I do or damned if I don't. He causes my health problems like diabetes, ashma, insomnia, depression, anxiety, inherania disc in my chest .

[tamaragootman]

please help me. its my perents they have tapped into my phone, they have made death treats to me and my pets. they have a key to my place but its there property. ever since my car crash they tricked me with layers that have worked for them. they have my other pet at there place. they threaten my life when i try to make money. they have forced me to be more dependent on them. im so isolated and so scared. i have been trying to find a shelter for me and my pet. i have tride the police but i cant prove anything.

[meloneymoore]

CEO Gail Boudreaux of Elevance Health has been Coercively Controlling me for years all while having me stalked, monitored and constantly harassed. Please help

[meloneymoore]

Attractive professional men won't even ask me out on a date. I'm tired of being single. Men ask me out all the time, just not the ones who own and run their own businesses.

[meloneymoore]

I have been under abusive coercive control for many years. I want to meet the love of my life, fall in love and eventually get married. This has blocked me from dating. I having been able to have an active sex life and meet the man of my dreams.

[catfish]

I love your work, but why use Dr Phil. Unsure whether his contribution is really helpful in the long run. Just some food for thought.