If He Pulls Away, This Will Make Him Chase You

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What can you do when you’re sick of the excuses and deep down want to see them more? Well, you can watch this week’s brand-new video, in which I’ll share with you how to avoid the most common mistake in this scenario and finally see some progress.

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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 – 0:44 — The Question
0:44 – 2:40 — The Royal “We”
2:40 – 3:46 — The Vulnerability Filter
3:46 – 4:49 — Navigating No Man's Land
4:49 – 7:22 — Vulnerable Communication (w/ Texting Example)
7:22 – 8:34 — A Beautiful Loophole
Chapter 7) 8:34 – 9:44 — Knowing What to Say

[thematthewhussey]

Really enjoying reading all your comments this Sunday everyone. I’m curious, now that you’ve watched the video, what is an excuse someone gave you at some point about why they couldn’t give more to the relationship, that you started co-opting and using when talking to friends and family to justify why things were the way they were between the two of you? What logic did you start parroting that wasn’t actually authentically YOU, but you buying into someone else’s logic at the time? Leave me a comment and let me know.

[lauraborgnolo]

With the right person you can do nothing wrong and with the wrong person you can do nothing right.
If he pulls away. Let him. Don't chase someone who does not appreciate you in the first place.

[kaztazable]

Lets be honest, vulnerability can be draining and you can't be like this with every guy who's hot and cold with you. It's just not healthy. You owe it to yourself to know when to leave the table when you don't agree with whats being served.

[Tavishmann]

It’s kinda crazy how nobody’s talking about the book Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest.

Also, the wrong person won't pursue you no matter what you do. Simply because of perceived incompatibility or lack of attraction or a psychological issue on their part. Not every relationship has to work 🤷🏻‍♀️

[leahkatrinacapistrano]

We don’t always have to just let go. Sometimes we have to make an effort and if they still don’t meet us where we want them to be then it’s time to give up and choose ourselves. ❤

[progresssena]

The thing that i picked from the video is, if you are important to him, he will make the time for you else he will find an excuse, a woman making the extra effort devalues herself immediately

[kimasp]

It's ALL excuses! If they REALLY liked each other, the excuses would stop and they would BOTH MAKE time for each other.

[Pollyk]

Being honest, for me can be hard to distinguish if I'm being vulnerable or needy. Saying "a little disapointed I did't hear from you" would be hard. I would probably pretend I didn't care he disapperead. Because in my mind, people find time when they want, so why insisting on someone who doesn't care that much? I would like to learn more about being vulnerable and assertive whithout feeling bad about myself.

[arankagionetti]

When he's pulling a way give hime a huge push!!!

[Steamboat]

We live in a world of technology. No matter where we are in the world, we can connect. If you’re interested there is ALWAYS time for a text, phone call, FaceTime etc.

[Okashime]

Life is too fucking short to play dumb cat & mouse games with guys. I've dealt with guys like this who is unsure about me or about what he wants in general. Went for 2-3 great dates with future talk and all that shit but in the end he gets cold feet since it gets too real then decide to stay casual/friends with me because he's unsure if he's ready for serious relationship. I decided to moved on and now I'm in amazing relationship but this past dude still try to show up begging for me to come back / date him & gave him another chance. Told him that he had his chance and he blew it himself. I'm glad it happened because I'm happier than ever with my current relationship :) never stay with someone who isnt sure about being with you.

[originalgoldengoddess]

I'm genuinely not looking for a relationship... but if I happen to meet someone that I feel is a great match for me and worth giving a chance to then I would definitely consider it.
Actively looking for a relationship is one of the most draining things in the world

[riddlen]

I am in this in-between stage right now. I patiently wait for the guy I really like to reach out again and then I let him know how glad I am to hear from him (positive praise instead of a shaming tone). However, I only wait a couple days to hear from a guy! If he’s blown me off for a several days or not set up another date, I’m clearly not important in his mind. So, …he’s out.
I won’t stop dating other guys until he’s approached the idea that he wants to be exclusive. Otherwise, I’m still free, waiting for the right guy to see what he has.

[soumighosh]

If he pulls away, stay away from him and let him live his life

[daniellehenecia_dprdreamers]

If that guy was interested in the woman they would of made her a priority not an option.
Dating is hard enough without having someone that they think you aren't important or enough for them.

Thank you Matthew for your always honest insights to dating and relationships.
Another stellar video! 🙌🙌👏👏👏

[okashi]

You make such a good point in this video: when people adopt someone else's excuses to describe the situation. It can lead to letting someone get away with all sorts of things... not just being distant, but even more harmful things. One of my friends was dating a guy who told her "I want to keep our relationship a secret to protect it" and she adopted that like "oh our relationship is so new and people might judge so WE'RE keeping it private." But what that really led to was him isolating her from her friends and support networks, and cheating on her with 5 other girls (many of whom also thought they were just "keeping their relationship private").

[Inca]

Oh Matthew, you are a Godsend. I had this exact situation come up this morning and I didn't know how to reply without sounding "needy" or a "doormat" OR ghosting because I wanted to "show him". This helps me reply with respect for myself and what I want and put me in the drivers seat over my needs.

[boglarkatoth]

I loved the fact that you're giving templates of how some messages can be phrased!
It actually makes me realize that sometimes when using such messages, I was gaslighted into thinking that my message was too much but seeing such a message from you makes me realize that I drew the wrong conclusion. There was nothing wrong with the message, all I had to do was to realize that the person I sent it to was not someone I was compatible with.

[altynaikurmanalieva]

I had been honest and vulnerable and showed my needs confidently for past 2 years . Only I've got as a result guys actually throwing me into situationships, and me just thanking them and leaving. I am done dating, from now on I decided just live my life. Honestly I am tired and I don't believe that anyone can actually be serious with me. I gave up dating at age 30. So sad.