How to Communicate With Angry or Aggressive Kids

🌈 Change Your Relationship with Your Kids in 10 Days!

Welcome! I'm Lori, and I founded Teach Through Love because I'm passionate about helping adults resolve daily conflicts and nurture children's development by using conscious communication.

Parents, teachers, and caregivers are the most influential people in a child's life. My Conscious Parenting Courses and Communication Cards have helped thousands of parents and professionals break free of reactive patterns and unconscious beliefs about "discipline" that keep them stuck in negative cycles with kids.

I want to help adults increase cooperation and connection by communicating in ways that help kids feel heard and capable of change. We can help them reach their full potential and learn to solve conflicts and collaborate with others when we shift how we respond to their needs and feelings.

Lori Petro I TEACH through Love
Author / Educator / Child Advocate

Connect with me on:
Twitter: @TeachThruLove

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[leanagonzalez]

These principles could not be more true. At the time children are acting out...that's the time the NEED us. As a child met with discipline when I was short tempered, I had (and have) a hard time self regulation. We ALL will be mentally and emotionally healthier if we felt loved, valued and accepted...remembering that most behaviors are mainly and directly connected to how we relate to each other.

[MoonBear-PK]

Love it!! Shared it!! and I have a hard time with my face and body language.. just watching this I can see from an outside prospective how it escalates from face, to body, to tone and the explosion.. Awe how I wish i could just remove my old ways and replace these new ones like broken car parts.. but I realize it takes time.. I thank you so very much!!

[jillrudy]

Thankyou for your message. What my tool is that when I get overwhelmed . I walk away just for 5 min and than I go back to the situation and handle it the best way I know and praying helps to to do the right thing and say the right thing.

[andrewdavies]

I told my daughter every day that I loved her more than anything else.

[pillsooshin]

I love that you give out all the example situations and sentences we can say. A lot of time I get deer in the headlight when actual situation rises. Thank you!

[pontmarelle]

To really undertand how the nervous system plays a role in our children and our own responses is extremely helpful. Thanks a lot, your videos help me a lot with my journey as a mother. Blessings

[davidthetruthseeker]

First of all; You must make your children feel safe by doing:
1-Physically Lower yourself to theirlevel while talking
2-Soften and relax your face
3-Use a neutral tone of voice
Then
4- Notice Progress Not Perfection.
5- Acknowledge What they did right Not What they did Wrong!
6- Appreciate often their every positive behavior to Make them feel Accepted and Worthy!

[craigzilla]

I have a 9 year old that is unbelievably aggressive and defiant. Not afraid to look us in the eye and say "NO! "I don't have to. I don't have to listen to you. I'm not doing it.". He's the biggest one in his class and I fear that he may be developing some bullying tendencies as well. He's witnessed his mother bully and disrespect me for years, so I guess it's natural to think that it's acceptable behavior. I finally left her and filed for divorce, so now our son is even harder to deal with. Now his go to is "you left. I don't have to listen to you. I'm acting this way because you left". At my wits end on how to deal with this. Spanking never worked, we've grounded him but he would just repeat shortly after. Strongest willed child I've ever seen. Ugh, parenting can be so hard.

[thinuki]

I admire your videos. I have a very aggressive 7 year old child who is prone to aggressive outbursts, particularly in the evenings. He will find reasons to get angry no matter how much I try to meet his needs to try to prevent them. It’s usually because I haven’t played a particular game with him, e.g play cricket with him outdoors when it’s been raining all evening and I have so much else I need to be doing. I have two younger daughters, a 4 year old and 2 year old. My biggest obstacle to managing his anger is having two other daughters who I need to attend to. I’m usually putting them to bed when he has his outbursts and he disrupts this, grabbing their blankets, doing whatever he can do to grab my attention. I try to calm him by holding his hand as I find him suddenly grabbing hold of my clothes tight, I guess this is his way of communicating that he needs me beside him. However, my reaction is not always as calm as I’m midway putting the girls to sleep and we end up bouncing off each other and both having angry outbursts.

[orianaterravecchia]

I’m using this to parent my inner child thank you

[ummizaansabir]

Hello! I love what you said. I am strangling with expressing myself because I grow up in a culture that said you do what i said. There is no desiccation between the child and adult. You do what they said or you get time out.

[jens.]

Thank you! This is helpful. But what do you do when the child (not a toddler) is actually hitting you in the moment?!

[joanbrown]

I am doing a project in my masters Human Development and Family Science class and the subject is aggressive behavior. I will use your video in this class as a reinforcement of the research we are reading about in our textbook. It was so fun to see your daughter at the end! She is quite the personality. I can see how she would motivate you to advocate for children! What a great purpose in life ~ I can't think of anything more important :-)! Thank you for offering your insight and creative and fun parenting style to other parents!

[ersheri]

Good info. We all know this but we need reminders

[autumnstephen]

Are there any signs to differentiate “normal” toddlerhood aggression and a behaviour disorder or ASD?
Also, when a child is hurting another child, I have heard of two strategies:
1- focus on the child who has been hurt as oppose to giving the attention to the child who hit
2 - give the child who hit warmth and comfort to lower the emotional response and help them cope with the violent breakdown

I am a solo teacher in a classroom of two year olds. It is difficult to have my attention everywhere and deal with these outbreaks that happen quite often throughout the day.

Thank you!

[vanessabayardo]

Sadly my toddler nephew is not allowed to cry because they claim they don't want him to "become a crybaby". Since he represses the crying, I believe that is why it transfers into aggression.

Edit: Also, I've babysat him and when he does things he thinks might get him in trouble, he goes and hides behind the sofa or underneath the table. It breaks my heart.

[relaxwithme__]

I have learned so much through your videos! I am so thankful for your tips!

[Jaecinta]

I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you for distilling all of this information in such a CLEAR and precise way. You are awesome!

[wholesomenaturalliving]

I try to take away his privilege(tv) however it escalates the problem

[Crystalfullerfitness]

Thank you thank you so much!! I appreciate your advice that I know works!! Love is the way!! ❤️💗🌎