Dating Games: What to do when he pulls away

Men often pull away right before they come closer. How you handle this phase directly determines whether he’ll move forward into partnership, or exit for good.

The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?

The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?

Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache

Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life

[storyvi]

Everytime he pulled away from me I loved him less.
One day he pulled himself away and another man pushed himself in.
I didn't cheat, I just replaced trash with treasure. No regrets.
Looking back i think we women make too many excuses for bad men. They can make their own excuses.

[laurenlocd]

I’m done with dating 👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾👎🏾 sick of the games

[artisankatstudios]

As a guy, I can say that this is spot on. When men get confused emotionally, we tend to pull away and shut down a bit. Like a bear going back to its cave. If a woman then goes chasing after him (Especially aggressively and negatively), it will make (Usually, if the guy has any spark inside of himself) a giant argument / fight / breakup.

However, if the woman gives him some time to himself, goes and does her stuff, he will come out of the cave like 'Hey, where is my Honey? :s' and wander back to her ;)

I will add that it's also important then for the woman to say like 'Dear, what's wrong? Why did you get scared / angry /confused etc?' Then he will (Or, I will...) be ready to talk about things and sort feelings.

Even as thoughtful and contemplative as I can be, I find these emotions (From life...) at times confusing. We (Men) are not allowed nearly the leeway as women to express ourselves emotionally.

This doesn't mean the woman should coddle the man by doing this every time (It leads to spoiled brat behaviour), just don't run after us with a rolling pin every time. Maybe once ;)

[fenekaduguda]

this is the best advice ever on not being pushy...knowing your worth and letting people be however they choose to be

[GoogleUser-wyvv]

These videos helped through the most painful loss...i could barely breathe.
You are a healer and a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for your life saving work.

[leilagross]

This is absolutely the best dating advice I have received... I am currently in a dating situation where I have very strong feelings for this man, but lately he has been somewhat distant. He has not told me that he wants to break up and not see me again but he is not reaching out to me in the way I would like him to. I miss him very much and would like to spend more time with him. After watching this video, I have gained tremendous insight and encouragement. Thank you so much Susan. 😊

[chooseloveall]

If only I came across this video 10 years ago! I used to panic when my most significant ex pulled away. I didn't realize till much later that I loved him so much that his pulling away was re-creating my abandonment fears, i.e. subconsciously triggering my deepest childhood fears when my dad would get cold/angry toward me and I thought I was going to die. Once I did a LOT of self-work (years!), I finally got to the place of loving non-attachment more and more, so that I am more comfortable allowing people to fluidly go and come without reacting so much.

[bhurley]

You are an amazing woman Susan! I'm a 30 year old man and found myself pulling back for the reasons you said. More often then not I pull away when girls act indifferent or more specifically girls who show no emotions of appreciation that displays they value my time/worth.

[pheabe]

Susan I love your videos and beautiful energy. When a man pulls away from me, for me is an END...no consistency, no frequency so for me is GOODBYE! And I don’t nor I am interested in rekindle or reconnect. Most of the time this happens early stage of dating and pulling away adds up to other behaviours that show disrespect and uninterested. I have no patience to give them space in my life when they show up strong interest at the beginning and then I am not priority. 💃🏻🌷

[dantesaid]

Susan I must say ... you make so much sense when you explain a subject matter... I'm usually the conversationalist in the bunch but I could listen to you all day!.. great job!

[charmm]

i need to hear this today. it’s been 4 days of no contact. he said he needs time to himself. i asked him if he wants to break up.. “he said he doesn’t want to, it’s just him.” so i respected it and i went back to being busy and working out every day to keep my mind off it.

[GENRTS]

Susan, I've learned so much from your channel about this dynamic and have had great results... Both men and women have a certain degree of anxiety getting when into romantic relationships. If a love interest starts pulling away, it's important to empower each other by recognizing each other's worth and giving space. Employing the scarcity principle and not chasing badgering or prematurely pressuring him. Hopefully, if the original attraction was legit, he will be thinking about your absence more and more and craving reconnection.

[Nlb]

I just did everything you said and I nearly pulled my hair out because I was so anxious but I said no I'm ignoring him not being available to him...so the whole weekend I was super busy I ignored his calls and texts and one's I did respond to it was short and after waiting to answer. He felt it right away and was blowing me up. So after I kept it up he was like heI think we need to talk and I was trying to remain bubbly which wad super hard but I did and was like what do we need to talk about then he brought it uo so I gently brought up everything not accusatory and stayed positive. He actually apologized and said he didn't realize how strong his feelings were for me and he said he didn't like that feeling and told me to never let him pull away again. I'm on cloud 9 literally but I am still cautious and listening to you 😉

[janellecovington]

I just watched this about 10x.... by far the best most practical advice I’ve heard!! Going through this exact scenario after the guy I was with for only a week had major trauma in his personal life. He’s got to emotionally heal now. Bad timing for me but now that I understand what’s going on I can focus on living and have open arms if/when he returns.

[kimhall]

This is the BEST advice I have heard:)

[MiuArtStudioUK]

Hi Susan, If i watched your video 5 years ago I could maybe have saved my marriage, but well, I wouldn't be able to understand. So, girls, if you are watching this, I ensure you with my experiences, Susan is right and her guidance will work for most of men.
Thank you Susan, much appreciated 🙏

[chempanda]

This was the thing that screwed me up so much. My fear of men taking space really came from my ex who did that because he was planning to breakup with me. Now the new guy whose not a real ex feels like an ex.

[daniellem]

I was briefly dating a guy but it was casual. He was ALWAYS busy and I felt it was a red flag. He would mainly txt me. And make excuses why he couldn't talk on the phone. So one day we did finally have a date & afterward he got mad when I refuse to give him sex. I cut him off. I knew he wasn't serious about me and the fact that he was mad over sex and we weren't even in a relationship was a red flag for me. I told him I wish him the best and take care.

[hahadarrie]

Men moving forward emotionally will then pull back in physical action. I'm experiencing this now.

[Catherineschoice]

Thank you Susan, once again! I took your advice a few months ago about not giving any more energy to the man who I’d been waiting years for, and the Universe handed me a new man. He is in that first pulling away phase and it’s killing me but I’m working on myself and focusing on my workouts while he ponders what we started, which was very sudden and very strong. I hope he does come out of his cave, but if he doesn’t, I have to accept it and I’ll know my value stays intact for someone else to discover.