How to Get Out of The Friend Zone in 4 Steps (With Science!)

Let me guess - you're stuck in the friendzone or don't know you're friendzoned. Either way, I've been there. First, what is the friendzone? The Friend Zone is a relationship status between 2 people that is exclusively non-romantic. Usually, one party is friend-zoned and that person usually wants to “get out” of the friend zone by becoming a potential romantic partner. And let me tell you... If you're stuck in the friendzone, you'll want to get out asap! Luckily, I've studied human behavior and know exactly what makes people tick that I want to share in this comprehensive video tutorial.

Stay in the steps, let yourself marinate - because the longer you stay in each step, the better of a catch you'll be (and you can say goodbye to that friendzone!). So whether you're in the friendzone with a guy, a girl, or even through an online video/text/digital relationship... Here's how to get out of the friendzone the right way!

In this video:
0:00 Intro
0:15 What is the friendzone?
1:33 Signs you're in the friendzone
2:37 Do this before diving into the steps
2:55 Step #1
5:08 Step #2
8:05 Step #3
14:06 Step #4
15:07 Conclusion
******
Hi, I’m Vanessa!
You deserve more. More influence, more income, more of what you want. I would be honored to help you.

My name is Vanessa Van Edwards and I’m a recovering awkward person. I’m also a multi-time bestselling author of:
My goal is simple: Help YOU get to your goals faster. Never be overlooked, interrupted or forgotten again.

******
PS - Join the conversation on social!

[Road_Rash]

You can actually get out of the 'friend zone' in one easy step: leave her alone & find someone who's actually interested in you...

[sloebone]

It doesn’t take 4 steps to get out of the friend zone, it only takes one step, backwards, away from the situation.

[AttyBen]

Rejection is part of the game. Real Winners don't need to win every round. You can date for as long as you live. Always adjust your tactics to the situation.

[seng-shideng]

I think all of these pieces of advice from Vanessa are very good. However, I would like to add that if after doing all these things the person is still not out of the friend zone, then just move on. It's most important to value your self-worth and not pine for someone who just won't be a fit for you.

[mgtowbylogic]

You get out of the friend zone by accepting the rejection and moving on with your life. Why would you want someone that doesn’t want you? Don’t be pathetic.

[dbuck]

The best way to get out of the friend zone is to avoid it completely. You do this by not crushing on people, period. It’s one thing to have an interest in somebody, but interest doesn’t become a crush until you make the choice to start engaging in fantasies about them. Once you have taken this deadly step you have handed them all the power in the relationship, which is something that nobody wants.

[rockethideout]

Eye contact and breaking touch barrier. You wont be friendzoned. No touch and you go to friend zone. Just imagine your life depends on it and you must do it. And dont overthink.

[alfafalk]

The irony thing if you are friendzoned and meet some one else, it's not rare for the person that friendzoned you to get jealous.

[HarryWilmington]

One step I would add to this list: BE LESS AVAILABLE. If you're friends and making yourself available to see them all the time, this doesn't allow the other person to miss you and feel the feelings of not having you around. I also found that setting up dates with other women (thus naturally making you less available) can also cause a "friend" to re-evaluate how she feels about you in a romantic sense.

[sergiosolis]

I got "friend zoned" in the middle of a relationship. The gal that I was with at that time "friend zoned" me in order to get close to someone else and even wanted me to take her to meet up with the guy. I cut all ties with her.

[coffeeperson]

Her case might be an exception but I would say in most cases find someone else. If they know you are interested and actively putting you in a friend zone, enjoying your attempts to escape it, leave. They are not who you thought. Find someone who doesn't need to play with others to feel good about themselves. I have seen this happen more than a few times.

[vincewarren]

If you're in the friend zone then she has no "genuine desire" for you. If at some point she did (usually the beginning), then you have a slight chance of getting out of the friendzone by improving yourself (gym, wardrobe, body language, game etc) but if he or she never showed genuine desire to begin with, move on.

[seung-wunyi]

Friend zone = Strike zone
You either strike out or strike it lucky.
Fortune favours the brave.

[DarthMessias]

If you get friendzoned, just say: "Farewell, my friend...!"

Works every time...xD

[johnnyinsight]

Focus in you: study, do excercise, do interesting things for you.
Dopamine: make her laugh. Be funny
Oxytocin: touching, hi Five, hugs. Handshakes
Unpredictable activity and planned activity. Be fun. Traveling

[olieantonetti]

How to get out of the friend zone? Simple and very easy, follow the Sun Tzu principle, "the best way to wage war, is to not fight at all." In other words, don't play the game. Secondly, let the person you are pursuing play your game, and play on your terms, not theirs.

[apope]

The best way to create dopamine is to experience FEAR together. Roller coaster, ferris wheel, movie, bungie jumping, haunted house.

[adorablechrysalis]

One tip is don’t change for a person. Don’t be someone you’re not. It would make you miserable even if you’re together. Don’t force it to much.

[womenwhodate]

"Should I smile because we are friends? Or cry because we'll never be anything more?" So much value and very interesting angles and thought, this really was a great video Vanessa <3 Thank you!

[GovernorRP]

I did a lot of this myself.

1. "Be the Catch" - I've worked hard on myself, and continue to do so. She's said how I'm a "great catch" and "any girl would be lucky to have me" but rejected me this past Sunday after almost a year and a half of going out places, getting to know each other freakishly well. We knew each other back in high school and met up again after almost not seeing each other for a decade.

2. "Focus on Dopamine" - She desires to see me every weekend and SHE is the one making the plans herself to see me and how she loves seeing me and spending time with me. We do new things every couple of weeks, and any weeks we do the same things we've done, it's a walk somewhere to burn some calories and get dinner later. Heck, she's wanted me to meet her parents and she met mine, and both my parents as well as hers have hinted they see something happening between the two of us and seem to support it completely.

3. "Focus on Oxytocin" - We nudge up on each other sometimes, maybe a little playful touch here and there, but she absolutely tenses up or cringes in the two times I've attempted to hug her.

4. "Focus on Adrenaline" - As part of the things she and I have planned out, we have quite literally several months worth of new quests together, trying new things and seeing new places. Heck, we did that as recently as yesterday (which I know is probably a bad idea on my behalf after the rejection).

Biggest problem is that she brought up a guy she hasn't seen in years (similar to me) and he asked her out right away. She told me she rejected him, but she brought him up every time we'd hang out and how it bothered her that he wasn't getting back to her sooner. She told me "you'd think if you're interested in someone, you'd want to reach out and make effort on them, right?" It honestly hurts to hear how fascinated and interested she is in that guy. I get told "just drop her" but she keeps making plans with me to see me and she made every sign that she was interested in dating me until this guy came along (even my sister and every woman I know said they saw numerous signs that she was indeed into me).

Thing is, what's the point of any of this planning out as if we're some couple if she has no plans to date me and she KNOWS how I feel about her? I kind of think she feels like this newer guy is some kind of "upgrade" or something. She knows it bothers me because I get quiet when I start thinking about things, particularly things like that. She said last week she wasn't going to talk to this guy again since he didn't want to make effort to see her. She got messaged by the guy while we were out yesterday and her face lit up and she eagerly messaged him back. She said she got to hang out with him on her day off last Monday. No idea what happened, but I can't help but wonder "why continue to drag me along like this if there's no hope in the end with her?"